


Ultimate Serenity, Ultimate Counselor, Ultimate Average Joe

by PinkSweetSmoke



Series: When I Don't Remember You [1]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa 3: The End of 希望ヶ峰学園 | The End of Kibougamine Gakuen | End of Hope's Peak High School, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: (Only present in later chapters/not graphic), Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Big Gay Love Story, But I still try to keep things Canon-compliant overall, But it gets debunked, Enthusiastic Consent, First Time, First part of a series of installments, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, In which Hinata Hajime is appreciated for actually being pretty damn observant, Komaeda Nagito's Luck Cycle, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, No Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Porn with Feelings, Praise Kink, SO MUCH FLUFF, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Swearing, They're around 18/19 years old, like it's diabetes inducing fluff at points
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 13:14:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 17
Words: 47,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29825484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PinkSweetSmoke/pseuds/PinkSweetSmoke
Summary: Self-proclaimed "Ultimate Average Joe" Hajime Hinata changes his mind and tries to back out of the Izuru Kamukura project after a fateful encounter with a Talent Course student.He doesn't really anticipate the changes he's about to experience as a result.This is my first fanfiction, and will be the first installment of a series of sorts.
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito
Series: When I Don't Remember You [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2192571
Comments: 248
Kudos: 223





	1. The Ultimate Asshole

**Author's Note:**

> I know erotica isn't everyone's thing, so I'll be using these headers for specific chapters and/or content warnings. Never fear - we're starting slow, boys. This fic is already written to completion, but I'll be releasing chapters one or two times a day unless requested. There will be 17 chapters total.

Hinata Hajime was deep in thought, his brow furrowed, fingers absently twiddling together as he stared into space, his eyes fixated on the ornate fountain in the center of the small park. It was a beautiful day, warm with a fresh breeze shuffling the leaves of the trees surrounding the bench he was sitting on.  
  


_“You have more freedom, you know? You can be whatever you want.”_

  
Nanami Chiaki-san was a kind person. He really liked being her friend, enjoyed her company, found a sort of peace in her gentleness, how her eyes twinkled with mischief when playing games.  
  
But he also didn’t really know if he believed her words – being in the Reserve Course wasn’t just humiliating because of how he was treated by many of the people actually running Hope’s Peak, but was humiliating because, even amongst his fellow Reserve Course students, he was still average. And he felt a slightly twisted sense of humor in that – he wasn’t someone that would just figure out what his talent was. If anything, being in the Reserve Course had only solidified that he was talentless. He was boring even amidst peers that were supposed to be on the same level.

Which them made him wonder about what talent really was – wasn’t it sort of an abstract concept? Or did he just have to think of it that way so that he –

“Hey, do you have the time?” 

Hinata blinked a few times, snapped from his reverie.

“I’m sorry?”

“The time. I would know, but ah, I got a bit unlucky and must have left my watch off at home. Heh!”

Standing quite tall was a young man that, based on his uniform, was in the Ultimate Talent course. He looked slightly eccentric, his hair was wavy, white, and slightly unkempt, and he looked somewhat frail despite his impressive height. He was rubbing the back of his neck as though he was slightly embarrassed. Hinata glanced at his watch.

“About four. The busses are running until around eight, so I think you should be good.”  
  
“Ah, great. Thank you.” But instead of moving, he continued to stand in the same spot, as though waiting for something. His eyes, which were a slightly muddled green color, appeared to be scrutinizing Hinata. “Heh, sorry, I was just trying to place your face. Do you go here?”

Hinata’s jaw twitched slightly, and he turned back to fountain in front of him. His uniform gave a clear indication where he was from, which led him to believe that the question was meant more as a taunt than anything.

“Reserve Course.”  
  
“Ah, that’s right! I thought I’d seen you in the other division once or twice though, so I must have gotten a little confused.”  
  
“Sure.”  
  
“I’m from the Talent Course.”  
  
Hinata didn’t say anything, feeling growingly irate.  
  
“It’s really something, to be surrounded by such remarkable people at all time! Really something.” He repeated, almost longingly. “Are you homing in on your talent? I’ve heard some people in the Reserve Course are close to achieving –”  
  
“No. I’m just a student in the course. I really wanted to come here, and so I paid to get in.”

He said all of this very bluntly, waiting for the condescension, for the judgement, or worse yet, for someone to tell him that he was lucky that he wasn’t _burdened_ with some talent. He didn’t bother getting another look at the guy. He didn’t want to be around anyone. He just wanted to be alone with his –

“You don’t sound very happy about it.” Hinata’s fingers clenched reflexively. “I mean sure, you’re a talentless leech on a school built to foster hope, but isn’t that sort of what you'd expect? You either have talent or you don’t – it’s not like being untalented doesn’t have its purpose. Isn’t there a sort of pride in knowing that talent only exists because of the untalented? Otherwise everyone would be talented, and therefore no one would be.”

  
And Hinata didn’t know exactly what triggered it, perhaps it was the blunt honesty, or hearing his own thoughts echoed out in such a way that they felt almost ridiculous, but he laughed and looked up to the other boy, who didn’t seem to be speaking with malice.

“ _That’s_ what you say to strangers? Are you the Ultimate Asshole or something? Oh my _God!_ ”  
  
“I’m just saying that there’s no shame in being a stepping stone, you know –” And Hinata was almost doubled over at this point, wheezing. “Wh-why are you laughing? It’s a valid argument!”  
  
“You’re Nanami-san’s _opposite!_ Well, no.” And Hinata caught his breath, feeling refreshed. “Nanami-san’s opposite would probably be saying things like that to be hurtful. You – whatever.” But he was still chuckling and catching his breath from laughing.  
  
“You know Nanami-san?”  
  
“Mm. The Ultimate Gamer. She’s a friend. Well, I _think_. Though, that’s something she would say.”  
  
“ _That’s_ where I’ve seen you! Although trying to flirt with Ultimates, isn’t that kind of above your station?”

Hinata glanced over the guy once again, trying to get a read on him. He sighed, holding out his hand.  
  
“Hinata Hajime.”

Completely nonplussed, the boy just looked at him. “Don’t be stupid, introduce yourself then. I’m not some Talent-chaser, and we’ve been talking for almost ten minutes.”

“Komaeda Nagito, Ultimate Lucky Student.” And he bent over slightly to shake his hand.  
  
“S’that a real talent? How is luck a talent?”  
  
“Oh,” and he sat next to Hinata. “It barely is one, don’t get me wrong. I’m really no better than you, here. Just two aimlessly floating pieces of garbage across a glimmering sea of hope.”  
  
“Speak for yourself.” And Komaeda’s jaw dropped slightly. “What?” Hinata shrugged. “You just met me, talentless or not, you can call yourself whatever you like. Don’t give labels to someone you don’t know.” He leaned onto his elbows, his chin resting on his folded hands. “Tell me about your talent, then. Are you really good at gambling or something?”  
  
“I – Not specifically.” Komaeda replied, still trying to work his head around Hinata’s bluntness.  
  
“The way it’s worked since I was a kid was that I had a sort of luck cycle. Something good happens, then something bad, the better the luck is at one point, the more terrible it will be at a later time. So when I got into a plane crash being a sole survivor, that was a mixture of good and bad. I got a huge inheritance from my dead parents, so that was good. I was raised in a lousy orphanage, bad, I aged out of the system and had tremendous financial independence, good, I grew up alone, bad, I got into Hope’s Peak, good.”

Hinata stared at him.

“You’re – that would be pretty bad to lie about.”  
  
“Well, I’m not lying, so it isn’t bad.” Komaeda shrugged with an airy smile playing on his mouth. “Anyway, I was scouted for Hope’s Peak because they wanted to get a better understanding of the cycle. There’s not a whole lot of rhyme or reason. Either way, it’s a useless talent since I have no control over it. I don’t know when a good or bad cycle will begin, other than perhaps a vague sense of foreboding.”

There were a couple of heavy moments that passed, and Hinata cleared his throat.

“Sorry. For calling you an asshole –”  
  
“The _Ultimate_ Asshole.” Komaeda corrected with a breezy chuckle.  
  
Hinata winced slightly and nodded. “- and I’m sorry for all of that… Other stuff. That uh – that sounds pretty bad.” He finished lamely.  
  
“That’s just how my luck works. But in a way, even with all of my terrible luck, now I’m in a place where I’m surrounded by incredible people – bright and shining and…” He looked almost dreamy, running a hand through his wild white hair.  
  
“... _Brilliantly_ hopeful. The only thing that can really ruin bad luck, that level of despair, is the sort of hope that shatters it. I’ll do anything to make it flourish, I’ll do anything to support them. But you understand that, right? Being in the Reserve Course, isn’t that something in itself? You get to support those that can actually change the world. Even if it’s… Well, just financially.”

The two of them looked at each other, Komaeda brimming with positivity, Hinata feeling slightly lost. His mouth became dry, and his hands grew clammy.

“I’m going to give you a hypothetical here. Just a hypothetical.”  
  
“Hm?”  
  
“You – you have an unpredictable talent, right? One that’s got it’s ups and downs.” He hesitated. “Let’s say someone came up to you and gave you a full guarantee that you could have any talent you wanted, or every talent, but you’d lose who you are in the process. You’d essentially be rewritten into someone that –” and Hinata almost stops, because he feels the anxiety clawing at his chest. “That _epitomizes_ hope. In its truest form. But it’s all artificial. What do you do?”

And he looks up to Komaeda, who appeared to be caught somewhere between being pensive and enjoying a riddle.

“I think I’m the wrong person to ask, Hinata-kun. I really don’t like myself very much, so it wouldn’t be a question. Even if it were fake, even if I didn’t earn those talents through hard work or the blessing of some higher power, how could I possibly deny such an opportunity? To become hope. There’s nothing more beautiful. There’s nothing worth more than that, to me.”

And there was that look of longing in Komaeda’s eyes again, as though he was gazing at something otherworldly that lay just beyond the horizon.

“You’re a weird guy, Komaeda. No offence.”  
  
“None taken! I’m pretty pathetic, I know. Not even worthy of an honorific, not worthy of love. Just a pitiful piece of trash grasping for something I’m not worthy to touch. But I’m still in the Talent course. I’m lucky enough to have that, at least.”  
  
“I didn’t say any of that.”  
  
“You don’t have to; I know my place. You don’t really know yours, which is a little embarrassing, but I’ll chalk it up to a lack of self-awareness.”  
  
“I only said you’re weird, don’t – don’t run away with some depraved idea that you’re not worth anything. It’s an insult to Hope’s Peak since they scouted you. If you’re calling yourself trash, you’re essentially calling the entire Talent Division trash, which is pretty appalling.”

Komaeda looked as though he’d been smacked. He opened and closed his mouth several times. He seemed to have no rebuttal, and Hinata gleaned a small sense of satisfaction.

“And as for not knowing my place, sure. I’m not going to pretend I’m anything special, and I’m not going to pretend I’m not insecure about it. But maybe I’m so average that being average _is_ my talent. The Ultimate Average Joe.” And he chuckled, scratching the back of his head as he stretched. “But that’s my problem.”  
  
“I – I suppose.”

Hinata stood up, stretching his arms out once again, feeling vaguely more upbeat. It was a nice day.

“Sorry. I ended up venting to you a little bit. Nanami-san is a great friend, but sometimes it’s good to have someone who’s a little meaner.”  
  
“M-meaner? I wasn’t –”

“Not in a bad way! Someone who’s a little more honest. I’ve always kind of preferred it. Anyway,” Hinata glanced at his watch once more, “it’s almost a quarter past five. Sorry for keeping you. Good to meet you, Komaeda. Take care.”  
  


And he stood, hoisted his bag further onto his shoulder, gave a mock salute, and walked off.


	2. Don't Jinx It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Komaeda Nagito does the unthinkable - actually makes a friend.

Komaeda was sitting at his desk near the back as classes were going on. He felt disgusted with himself. He could overhear his classmates chatting, Yukizome-sensei was taking ideas for some group activities, and he was staring out of the window, almost feeling his eyes sliding out of focus despite being surrounded by the most inspirational people imaginable, because he was dwelling on a worthless, talentless, Reserve Course student.

“Komaeda-kun?”

Because _that guy_ had actually managed to make him feel inferior – and Komaeda didn’t think that was possible. Without being cruel, or violent, or anything malicious at all, Hinata Hajime had made him lose his voice. He’d put doubt in his mind that he was undeserving of being in the Talent Course, because since he was in the Talent Course, he’d been chosen by the school, and the school was perfect and never made mistakes, and so he also _had_ to be good enough to be in it, but Komaeda _wasn’t_ good enough, but if he wasn’t good enough then he was _implying_ –

“Komaeda-kun?” He snapped into focus.

“Nanami-san, I’m truly sorry. My mind was elsewhere.”

“You looked kind of sad, so I wanted to make sure that you were okay… I think.”

“Nanami-san is very kind! To grace such a worthl –” And he stopped, almost choking mid-sentence. “To treat me so nicely even… Though…” He squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Thank you for your concern, Nanami-san. You’re very kind.” And he smiled at her warmly, despite feeling revolted at his own dreadful impertinence. “I just had a strange conversation yesterday, and I’ve been… Thinking about it.”

“Oh! Hey! With Hinata-kun?” And Komaeda’s fingers unconsciously scrabbled against his desk with annoyance. “I saw him this morning – he’s always nice and plays a game with me before class. He asked me if I knew you, he said you were interesting to talk to.”

“Ah, that’s… Very kind of him to say.” And he tried not to clench his teeth.

“Hinata-kun is a nice person. I’ve been trying to cheer him up lately because he’s been dealing with a difficult dilemma… I think.” And she tapped her chin in thought. “But he seemed much better today. He wanted me to give you his appreciation for your patience. Oh, and if you wanted to talk again. He said – what was it now…” And as she trailed off, mumbling to herself, Komaeda felt something very unfamiliar.  
  


Anger.

  
Anger that a Reserve Course student could parade around that someone so useless so easily befriended an Ultimate – and more so that the same talentless leech wanted to befriend him, even though he was _also_ – but he _couldn’t be_ because – the school doesn’t make mistakes in their scouting but – but his talent was not even a _talent_ -

“Oh! He said he’s been doing some studying in the library, and that he was curious about your talent, and so he thought it would be fun to play a game with it or something, I think.”

“Of course, Nanami-san!” He cheerfully replied, purely out of reflex, and she seemed so happy with the idea that Hinata was making more friends that he couldn’t be so revoltingly audacious as to retract his agreement.

“I’ll tell him when I see him later. He’s really nice, you know?” She repeated. “He’s a hopeful sort of guy. I feel like, even when he’s troubled, he manages to look on the bright side. I know Komaeda-kun is the sort of person who admires that, right?” And he smiled, trying not to grind his teeth. “Yup yup! I think you’ll be good friends. I want to feel like I’m doing well as the student representative. I want everyone to get along, I think.”  
  


And she gave a small wave and returned to her desk, and Komaeda only let his smile drop into a look of frustration when she was far enough not to notice.

Like he promised, Komaeda found his way to the library after classes were out. He noticed a few other students there, and caught Hinata sitting off to the side, scribbling into a notebook and mumbling whatever he was reading in the textbook beside it.  
He didn’t approach him immediately, fingers digging into the strap of his bag.

He wanted to see if there was anything about him that _wasn’t_ average, that wasn’t just an example of him being a sickly little parasite suckling off of the prestigious image of the school. His hair was kind of messy, a light ash-brown sort of color. His hazel eyes were narrowed in concentration. He looked athletic and somewhat tanned, so at least he wasn’t lazy. And he did care about studying, so he wasn’t a moron.  
Komaeda rubbed his temple and sighed.

“Hinata-kun, good afternoon.”

“Ah! Hey Komaeda! It’s good to see you.” Komaeda shrugged his bag onto the desk, glancing over Hinata’s notebook. His handwriting was clean, that seemed respectable. “I wanted to thank you. I probably came off as rude yesterday, but you actually helped me come to terms with something.”

“ _Oh?_ ” And Komaeda tried to stretch out the sound to embody as much contempt as possible.

“I don’t doubt that to you I probably seem sort of useless.” Hinata said frankly, writing down a formula from the textbook onto his notebook. “But when I heard how insecure you felt despite being in the Talent course, it made me feel like my problem is, well, it’s just that – it’s _my problem_. I’d probably still have misgivings regardless of where life put me. But that sort of gave me hope. Even if I am the Ultimate Average Joe.” And he chuckled when he said it. Komaeda felt his anger ebb, the corner of his mouth twitching. “And then I thought about you, and you’re a pretty nice guy. I mean, don’t get me wrong, you were a little harsh, but I’ve heard worse.”  
  


_Just let me be angry. Stop acting like I want to help someone like you out.  
  
_

“So I’m really grateful. I get the sense that, if I hadn’t been stopped by you yesterday, I might have… Done something that could have been really bad.”  
  


Hinata looked him directly in the eye, and Komaeda felt… Vulnerable.  
  


“You really deserve to be in the Talent Course. I think meeting you was pretty lucky. I didn’t really believe the whole cycle thing when you told me, but when I thought it over last night, I realized you made me step back from a bad decision at just the right moment. That’s good luck, for me. So, uh, thanks.”  
  


And he looked away, apparently the intense eye-contact occurred to him as embarrassing. Komaeda realized he wasn’t angry at all anymore. So when the next sentence left his mouth, it happened before he could try to cram the words back into his mouth.  
  


“Let’s be friends, alright, Hinata-kun?”

“Heh, you don’t have to say it like that. But – yeah, we’re friends.”  
  
And Komaeda couldn’t stop himself from spiraling again. _He_ had offered friendship. _He_ did.

_I’m worthless, so my friendship means nothing, but he’s not even in the Talent Course, so he means even less. But he **doesn’t** mean less, because I’m the worst of the worst – I’m a leech, I’m scum – but then how am I in the Talent Course? He’s got more hope than I do but he’s not even - I can’t – I don’t understand – this is my fault, this has to be my fault, somehow all of this is my bad luck, why is he smiling at me? Why does he think he has the right to smile at me? Why won’t he stop? Why don’t I **want** him to stop?_

“Komaeda?”  
  


“I’m –” And he stopped, because Hinata had a genuine look of concern on his face. Was his own expression telling? Could Hinata-kun _read minds?_ “I’m really not – I’m not deserving to be in the Talent Course.”

“Ah! I’m actually glad you brought that up!”

“Wh-what?”  
  


Hinata clapped his hands together before aiming them at Komaeda.

  
"“Well, I was thinking. So you don’t know when a cycle of good or bad luck starts, right? And, from what I understand, you’re concerned that the longer the span of good luck, the more tremendous the bad luck will end up being, am I right?”

“I – yes.”

“Gotcha.” Hinata unbuckled his satchel and began to sift through the contents. “Alright so I came up with an idea. What’s the worst thing you can imagine happening to you?”

“I –” Komaeda was at a loss for words for a moment. What was happening? Was this a prank?

  
“I’m generally more concerned about my bad luck affecting _others_ , so, I guess something akin to what happened when I was a child. Boarding a flight or a train and causing a horrible accident.”

“Right…” Hinata’s expression was thoughtful, concerned, but not pitying. Komaeda was torn between feeling grateful and wanting to shake him by the collar. “And I thought about the unpredictable aspect to that. That’s what makes you feel powerless, right? That’s why you don’t see yourself as deserving. You’re worried you’ll walk into class one day and, somehow, the building will collapse and kill every Ultimate with you to blame.”

“You _do not_ have to be so _specific_!” Komaeda snapped hoarsely. “Don’t – _don’t jinx_ –”

“But maybe you need to be able to control it. Your luck is natural, right? Like a force of nature sort of deal. But the difference between you and a typhoon is that it’s centered around you. So, maybe instead of bemoaning some inevitable chaos, you just have to exercise your talent, like a muscle. Like every other talented student does.”  
  


Komaeda’s retort died in his throat, his hands shaking. Because, amidst hating himself and all of his misfortune, between being constantly caught up in thinking that his life was an inescapable hell because his talent wasn’t a talent – he never considered it actually _being one_. Something he could control.  
  


“So here’s the plan I came up with, and I’m sorry if it’s kind of basic – I’m not exactly an Ultimate myself so I don’t claim to have some grand understanding of things – every day, we’re going to do something luck based. We’re going to start small –”

“We?” Komaeda finally managed to get out because he was on the brink of a total meltdown.

“Well, y-yeah.” And Hinata looked vaguely embarrassed with himself.

“Look, like I said earlier, you actually helped set my mind straight, and I want to give you some peace of mind. My theory might be totally off-base, and – and if that’s the case I’m…” But he trailed off, picking up his ballpoint and tapping it thoughtfully on the edge of his notebook. He sighed. “I want to try to be a decent friend here. I’m actually kind of – not the best, with people. Nanami-san’s kind of been my first venture into friendship, and I realized I kind of like having it. Having friends.”

  
When Hinata looked askance as though waiting for Komaeda to tell him off, he found that he didn’t have it in him.

  
"“What would we start with?”

Hinata gave him a small smile. Komaeda realized he was smiling back.  
  
  


“ _This_ is the first test?” Komaeda said hoarsely.

“Don’t call it that, it makes it sound like there’s a pass or fail thing going on. It’s a practice session. We’re going to start with this and see if it works. When was the last time something unlucky happened?”

“About a week ago. I bumped into someone at lunch and when they stumbled everyone behind them fell like dominoes. One girl broke her ankle.”

“Has there been a streak?”

“Small things, yeah. So I’m not happy this is the first test.”

“ _Practice session_.” Hinata corrected gently.

They were standing at a busy intersection where the streetlights had been bungled for over two months. The “Walk” light was permanently off, and several accidents had taken place in that time. Hinata gave Komaeda a reassuring pat on the back and could feel him shaking. He frowned. “When something unlucky happens, what do you think?”  
  
“Uh – usually that it’s my fault, and that I should have expected as much. I usually have kind of intrusive thoughts that almost warn me about it before it happens.” Komaeda felt his heart banging against his ribs. Hinata’s hand grasped his shoulder, sturdy, warm. He hoped he wouldn’t let go.

“Alright, I want you to let your thoughts go wild right now. Just imagine a car swerving off the road and killing me.” He said it casually, a relaxed expression on his face.

“Hinata-kun _what?!_ ” Komaeda squawked. But Hinata squeezed his shoulder, noting to himself that Komaeda felt very thin.

“Just let your thoughts do what they do – but don’t chase them Komaeda. You see this intersection, right? You see each car passing by?”  
  
  
The air was filled with the sound of speeding cars, the occasional honk, the smell of tires on asphalt. Komaeda swallowed dryly.

  
“Yeah.”

“They’re _just_ cars. They’re just people trying to get to a certain place. Maybe your thoughts are doing that too. Just let them go, focus on the ones that make you feel better.”  
  
He looked at Hinata searchingly. There was nothing to indicate that he wanted something bad to happen. His face was… Hopeful. He suddenly noticed he was taller than Hinata. He didn’t know why that felt important. His hand stayed firmly on his shoulder.

  
_What are thoughts that make a person feel better? Do they even have a point –_ And as though Hinata could sense his spiral, his squeezed his shoulder again. Not painfully, just enough to make him feel grounded. He closed his eyes.  
  
 _Being safe. Being in the Talent Course. Having friends. Hope._ His heart started to slow down _. Hope. Hope is the light the makes life worth living._ Is _life worth living? Is… I just want to cross the street. I’m going to cross the street safely. Hinata-kun will keep me safe._ His eyes snapped open at that thought, feeling suddenly warm on the neck, just to see Hinata grinning.  
  


“Would you look at that, Komaeda?” And his eyes followed Hinata’s pointed hand.  
  
The streetlight was red. The walking sign for pedestrians was on. The cars weren’t rushing by.  
  
“You want to cross? There’s a convenience store over there. Let’s grab a snack or something.”

Hinata’s hand stayed on his back. They would cross safely. _Komaeda_ had made sure they would cross safely.  
  


Komaeda felt near tears. Somehow, _somehow_ , he didn’t mess it up.


	3. Luck versus Logic versus...?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata befriends the Talent Course over the next few months while Komaeda starts working more on controlling his luck.  
> Kazuichi does what he does best and cracks open a cold one with the boys.

  
Hinata found himself in a genuinely good mood over the next two months. In the morning, he would play games with Nanami, who slowly began to introduce him to her other classmates. It came to a point that, every time he had a break from his classes, he would be dragged to the other building by one of them. Saionji was rude, saying he was sweaty (even when he wasn’t) but still dragged him.

Soda (who demanded to be called Kazuichi) would thump him on the back and usually threw him a drink while they talked about schoolwork.  
  
Mioda – although she insisted that he call her Ibuki, would loop her arm through his and force him to skip alongside her.  
  
Kuzuryu, despite being brusque and standoffish, treated him with respect.  
  
Tsumiki, Hanamura, Tanaka, Owari, Nidai, Sonia, Pekoyama, Koizumi – each of them had come at least once to grab him and take him to their classroom.  
  
Like Hinata was one of them. Like he was an _Ultimate_.

Meanwhile, Komaeda was beginning to actually behave less skittishly. He was talking to the others, not as objects to be idolized, but as _classmates_. His sense of humor was still, at times, slightly dark, and he had slip-ups of calling himself worthless – but Hinata would swat him lightly, and Komaeda would flush slightly and apologize.

And there was the problem.

Perhaps it was the growth of self-confidence, but, and Hinata didn’t understand it, Komaeda was suddenly _very good-looking_. His posture was more relaxed, his eyes bright, and the other day something had happened that, for strange reasons, made Hinata’s stomach flutter oddly.

Nanami had been coaching Hinata while playing a racing game against Komaeda, which was a lost cause. Not that Hinata hadn’t improved, but rather that he was playing against luck incarnate. Which he was okay with, but what he wasn’t okay with was that _he won.  
  
_ “Wow Hinata-kun! You actually did really well!” Nanami cheered encouragingly. Hinata glanced at Komaeda, who was smiling sheepishly.  
  
“That’s – how did I beat you? Didn’t you want to win?”  
  
“Ah, well, I was thinking it would be sort of boring if I just won without a challenge, so I wanted to have fun instead! I guess I managed to control my luck a little! I still got a lot of boost items but… Heh.”

When they met in the library later, Hinata gripped Komaeda by the arms and gave him a gentle shake with pride.

“I knew it, I _knew_ you could get some sort of grip on it – it’s a talent after all! The Ultimate Lucky student!” Hinata let him go and high-fived him.  
  
As they walked to go sit down, Hinata accidentally stumbled against one of the bookshelves with excitement, and a few books, jostled loose, dropped towards him, but somehow landed everywhere but his head. The heaviest of the lot dropped perfectly in his hands. Hinata gaped at it. “Did – _how did you_ -?”  
  
“I thought that if a book fell, I’d want you to be safe. I didn’t think it would actually happen, but I guess it worked!” And as Komaeda laughed, Hinata felt his face and neck suddenly get very warm. “Not _perfect_ luck, since the books did fall, but a pretty good outcome. Our practice sessions are paying off!”

So when he sat with the Ultimates, his friends, Hinata found himself looking at Komaeda a lot. He was very pale, but it wasn’t unattractive. He had pleasant facial features, his intelligent eyes looked less muddy brown as he originally thought but more of a cool-toned green, like jade, or moss. There was something angelic about his expression when he broke into a smile, his eyes crinkling, long white lashes blinking away tears of mirth when he clutched his stomach laughing.  
His tall, lithe figure appeared far more graceful now that he tended to expect good and bad luck. He would catch himself right before tripping, sometimes avoided bumping into other people with an elegant twirl, and overall just felt more easygoing, more… Hopeful.  
  
And when he would give Komaeda an affectionate jostle on the shoulder, or they would sit side by side, or anytime they would even be near one another, he felt warm.  
And so, despite the fact that he felt like he was almost invading the space of these Ultimate classmates, he found any reason to test things more with Komaeda. He told him to practice how much of his luck, and the circumstances around it he could control. They experimented whether he could max out his good luck, or whether it could be almost tuned down to nothing.  
And Komaeda put up with it. He didn’t seem to mind at all.

Because Komaeda _didn’t mind_. He suddenly felt like a veil had been lifted. The better he could control his luck, the less he had to be afraid of something terrible, and he connected his growing fortune to the Reserve Course student that he had so easily cast aside. And if his luck was connected to what he wanted, or expected to happen…  
  
“I imagine there’s kind of a cutoff right?”

The two of them were reading in the library, but only vaguely paid attention to the books laid in front of them.

“What do you mean, Hinata-kun?”  
  
“Well, your luck is really useful as something protective. The stronger the control over your talent becomes, probably the less likely it’ll be a zero-sum sort of deal. Like, when you beat someone at a video game, the other person loses, because luck changes the odds of a game in a huge way, only one person can win after all. But when it comes to accidents, you actually have some control over the situation – you can manipulate the luck of others by adding good fortune to circumstances. You’re someone that can keep others safe, that’s pretty impressive Komaeda.”  
  
What he wanted or expected to happen... He smiled lightly.  
  
“You’re a very kind person, Hinata-kun.” And then he chewed on his lip for a moment, noticing that Hinata was watching him very carefully. “In all frankness, I feel like you belong in the Talent Course.”  
Hinata laughed, low and soft. He loved that sound, it made Komaeda want to hug him, but Komaeda didn’t really know how to hug someone. Instead he continued warmly. “The Ultimate Serenity. Ultimate Kindness. Ultimate Friend, maybe.”  
  
“Ah, my Ultimate talent is already secured, remember? I’m happy just being average. I think I’ve made peace with it.”  
  
“Average, huh?” And he patted Hinata’s shoulder, finding that he didn’t want to let him go. “If you’re average, then that gives me a lot of hope.” His hand lingered on his shoulder, finally letting it drop to rest on his forearm gently. His thumb lightly stroked Hinata’s wrist. “I hope that your future is secured after we graduate. Maybe you can be a therapist. I think you’d be good at it. At taking care of other people. At making them less scared.”  
  
“I’m pretty sure there’s an Ultimate Therapist already. Plus it might be really stressful, I just like helping my friends.” Hinata chuckled, but a soft flush of red ghosted his cheeks, he rubbed the back of his neck with the arm that wasn’t being held by Komaeda. The only movement he made with that arm was to slowly move it, ever so slightly, to slip his hand under Komaeda’s.  
  
“The world has a lot of people who need therapists. Even if there are Ultimate therapists, I think I would still have wanted someone like you to help me.”  
  
“It’s nice to hear you talk about things you want. You don’t still think you’re trash right?” And he said it so earnestly that Komaeda felt his throat catch.  
  
“I – it’s a work in progress, Hinata-kun. I can’t pretend I don't wish that I had figured this out sooner. I’ve spent my whole life thinking a certain way, so it’s not – it’s not gone in a matter of a month or two. But I’m okay with being treated with such kindness. Even if I don’t feel I deserve it.”  
  
“You don’t feel that you deserve it _yet_. It’ll just take some time. In the meantime, just… Think about things you want, right? Like ice cream, or something.”  
  
“I’m not very keen on sweets.” Komaeda responded sadly. “I don’t really think about things I want. I want my classmates to be safe and happy. My… My friends.” He mumbled the last few words. Hinata looked pensive, and Komaeda felt his stomach do a backflip as he felt Hinata intertwine his fingers with his own, now consciously holding his hand, running his calloused thumb against his pale knuckle.  
  
“Do you have a favorite color?”  
  
“I… Haven’t thought about it? Why would I?”  
  
“Just think of one you like.”  
  
 _Is there a wrong answer to this? What if it’s a color Hinata hates? Would he think I was weird? What if –_ He felt a gentle squeeze on his hand. He honestly wondered if Hinata was psychic.  
  
“Uh, green. And brown. I like colors that feel comforting to look at.”  
  
“Do you like summer, Komaeda? Those feel like the colors of fresh soil and new grass.”  
  
“I get cold easily, so yes. I like summer. Maybe that’s why.”  
  
“Green is a nice color on you, you know.” Hinata said conversationally, leafing through the pages in the book before him. His hand stayed clasped to Komaeda’s, and Komaeda became slightly self-conscious that his palms were getting sweaty. “Brings out your eyes.”  
  
Komaeda noticed that although Hinata was looking at the book open in front of him, he wasn’t focused on it.  
  
“I’m surprised you’d notice that.”  
  
“I may be average, but I’m still somewhat observant.”  
  
He didn’t really know what to say to that, but instead leaned back towards his book, edging himself minutely closer to Hinata. Hopefully not enough that he would notice, but enough that whenever Hinata adjusted himself, he got to feel their arms brush together gently. What he wanted or expected to happen... Think of things he wants...  
  
He wanted hope. He wanted summer. He wanted _Hinata._

  
  


“Oi, Hinata-kun!”  
  
“Ah, Soda-kun, hey.”  
  
“Ahh – no – don’t call me that stuffy shit, bro! Kazuichi is fine.”  
  
“R-right.” Hinata answered awkwardly. “What’s up?”  
  
It had been over a week since he had last been in the Talent Course’s building, and a little over three months since he’d befriended everyone in it. With exams coming at a faster pace however, Hinata had spent more time with his nose in a book lately than anything else. He was sitting outside reviewing his notes when Kazuichi plopped beside him with a world-weary sigh, handed him a soft drink, and glanced over at the notebook.

“Just pining for the woman of my dreams, brother. What the _hell_ does this crap mean?”  
  
“Search me,” Hinata muttered. “Just because I write it down doesn’t mean it makes much sense.”  
  
“Can’t you just transfer to the Talent Course? You’re almost as good as Nanami-san at making everyone get along. You’ve made Komaeda actually like… Sort of cool. He said you’re basically an Ultimate.”  
  
“That’s just a joke between us. I’m the Ultimate Average Joe – exceptionally average in every way.” And he grinned to himself. “But I don’t actually have a talent.”  
  
“Man, whatever. I don’t know about the other Reserve guys, but you’ve gotta be like, some kind of Ultimate. Not like it really matters.” He cracked open his own drink, letting it fizz before taking a swig. “You’re cool. It’s a pain to have to drag you over from the other building.”  
  
“Ah I mean – you don’t have to do that, y’know?”  
  
“Sure we do, otherwise we’d have to wait for you to come to us, and you don’t wanna bug any of us. Oh! I’ve got an idea – be my wingman!”  
  
“Your… _What_?” Hinata snorted with laughter.  
  
“Yeah, yeah! Like, you made Komaeda tolerable, maybe you can make Sonia-san come around and see me for who I really am!”  
  
“I… Think you might be better off looking for someone else, man. I mean do you like Sonia-san because of what you see, or what you hear?”  
  
“That’s some poetic shit, man.” And then after a beat. “What’s it mean?”  
  
Hinata chuckled, and stretched, taking a long drink from the soda that he’d been given.

  
“I dunno, like, when you talk to her, do you feel like… Comfortable? Romance is kinda based off of friendship, right? Like, do you want to listen to her talk about her passions, or what she’s afraid of, or what she wants –” And he stopped midsentence.  
  
  
 _“I’m generally more concerned about my bad luck affecting others, so, I guess something akin to what happened when I was a child. Boarding a flight or a train and causing a horrible accident.”_  
 _  
“They’re just cars. They’re just people trying to get to a certain place. Maybe your thoughts are doing that too. Just let them go, focus on the ones that make you feel better.”_  
 _  
“It’s nice to hear you talk about things you want.”  
_  
  
“...Dude? You sort of… Cut out there.” Kazuichi waved a hand in front of his face.  
  
Hinata shook his head vigorously, like it would make the image of Komaeda’s smiling face get erased like an etch-a-sketch.  
  
“Right – right… Uh, basically I think when you like someone, you want to know them, right? You’re attracted to their appearance sure but, uh, you – you don’t just notice that. You notice how they laugh or the things they do to show they care.”  
  
  
 _“I thought that if a book fell, I’d want you to be safe. I didn’t think it would actually happen, but I guess it worked!”_  
  
  
Hinata squeezed his eyes shut, again, trying to force the thought to leave his brain.  
  
“But what if she doesn’t show that sort of thing? I mean, she could be shy.”  
  
“Don’t get me wrong, Kazuichi, I’m not exactly a psychic. But I also sort of get the impression that, you know, she checks up on Tanaka-san a lot. Maybe you wanna find someone who looks at you and likes you for the sort of guy you are. Not just for your talent or how you look. Would you rather be with a girl because she likes how you look or because she actually really cares about you?”  
  
“Man, at this point I’d take either.” Kazuichi sighed dramatically. “But _you_ , my man…” And he flashed a cheeky sort of grin. “You’re thinking of someone, huh? That’s _awful_ specific advice!”  
  
“Th-that’s not it, alright. I’m talking in hypotheticals.” Kazuichi’s grin broadened. “I am! Go bother Sonia, man. I’ve got exams.”  
  
“Is it Nanami? Saionji? She might have a rotten personality, but she’s gotten really pretty since the growth spur – ack!” Hinata whacked him lightly with his notebook. “Come on, give me a hint! A hint! Just a tiny one!”  
  
“If I tell you that it’s someone in the Reserve Course will you get off my back?”  
  
“I’d have trouble believing that man. When you aren’t studying, you’re usually hanging out with the gang, whether it’s altogether or separately. I don’t think you’ve ever mentioned anyone in the Reserve Course, let alone let any of us catch you making googly eyes at a hot piece.”  
  
“That’s because I don’t make ‘googly eyes’ at anyone.”  
  
This was a downright lie. It was only because Hinata had caught himself in the reflection of the window a few times when looking at Komaeda that he started being careful. He actually didn’t even know if Komaeda noticed, but at the same time Hinata felt slightly guilty at that fact. The poor guy was likely never even hugged with frequency before, let alone have someone look at him lovingly. Hinata could probably stare at him with an over-the-top expression of longing for thirty minutes before Komaeda would ask him if something was on his mind.  
  
“Come on, we’re soul friends, right? Best bros?”  
  
“Please don’t tell me the Talent Course is competing for who I’ll call my best friend.” Kazuichi bore the expression of a man caught doing something shady.  
“Of course. Yeah, I love you all _equally_.” Hinata said dryly, and Kazuichi groaned and pretended as though he’d been shot. When the histrionics of betrayal rose to a certain volume, Hinata sighed and gave up. “Alright, look, I'll level with you.” Kazuichi silenced at once, his eyes glittering in anticipation. “There’s someone I like, alright? There is. But it’s kind of complicated to get into, and I’m still figuring it out, and God knows how they’d react if people knew before I even brought it up.”  
  
“Oh shit, ohoho _shit_ \- it’s Koizumi, isn't it?! I knew it, I _knew_ \- ! Don’t worry – do _not worry_ – I am _so_ on this! No one’s gonna get whiff of anything when your best friend is on the case.” He sprinted off and yelled back to Hinata, “oh and if anyone asks - we are officially best friends _okay-got it-see you_!” Kazuichi had strung the last sentence together so quickly that there was no space to interrupt him, and he was out of sight before Hinata could even offer a rebuttal.  
  
He turned back to his notebook, but found his mind straying elsewhere. If he, just for the sake of it, entertained telling Komaeda – but what would he even tell him?  
  
 _“I really admire you Komaeda. You’re so nice to spend time with.”_  
  
But he could just as quickly imagine the response – it would go right over his head.  
 _  
“You’re always so kind to me, Hinata-kun. I enjoy spending time with you, too.”_

And he didn’t really know what to make of his feelings. He found plenty of girls pretty and sweet to be around, but he didn’t - and he _hated_ that his mind went to that word - _pine_ for them. Every time he was near Komaeda, he wanted to playfully shove him, ruffle his hair, hold his hand. Sometimes when Hinata would see him getting a little sleepy, he thought of holding him, of softly kissing him on the corner of his eye, of putting his hand on his cheek and maybe letting the kisses trail down just to the edge of his lips –

His face felt very flushed, and he groaned, rubbing his eyes until he saw stars.  
And, as much as he’d been almost adopted by the Talent Course, he still wasn’t one of them. They made him feel like he was, but he wasn’t. The offer to be a different person had passed now. The offer to become the most talented person alive, and Hinata had felt that he’d made peace with that but…

What if Komaeda thought that Hinata spent time with him because he refined his talent? Komaeda wasn’t exactly… A fount of self-confidence. It would be easy, Hinata considered painfully, for him to connect some imaginary dots that Hinata wanted a good luck charm. That maybe Hinata would try to take advantage of him for his insecurity. The idea of that really bothered him. Let alone if Komaeda would even be _interested_ in him. It was just as well that Komaeda had never had a close friend before, and it was possible that, to him, regardless of sex or gender, all close friends hold hands.  
  
He didn’t even know how much Komaeda knew about romance in general, and whether he would be horrified at the idea that Hinata had developed romantic feelings in a space that was meant to be safe for him. That Hinata would support and care about him no matter what, would always listen, would never be weirded out or scared off. His mind stirred up a miserable scene.  
 _  
“Hinata-kun, were you so kind to me just… Just because you had ulterior motives? I thought we were friends.”  
_  
And he wanted to scream at his own brain, _"That’s not it at all! It’s been gradual! It isn’t my fault!”_  
But then whose fault even _was it?  
_  
It certainly wasn’t Komaeda’s fault. He didn’t ask to be the object of anyone’s affection, especially not a Reserve Course loser who didn’t even have a talent.

He suddenly felt sort of like crying, and it burned him up inside. His notes were a reminder of his station. He loved the Talent Course, admired them, cared about all of them – but unlike Komaeda, who had doubted that his talent even counted, Hinata didn’t have one at all.  
  
The Ultimate Average Joe. He snorted derogatorily at himself.

Because maybe, _maybe_ if he were an Ultimate, The Ultimate Lawyer or The Ultimate Botanist, or The Ultimate _Literally Anything_ , Komaeda would see him as an equal, and therefore not just some Talent chaser.  
  
It wasn’t as though Hinata was experienced in love, either. He’d never really dated anyone seriously before. He’d never even really thought much about it. But then again, he thought with a sense of melancholy as he watched the sky turn slowly golden, if this was falling in love, then it _sucked_. He was so tired. He hadn’t slept properly in weeks.  
  


He roughly wiped his eyes, licked his thumb to flip to the first page, and went back to studying his notes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's part three. I truly hope some of you enjoyed it, and I'll be updating more tomorrow. If you happened to enjoy, please leave me a comment! I am very new to this, and it would be comforting to know that people want to read more.
> 
> Much love to everyone, I hope you have an excellent day!


	4. Self-Admissions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exhaustion is inevitable for any hard working student. Hinata finds that certain things are easier to notice while tired, however.  
> And of course the Talent Course has a group chat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to chapter 4, this chapter is quite short so as a result I will be posting the next chapter a little earlier.

Hinata was being handed failing paper after failing paper.  
  
He could hear other students jeeringly mutter behind his back, how _useless_ he was, how no one could really expect better.   
He wanted to go to the Talent Course building to be with his friends, but was roughly shoved aside by Sakakura-sensei, who told him to learn his place, like an insect, like a worm breaking down shit for people to walk on top of, and he felt the cold of it, felt like a disgusting, giant maggot being poked and prodded with a stick until he’d finally split and _burst_ repulsively –   
  
“ _-Nata-kun_?”  
  
“Huh - Wha -?” Hinata snapped awake, looking around, his heart racing. It had been a nightmare. His back ached, and he felt chilly. Night had fallen, and his notebook had slid out of his lap onto the ground. He blinked blearily, his heart still pounding from the unpleasant dream.  
  
“Hinata-kun?”  
  
“ _Komaeda?_ ” He could see Komaeda, pale face and fluffy white curls looking almost ghostly in the darkness. He looked concerned. Hinata felt a flood of tenderness towards his kind, bright eyes.  
  
“What are you doing out here? It’s almost nine o’clock.”  
  
“I –” Hinata yawned and shivered, shaking his head slightly to wake up. “I must have fallen asleep studying, heh. That’s no good.” He laughed to himself. “Hopefully, I didn’t get robbed. Not that I have very much money to worry about it.” He looked over Komaeda’s worried expression, permitting himself to look as fond as he felt. Then his brow furrowed. “Wait, how are _you_ here?”  
  
“Group chat.” Komaeda said simply, holding up his cellphone. “Soda-kun was asking you about where you were. Apparently, he tried calling you, and when you didn’t pick up, he asked if you were with any of us. Since none of us had seen you, I thought you might be at the library still studying so I decided to go check and make sure you were okay, and I found you here.”

“You guys have a group chat?”  
  
“You aren’t in it? I think Mioda-san set it up, but she might’ve forgotten to add your number.”  
  
“Oh, she doesn’t have it.” Hinata groaned, stretching. “She told me she would call me up at midnight to have me listen to her songwriting process and I didn’t want to take that chance.” He laughed as he said it, and Komaeda smiled. His face fell into concern once more, however.  
  
“You should get home, Hinata-kun. It’s way past sundown, I’m sure your parents are worried.”  
  
“They’re not the worrying sort, but it _is_ getting sort of late.” He grimaced as he glanced down at his watch. “Damn. The busses have stopped running at this point, though. I’ll have to walk it, then.”  
  
“Ah! Hinata-kun, you can stay at my place for the night if you want. It’s relatively spacious, and it’s not far. I don’t have the best stamina, so I made sure my apartment isn’t more than a half hour away.”  
  
“I wouldn’t want to be an inconvenience.” Hinata stated firmly, trying to clear his voice of emotion.

It was more that he didn’t want to have to deal with being in close quarters with Komaeda, where his imagination would surely concoct some terribly intimate and domestic scene no matter how much he tried to brutally stuff it down.  
  
“I – I don’t mean to make you feel like you have to – I understand if you don’t want to sleep anywhere near me – not that Hinata-kun has ever made me feel disgusting but – but I’m _sure_ you don’t want –” Hinata cut him off. He could handle his domestic fantasies internally, but he loathed the idea of Komaeda thinking he found him unappealing. He changed tack, his tone forward.  
  
“You know what? Actually, if it really isn’t a bother, I’d appreciate it a lot. I can just text my parents and tell them I’m staying overnight with a friend. My house is over an hour away, so without the bus I’d be walking for a while.”  
  
“I don't mean – not to pressure you! I know you probably don’t –”  
  
“There is _nothing_ about you I find disgusting.” He said, maybe a little too sharply, so his next words were very gentle, patting his shoulder.  
  
“You’re my friend Komaeda, you’ve just offered me generosity, thank you for worrying about me and for keeping an eye on me.” Again, he kept his voice stable. Komaeda looked embarrassed, but relieved. Hinata saw a faint blush spread across his pale face but chalked it up to Komaeda being happy that Hinata had argued against his anxieties.  
  
“Thank you, Hinata-kun. I’ll text the others – oh, and let me add your number, I’m sure they’ll be relieved to know you weren’t ignoring their memes. Well, the boys’ memes.” Hinata gave him a small smirk as he noticed Komaeda tried to be sensitive. “...Soda-kun’s memes.” _There it is_. Hinata chuckled.  
  
Komaeda did that while Hinata shot a text to his mother that he’d fallen asleep studying and would be staying with a friend. His phone then buzzed roughly thirty consecutive times as the group chat realized he hadn’t been ignoring them. “And there are little sub-groups,” Komaeda pointed out cheerfully. “There’s _“Ladies Night”_ with all the girls, but they’ve blocked out the boy’s numbers – although Tanaka-san and I are both allowed in it, so I’m sure they’d leave your number in too. Then there’s _“Members Only”_ with the boys, but I don’t really understand the joke of the name…”  
  
Komaeda went into depth talking about each of the groups as they walked, and Hinata took the time to be able to lean closely next to Komaeda, pretending to care deeply about the phone he was holding.  
  
He could hear the vibrancy in his voice, how he was actually establishing good relationships with everyone, how nice they were, how kind everyone was being when he felt he didn't deserve it. He trailed off at some point and Hinata looked up at him. He looked wistful.  
  
“I’m a little scared of being happy, you know?” He finally said in a small voice. “I’m scared that if I say, ‘I’m so happy’ that my luck will come crashing down, and everything will fall apart, and... I’ll be back at square one.”  
  
“I understand that.” Hinata responded thoughtfully. Komaeda looked surprised. “I mean, it’s like an abused animal – n-not that you’re an animal!” He quickly added, but Komaeda didn’t seem to have taken it that way, so he continued, his voice warm as he spoke. “An abused dog is going to be scared of a lot of things, loud noises, being alone, maybe even certain objects or people. But it’s not the dog’s fault. And eventually, with enough time, I think that you… Heal.”  
  
Komaeda was silent beside him, but Hinata felt his hand very hesitantly wrap around his own. He immediately returned the hold.  
  
“It probably takes a while, and I’m not going to sugarcoat it, it might be painful and scary. But having people that love you makes it less scary. And the fear may not even _completely_ go away, but you’ll find that you can manage it. You’re doing really well, Komaeda. It’s okay to be afraid. No one’s going to abandon you for that. I definitely won't.”  
  
“Hinata-kun? I’m going to do something very shameless, so I apologize.”  
  
Komaeda stopped, and Hinata stopped with him, and suddenly, wonderfully, he felt the taller boy carefully release his hand and hug him.  
  
“Sorry. I’m sorry, you probably don’t –”  
  
“That’s alright.” He laughed breathily. “It’s alright. I’ve got you.”  
  
Strangely, Hinata didn’t feel nervous. His heart was pounding, but his face nestled just in the crook between Komaeda’s neck and shoulder. He smelled nice, sort of piney or like sandalwood. Hinata had one hand stroking Komaeda’s hair, and the other wrapped tightly around his torso. After a few moments, he felt Komaeda gently relax into the embrace, like he’d been tense all day and just let go, melting into his arms. It was about a minute into it that Hinata realized the hug was somewhat intimate, Komaeda’s face buried against his neck, his arms looped under Hinata’s with his fingers linked together against the small of his lower back. He didn’t want to break away though.  
  
So he didn’t. He stayed, mumbling reassurances to his friend, the man he loved, still petting his cottony hair, softly rocking with him as if they were dancing very slowly. Somewhere in this moment, his brain clicked into place like the final piece of a Tetris row. _The man he loved_.   
His heart skipped.  
  
 _I really, really love you. I love you. I love you. I love you so much.  
_

He didn’t say anything, just thought it, over and over, hoping maybe if he thought it enough, it wouldn’t need to be said.  
  
Komaeda, after a long while, gradually pulled away. His face was very pink, and he mumbled out a string of apologies that Hinata could barely hear. He only heard his heartbeat, and felt the warmth in his face, and the smile on his mouth he couldn’t get rid of. He could only hear his thoughts on repeat, like a tender mantra.  
  
“Hinata-kun? Is something on your mind?”  
  
 _Nailed it._ Hinata couldn’t help but think.  
  
“I’m great.” And he sounded almost drunk as he said it. “I’m really, really good.”  
  
“Ah – I’m glad.” Komaeda sighed with relief. “My place is just one block over.”  
  
This time, Hinata took Komaeda’s hand, and felt a surge of affection when he felt a reassuring squeeze returned by the other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed, if it is not too much trouble, I deeply appreciate every comment I receive! I am so thankful for any and all support. :)
> 
> (Insert obligatory: "And they were *roommates*" joke, here)


	5. He's Never Lied

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two friends have a talk. Communication is important.
> 
> Komaeda gets better at using healthy coping mechanisms.

“ _This_ is your apartment?” Hinata muttered hoarsely, removing his shoes as Komaeda locked the door behind them. 

It wasn’t huge, but when Komaeda said spacious, he had imagined a regular one bedroom and one bath apartment, not… This. There was a sitting area with a large, comfortable looking couch, and a reasonably sized dining area just past the entryway.

“Like I said,” Komaeda replied sheepishly. “I was left with plenty of money. There’s two bedrooms and two baths, and the kitchen is at the end of the hallway. There’s a nice balcony that wraps around each level too. I liked the view. A-and it’s really clean!” He stuttered the last part fervently.  
  
“I’m a neat-freak, so – so you don’t have to worry about anything being gross. But you can stay in the guest room, I don’t… Really ever get guests, but I like maintaining it in case anyone could tolerate –” He cut himself off, catching Hinata’s frown. “In case I ever made friends that… Wanted to stay the night.” He remedied carefully. “Oh! And I even have a kotatsu! For the winter!”

He seemed very excited and proud when he said it, so Hinata smiled encouragingly in response.

“So Hinata-kun can stay wherever he’d be most comfortable. My room is right next door to yours, they’re pretty similar. I just have more books in mine, I don’t have much in the other room since I wouldn’t want it to get dusty.”

“Can I see your room?” Komaeda blinked.

_Why did you say that, why did you say that, WHY DID YOU **SAY** THAT YOU IMBECILE? YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHERE YOUR MIND WILL – _

“Ah, uh sure! Please excuse any clutter.” Hinata followed behind, and Komaeda opened up the door.  
  


When Komaeda had said he had books, he meant it. The room had several shelves packed with books of varying sizes, a large armchair and end table were situated in a corner under a cozy looking lamp. Plants lined the windowsill, growing extraordinarily well, and Komaeda’s bed was very large, and looked _very_ comfortable.  
  


Hinata tried to mute his mind before it started thinking.  
  


“The plants were mostly on clearance when I found them. I felt sort of bad, so I took them home, and I guess I got lucky. They’re growing really well. Although, I guess now I specifically try to use my luck to gauge the right amount of water and sunlight.”

Hinata wandered over to the nearest bookshelf. His room felt like a very cozy library.

“What sort of stuff do you read in here?”

“A little of everything. I really like murder mysteries. Sometimes books about hopeful heroes conquering despair. There are a few books on Russian history, and some books on anthropology. I think I even have a romance novel or two – there’s this one by a teenage girl who I think is actually attending Hope’s Peak! _So Lingers the Ocean_ – I’m not normally interested in romance books, but I couldn’t put it down! So, a little bit of everything.” He repeated, looking slightly embarrassed.

“You’re a pretty avid reader, Komaeda. Have you read all of these?”

“Most, not all. I want to catch up on a few of Fukawa-san’s other books. I only actually picked them up in the last month, before then I sort of thought it was audacious of me to consider romance. I’m still on the fence about it.” Hinata’s mouth suddenly became very dry, but he made a sound of assent.

“I don’t really think I’d be very interesting to anyone in that way. I’m not very handsome, nor am I particularly charismatic, like the love interests in her books. My friends are already very kind to me, to expect that sort of attention would be... _Tasteless_ of me, to say the least.” And his face bore a small, sad smile.  
  
“But, then again...” He continued with an optimistic tone, his expression brightening. “I never really thought I would have friends, either! So, maybe I can control my luck just enough that I’ll be lucky in that sense too.”

While Komaeda spoke, Hinata had his mouth firmly clamped shut for fear of letting something slip. He simply said _“mm-hm”_ and _“hmm!”_ in the appropriate places, trying not to think of Komaeda’s scent which permeated the bedroom.

“I’m so sorry, Hinata-kun, I’ve been rambling. Can I get you anything to eat or drink? I don’t have a lot – I’m not a big eater myself, but I have some frozen meals and such.”

“Yeah, anything sounds good.” And his voice sounded hoarse when he spoke, so he cleared his throat. He felt his neck prickle with heat.

“Feel free to make yourself at home, you can take either my room or the guest room. There’s not a big difference, but this room has a bathroom attached, so you don’t have to venture out into the hallway if you need to shower.”

_Just take the guest room, take it, take the guest room you fucking –_

“Would it be a bother if I used yours? Just for the shower, like you mentioned.” _Damn!_

“Of course not, whatever Hinata-kun prefers! You can drop your stuff anywhere; I’ll grab something to eat for us. It shouldn’t be long.”

As soon as Komaeda left the room Hinata sat tentatively on the bed, before carefully and quietly lying down onto it. As if on cue, his mind pulled up the image of Komaeda next to him, ivory lashes drooping sweetly over his mossy green eyes, half-asleep, shirt coming undone to show his pale skin underneath, the quick slant of his collarbone, Hinata lovingly curling against him to nuzzle into the crook of his neck, planting a gentle kiss on his throat…  
  
"Hinata-kun?” He shot upright at the sound of Komaeda’s voice coming from the kitchen, his heart racing. “Do you prefer beef or chicken?”

“Either is fine!” He called back, dragging a shaky hand through his hair.

He hated his brain.

_Think good thoughts, nothing bad is going to happen, Hinata-kun doesn’t hate you, you’re not being weird, this is a perfectly normal friend situation.  
_

Komaeda was having a minor (relatively speaking) meltdown in the kitchen. Komaeda was, at least with great effort, rationalizing that he hadn’t done anything wrong. Which worked entirely against what he was programmed to do. He had hugged Hinata, and not only had he not been shoved off with revulsion, Hinata _held_ him. His voice was so sweet, so affirming, his hands not lying limply at his sides but actively engaged in the embrace...  
  
Komaeda tried petting his own hair, but it felt different.

_  
Don’t think disgusting thoughts you horrible piece of excrement, you’re worthless, you’re worse than worthless, do you honestly think –_

  
But Hinata’s words were the opposite.

_  
“You’re alright. It’s alright. I’ve got you. You’re safe. I won’t let anything bad happen to you. You don’t have to be afraid. I’m right here.”_

  
Komaeda had refrained from breaking down completely, waiting to be pushed off, waiting, _waiting_ for Hinata to become tired of dealing with him. But it never came. And when Komaeda pulled away, instead of awkwardness…

What had been his expression? Eyes bright, face flushed, smiling like he was…  
  


_Do you truly have that level of self-obsession that anyone like Hinata-kun would ever think of you as anything better than dirt on a shoe?_

  
But again, he _knew_ that was wrong. He knew because every time he tried to say that – that was the only time he’d hear Hinata-kun’s voice become sharp or upset. What he _couldn’t_ disprove was everything else.

Komaeda leaned against the counter, looking up at the ceiling fan, the microwave oven heating their food with a soft humming sound.

Did anything ever bother Hinata-kun? He didn’t get that impression. Even when he first met him, when Komaeda had been condescending and truly despicable, he _laughed_. He still wanted to be around him. When Komaeda tentatively held his hand, not only was he not slapped away, but his grip was actively returned. When they walked the rest of the way to his apartment, Hinata-kun had held _his_ hand.

So, if he tried to do something more, would he still be accepted? Reading those romance novels, he tried to imagine himself as the main character, but he didn’t really know how to imagine it. But with Hinata-kun wanting to sleep in his bed…  
The microwave oven rang. He tried to level his breathing. He would not be so despicable as to force his disgusting thoughts onto Hinata-kun when he was a guest in his home. He refused.

 _Think good thoughts._ He repeated to himself mentally, removing the two trays with oven mitts carefully.

“Lucky thoughts.” He muttered.

The two of them ate together in moderate silence, and Komaeda decided to ask.

“Hinata-kun?” He glanced up; his hair scruffier than the last time that Komaeda had really focused on it. “Is there anything bothering you?”  
  
Hinata choked, thumping his chest, and taking a swig of water. He panted for a moment, eyes streaming.

“ _No_ , nope, I’m good.”  
  
Komaeda frowned.

“I know my talent is luck but uh – I’m not unobservant.” Hinata’s face seemed frozen, a steady shade of red blooming up from his neck. “Not that I have much right to ask but – well, Hinata-kun is always checking on me. Always making sure I’m alright. Is it exams? Are you tired?”

Was it relief that Hinata sighed with? He laughed breathily, a sound which made Komaeda’s stomach flutter with longing, but he waited.

“I’m… Yeah, I’m tired. I guess I was just thinking, earlier on today, about how everyone in the Talent Course likes me.”

“Is that unexpected? You’re nice to everybody. Of course they like you.”

“You’re included in the Talent Course, Komaeda.” He added briskly. “But I mean more like, well Kazuichi basically told me I should be accepted in, talent or no talent. And it made me think of whether or not I’m…” He trailed off, twirling his fork in hand, his eyebrows knitted. “Whether or not I’m acting... Above my station.”  
  
  
Komaeda’s stomach dropped.

_  
I wonder where he got that phrase from. I wonder who implanted that in his head – that insecurity has probably been festering in him like a horrible infection because of you. **You** made him feel this way.  
  
_

“Hinata-kun, I was acting like – like The Ultimate Asshole, remember? That – that wasn’t an accurate –”

“Do you just get that sense from me? Do you feel like I’m exempt from a Reserve Course full of leeches?”

His tone wasn’t angry, but it was slightly challenging. Komaeda noticed his fingers were trembling.  
  


“I… Don’t know. I don’t know the other students in the Reserve Course but if they’re all kind people then – then maybe Soda-kun is right. Maybe the whole division thing is stupid. I’ve seen the work you do; I’ve seen how hard you push yourself – I found you on a bench today, sleep deprived and covered in notebooks. The Talent Course doesn’t shirk, but we’re given a lot of freedom. _We_ have to wait for _your_ breaks to see you.”  
  


Komaeda felt deeply confused.

Talent, hope… They were the most important things but…  
But Hinata-kun had no talent. His talent was just being very kind. He was a regular, no – he was the self-proclaimed _most average_ of the Reserve Course. Not even the best.  
And Komaeda _needed_ him. The entire Talent Course _loved him,_ fought over him almost as much as they did Nanami.  
  


“If even a few other students in the Reserve Course are like you, then you’re the _actual_ hope of Hope’s Peak.” He said finally. “And I’m just an asshole.”

“You’re not an asshole.” Hinata grumbled.

“I am, though. I put those words in your head. Again, and again, you’ve listened to me and been – been so, so kind to me, despite my being a useless, pathetic, despicable, _disgusting_ –”

“Stop!” And Hinata’s voice was as clear and sharp as glass. “Stop saying that, I can’t stand it! I can't stand hearing you talk about yourself like that! I know you don’t like yourself, and I _know_ you’re getting better at being less self-deprecating, but if I hear you say things like that, I’m honestly going to lose my mind.”

And his last words almost sounded like they cracked in his throat. Guilt bubbled in Komaeda’s gut.

“I think –” And he seemed to swallow a lump in his throat, his fingers drumming furiously against the table as he looked down at his tray.  
  
“ _I think_ –” He took a deep breath and smacked his hand flat on the table, not loudly, but as a decisive movement.

“I think you’re _incredible_. You’re – you’re _smart_ and you're _kind_ and modest and beautiful – and honestly? The luck thing? It’s not even your best quality! It’s your talent, but it’s not even what I like about you! That’s just something you can do, like – like practicing medicine, or being a yakuza, or even shredding a guitar – it’s just a _talent!_ Have you always been easy to deal with? No! But neither am I! I’m sarcastic and blunt and sometimes? I get annoyed with _everyone_ – but never you! Because you – make – me – _happy_. _All the time._ ”  
  


Komaeda had no real response, and Hinata looked like he was waging a war in his mind, punctuating his words with bumping his fist on the table, his hazel eyes filled with a fire that was very new to his expression.

  
“Hinata-kun, your tone is sort of confusing what you’re trying to say.”

But he didn’t say anything more, his furiously passionate expression deflating. He just looked tired.  
  
“ _I_ make you happy?”

He nodded.

“Really?”

He nodded again.

“All the time?”

“Are you just going to repeat back the things I said?”

“Well, I could have misheard, you see.”  
  


Hinata breathed a laugh through his nose, looking up at him. Were his eyes always so tired? Had he just never paid attention?  
Komaeda leaned back in his chair, twisting his hands together.  
  
  
“You’re not disgusted with me.” He muttered it out nervously.

“ _Never_.” He replied, and his voice sounded as tired as he looked.  
  
Komaeda hesitated. He opened his mouth several times to speak but closed it just as fast. Hinata was just looking at him, no judgement in his face. Just kind patience.

“You’ve – you’ve asked me in the past to think about and focus on what I wanted, so that my luck could be manipulated in my favor.”

“Yeah, I remember.”

“Right. Of course. Well, I’ve been doing that. I try to use it to prevent mistakes, or accidents. I use it to make my plants grow well, or sometimes I cheat a little and have someone ‘accidentally’ forget to pick up a book they had reserved at the library so it’s just – just up for grabs, you know.”

Hinata smiled. Komaeda continued to speak as Hinata finished eating.

“But I also didn’t want my luck to affect people liking me. So I tried to keep it dialed down, like we practiced. That way, I don’t have to worry about intrusive thoughts telling me I’m… Mind controlling them, or something.”  
  
Hinata cleared his plate and drank some of his water in silence.  
  
“But then... I kind of hit a snag. Because that meant I had to be careful of what I wanted. Normally, that’s my specialty! ‘Don’t get attached to anyone or anything because it means you’ll lose it.’ But I _really_ wanted some things, and so I couldn’t not think about them. Money, books, winning games, I didn’t mind using my luck to get those things, but I was worried that – that if I wanted a – a _person,_ then…”

“If you’re worried about me, don’t be.” Hinata said dryly. “Because I think I’d already fallen in love with you before that conversation even happened.”

“I – what?”

“I said, ‘I think I’d already fallen in love with you before that conversation even happened.’” And he repeated it with a slight raise in volume and pointed annunciation.

“You – I – I heard you, I just – I think I must be misunderstanding, Hinata-kun – or maybe you’re tired and –”

“Oh, I’m exhausted, yeah. But you aren’t misunderstanding. I love you. I am completely _in_ love with you. Actually, the exhaustion is _great_ because I’m barely even mortified.”

“No that’s – you’re – you must be –”

“I’m not joking, I’m not lying, and I’m most certainly not delusional.” And his tone didn’t waver, his eye contact deliberate. “I love you. I -” he pointed at himself, “love” and he drew a small heart in the air, “you.” And he pointed directly at him. “I think I can also do it in sign language, but I wouldn’t want to screw it up. You’re not deaf, anyway, so I think I’m making sense.”

Komaeda was trying to speak, but no words were coming out.  
  


_You’re vile, you’re horrible, you’re –_

_He loves me._

_He’s playing a prank –_

_He said he wasn’t._

_He’s lying you stupid, reprehensible –_

_He **isn’t** lying. He’s **never **lied.  
  
****_

“You… _Me?”_ And his voice, unlike Hinata’s, was shaking rather horribly.

“Yeah. I love you. I can’t stand you talking about yourself with such hatred because I love you. Here, look,” And he suddenly lifted his hand and started listing things off.

“I hold your hand and try to be near you because I love you, I wanted to sleep in your bed because it smells like you, and I love you, I want you to be happy because _I love you_. And I’ll even be specific here, I’ll be _Hanamura-level_ specific, I find you incredibly attractive, I almost always think about kissing you, and I even fantasize of having a domestic life with you, which is why I was hesitant to come to your apartment.  
  
“But I’m just a Reserve Course moron with low-impulse control and enough piled on exhaustion that I can’t even lie about it anymore. You don’t even have to feel the same way. I just don’t want you to think that your luck had anything to do with this.”

“You’re not a moron.” Komaeda uttered quietly, his heart racing.

“No, I guess not. I mean I fell in love with you, so I can’t be stupid.” And he suddenly looked at Komaeda with such immense affection that he felt his heart would give out. “God, you’re pretty.”

“I – I think we should probably go to bed.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Damn I’m tired.” And he stood up and took a shivering stretch, and Komaeda’s eyes lingered on where his shirt hitched up, exposing his stomach. “Alright. Good night, Komaeda.”  
  


_He’s not even pushing anything on me – he’s not – he’s not even **asking** –_

  
“I want to sleep with you!” He suddenly blurted, louder than he had intended. His face grew very hot, clapping a hand over his mouth. “Wait! Not – not in the _other_ – just like, _together,_ not –!”  
  


But Hinata had already clasped his arm, pulling Komaeda after him. He closed the door behind them, turned out the lights, and gently tugged him onto the bed beside him. For a moment Komaeda lay there frozen, before sitting up and removing his uniform. He took Hinata’s off with violently trembling hands, the air still aside of the sound of breathing and the shuffle of clothes being thrown onto the floor, finally leaving them both in their boxers. He froze up again, unsure of what to do. Hinata’s body was tanned, muscular, and radiated warmth.  
  
  
“Komaeda. Komaeda?” Hinata’s voice was croaky with sleep. “Nagito.”

His name shot a shiver up his spine. “Lie down. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

“Wh-what?”

His arms were open. Komaeda hesitantly curled into them, and he felt a soft kiss on his shoulder as Hinata hugged around his torso. He felt himself relax. Nothing bad was happening. No bad luck. No luck involved at all.

“I love you, Nagito.” Hinata mumbled against his neck. “G’night.”  
  


It was only after Hinata was completely asleep that he turned around gingerly, kissed his collarbone, and whispered that he loved him too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are picking up a bit! I do hope you enjoyed. If people are invested in reading more, please let me know by leaving me a comment! I can post one more chapter by the end of the day.
> 
> Be excellent to each other, and be kind to yourselves!


	6. Half-Cocked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata freaks out. Things get a little bit worked up. Komaeda experiences the beautiful sensation of confidence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Full disclosure, this is a spicy chapter. And yes. The title is a pun.

_Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, what did I do, what did I do, what did I do, WHAT DID I DO._

Hinata was in his boxers. _With Komaeda_. Who was also _in his boxers_. In _his_ arms. _Sleeping_. In the _same bed_. 

In their _boxers._

He had been going through immense sleep deprivation because of all of his exams, and last night he cracked, he spilled his guts, he remembered it perfectly and though he’d felt no embarrassment at the time, he was currently mortified.

Komaeda made a soft mumbling sound against his throat, and he was so happy, he loved him, he was so beautiful, so perfect. Had he always looked so angelic? He was very thin, which Hinata frowned at, his hip bones protruding, his ribs slightly visible. He looked so vulnerable and frail, and Hinata felt a rush of protectiveness despite the fact that Komaeda stood several inches over him.

His eyes lingered over his broad shoulders, the junction where his neck sloped to meet them, the shell of his ears, which were so pale that he could see the flush of blood within. His sides rose and fell with his steady breaths.

He looked so peaceful, Hinata worried his heart might burst with love, but even his ecstasy couldn’t distract from the spindly terror that he felt inching up his spine.

His heart was _racing_. How had he managed to fall asleep like this? How could he have felt Nagito being half-naked and pressed against him and _fallen asleep?  
  
_ And although he was a hair’s breadth away from having a panic attack, he didn’t want to get up. He stroked his hair with trembling hands, leaned in and kissed his forehead and he felt how soft he was. He nuzzled his hair, and his anxiety was almost pushing him into a state of hysterical laughter. He felt almost manic with joy, but had to calm down, he had to settle down because when Komaeda woke up –

“Hinata-kun?”

His eyes were still heavy with sleep, and with immense trepidation, Hinata pressed his lips to the bridge of his nose. Komaeda closed his eyes at the contact and made a happy humming sound in the back of his throat that flooded Hinata with relief.

“You’re shaking kind of bad, are you okay?”

“I’m terrified, thank you for asking.”

“Wh-? Why?” And Komaeda looked horrified, sitting up abruptly. “Did you not want –? _Oh my God_ – did I misunderstand? I’m sorry - I'm didn't –!”

“Nagito, I love you, but please _shh_.”

“Oh.” He settled back down. “Then -?”

“I’m freaking out because I remember with absolute clarity that I was completely honest.”

“Oh!” He said with relief. “But then why -?”

“Switch places with me for a second – _not literally!_ ” He flustered out as Komaeda moved to be the big spoon. He gave up halfway and curled up on top of him. “No, I mean – I said a lot of really embarrassing things, and I told you everything – and honestly, I was sort of planning on telling you all of this in a better setting. Like in a nice garden. Or someplace where I would have been rejected and had the space to deal with it.”

“You thought I would reject you?”

“I don’t know. How does anyone know? I didn’t know if you’d want to be with – with someone who isn’t in the Talent Course. Who’s just average.”

“Hinata-kun isn’t average.” He mumbled.

“Hajime.”

“What?”

“Use my name. My given name. I _think_ ,” and he gestured at their intimate position. “We’re at that point.”

Komaeda nodded thoughtfully

“Alright.” He said simply.

“Alright?”

“Alright.” He repeated with an air of serious finality. Hinata chuckled and it grew into a full-on laugh.

“What - what do you mean _‘alright’?”_ He choked out between giggles, and Komaeda was grinning. “Th-that’s – that’s _not_ an _answer –!”_ But he wheezed out the last of the sentence with such laughter that his eyes teared up.

“It means ‘alright’! That’s my answer!” Komaeda laughed, swatting his chest, and why Hinata was laughing so hard, he had no idea, but he could barely breathe. And suddenly the both of them were in uproar, laughing over the pent-up tension, laughing at themselves, and finally coughing and gasping with tears of mirth being wiped away.

“Sorry, I just –” And he cleared his throat before he could start cracking up again. “I just felt really vulnerable, I guess? Maybe everything’s kind of funny right now.”

“I want to kiss you, is that okay?”

Hinata was caught off guard, blinking a few times as though to make sure he was seeing properly.

“Yeah, I – yes, please.” Komaeda nodded, adjusting himself so that he straddled Hinata’s waist, who was suddenly aware that his whole body was ‘waking up’, so to speak.

He lowered himself slowly, their lips grazed, and Hinata raised his head to fully kiss him.

His breath hitched in his throat, and Komaeda melted down on top of him, deepening the kiss with a sort of intensity that he hadn’t expected. His hands ran up from Komaeda’s hips to his shoulders, feeling him shiver, and he felt his partner’s hands, one cupped against his cheek, the other lightly gripping his hair, and when he parted his lips to give Komaeda permission, he felt him take a breath.

_"I love you, Hajime.”_

And Hinata groaned feverishly into his mouth, tongues meshing together, pulling Komaeda flush against him as tightly as he could, sucking and nibbling his lower lip, and became acutely aware of something hot and hard pressing against his abdomen. And when Komaeda rolled his hips against his stomach, grinding it against him, he felt a whine slip past his throat.

He broke away to breathe, keeping his lips lightly brushing against Komaeda’s, who’s hips jerked slightly when he let Hinata’s hand move towards his thigh.  
They kissed again, deeper, more urgently than before, and Komaeda grinded his hips down, low enough so that Hinata felt his own aching member throb when Komaeda’s hips rolled forward once again.

Komaeda’s moans were shaking, his whole body warm and trembling, and Hinata separated the kiss just to see his face – pale and flushed, lips slightly swollen, and his eyes were extremely bright – and extremely _focused_. Hinata had their foreheads pressed together, moving his own hips to meet Komaeda’s every time he moved to increase the friction, and he suddenly realized that he was starting to completely unravel. Hinata wanted to be insecure of his frenzied whimpers and the rough, ragged breathing that punctuated each groan while his hips thrusted up needily, but he found that he didn’t care.

“H- _hah_ – N- _Nagito_ , I’m –”

“I know.” He choked out, kissing him again, his body now really shaking. “I love you – _oh God_ – I love you – H-Hajime, _I love you,_ I -” Hinata pulled the rest of the words into his mouth, sweating and trembling.

He was so close – he was _so close._ He felt Nagito cry against his mouth before pulling back just enough to let out a desperate, cracking moan – and at the sound Hinata felt all the heat in his body explode in his stomach. Registering the hot wetness of Komaeda’s release set him crashing over the edge.

He kissed Komaeda again, his whole body tensing up, fingers digging into Komaeda’s shoulders, shaking with desperate need, and when he felt Komaeda’s hand squeeze his him under his boxers, he felt relief course through every nerve in his body like a current of euphoric electricity. Komaeda flopped on top of him, gasping as though there wasn’t enough air in his lungs. Hinata peppered kisses wherever he could reach, unabashedly snuggling him, and finally Komaeda rolled over.

“Sorry.” He panted, his pale face flushed, but looking absolutely blissed out.

“I'm sorry, Nagito, _what?”_

“K-kinda – _hah_ – lost control, a little bit.” He laughed, still panting, and Hinata felt his heart melt at how musical it sounded. “Ha-ji-me. What a nice name. _My Hajime._ ” Hinata’s heart swelled as he shuffled closer to him. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

They lay in silence for a while, just the sounds of breathing and kisses, Komaeda rested happily on Hinata’s chest.

“That... That was okay right?” He asked, a hint of insecurity back in his voice. “I mean, you didn’t push me off or anything but –”

“ _God,_ yes. Yes, that was _very_ okay. More than okay. I was actually sort of worried I would freak _you_ out.”

“I know I’m not exactly the king of being level-headed, but I must have been decent at hiding it if you haven't cottoned on that I was kind of obsessed with you.” Komaeda said conversationally.

“‘ _Was_ obsessed’? What, is the magic gone?” Komaeda snorted and shoved Hinata playfully.

“Do you have _any idea_ how many times I had to do the belt trick?” He muttered, looking at him askance with a wry smile. “Six or something. It’s ridiculous.”

The thought of this slowly dawned on Hinata as he traced his fingers over the slender, pale, beautiful body beside him. He felt Komaeda shiver pleasantly.

“I’m not… I’m not immune to you, you know. In – in case you ever thought that. That’s what I found so _scary_.” He covered his face with a hand, and Hinata could see the blush blooming underneath. “It’s _one_ thing to imagine someone allowing you to hug them or – or hold their hand – but it’s another beast _entirely_ when you’re consumed with the idea of taking someone against the bookshelf. Especially with how I view myself.”

“The bookshelf, huh?” Komaeda groaned, now using both hands to cover his face. “I’ll keep that pinned in the back of my mind.”

“ _Please_ don’t.” He muffled through his fingers. “I would feel very ashamed if I desecrated a library.”

Hinata hummed a laugh, lightly scratching the nape of his boyfriend’s neck.

 _Boyfriend._ He thought with a level of elation he’d never experienced before. _My boyfriend. Like we’re a couple. Nagito and Hajime. The Ultimate Lucky student and the Reserve –_

“Oh shit.” And Hinata sat up in such a panic that Komaeda yelped comically. “Oh no, no, no – Nagito what time is it?”

“L-like six in the morning! We must have fallen asleep around ten, so,” and he leaned over to pick up the alarm clock on the bedside table. “Yeah, it’s six thirty. Classes start in two hours. We have time to get ready.”

“My heart’s going _that fast._ ” Hinata wheezed, clutching his hand over his chest. “I have an exam at nine, and another at around noon. I thought for a second – _God._ ” And he pinched the bridge of his nose before sighing. “I’m really glad you were with me, otherwise I might have slept in.”  
And he found himself staring blankly into space at the horror of it. Komaeda squeezed his hand gently. “We should probably wash up.” He mumbled, his stomach now becoming uncomfortably cold as well as sticky.

“You can use this shower, I’ll take the other one.” Komaeda instructed, his tone businesslike. Hinata felt somewhat nostalgic, remembering how condescending he could sound when he wanted to. He made no indication to Komaeda that he found it somewhat thrilling, but assumed that by showering separately, his boyfriend was giving a small note that he wasn’t ready yet, something that Hinata found deeply endearing. “Let me know if you need anything, I’ll be –”

“I _love_ you, Nagito.” He said, stretching it out to sound as nauseatingly adoring as he could manage, and Komaeda’s face rose in color again, his fluffy hair all over the place, his eyes flitting around as though he were searching for some spectral being that could tell him what to do.

“I – you too – I’ll be back – I’ll – yeah.”

And he shuffled out of the room, the back of his neck vividly flushed.

Hinata smoothed his uniform over with his palms, not entirely pleased with the creases that had made a home in his clothes overnight. Komaeda had offered to lend him something similar, but aside of the fact that the Reserve Course had very specific uniforms to distinguish their students from the prestigious Talent Course, Hinata was drowning in Komaeda’s clothes. He had already needed to borrow a pair of his boxers, which he consciously tried to avoid thinking about.

“...I know you’re taller, but I figured it would be tighter on the chest.” He’d muttered as he looked in the mirror, pulling his arms back.

“My body is sort of like a board, flat and broad, Hina – Hajime.” He corrected himself, smoothing down his own uniform. “But you have a nice build. You actually have muscles. Your uniform doesn’t do you justice.” He’d said all this very matter-of-factly, and Hinata got a deep sense of satisfaction from being actively checked out by his boyfriend.

Komaeda also seemed to have a certain spring in his step, he noticed as they walked to school. His face looked, very surprisingly, confident. Self-assured.

“You look like you’re in a good mood.” Hinata said fondly. “You sleep well?”

“Actually, yes.” And there wasn’t even a stutter, no apologies, no self-deprecation. It was _wonderful_. “I had no nightmares. None! That hasn’t happened to me for quite a while.” Komaeda appeared to steel himself momentarily, and Hajime felt a firm clasp on his hand as they walked, which he immediately returned.

He didn’t ask, he didn’t apologize, and Hinata must have been looking at him rather stupidly with affection, because the corners of his eyes crinkled into a smile.

“Something on your mind, Hajime?” His heart _swelled_.

“Nothing. I just love you.”

The spring in Komaeda’s step only became more prominent. They passed by a dying plant and Hinata swore it started blooming.

When they reached the gates of Hope’s Peak, he suddenly felt reality douse his elation. Hinata had to go the other way, to the building on the opposite end of the courtyard.

“Well, I’ll wish you luck on your exams. Maybe with my talent and your hard work, you’ll get some stellar grades.” Komaeda offered encouragingly with twinkling eyes. Other students were filing into their respective buildings.

“Ahh, don’t do that!” Hinata laughed. “I’d feel bad if I had an unfair edge. I put in the work. Hopefully, everything will be alright. At least I’m well rested.”

He looked up at his boyfriend, who had a look of peculiar admiration on his face.

“You might be the only person who wouldn’t want me to give you an advantage.”

“Eh, I’ve already got _you_ , I think wanting more than that would be pretty stupid. Just because my boyfriend is lucky doesn’t mean I should automatically ace everything.” He saw Komaeda mouth the word “boyfriend” after he said it, looking extremely pleased, his face slightly pink.  
  
“I’ll definitely come see you if we get a break. I can’t guarantee we will, because they’re really riding us right now.”

“And that isn’t their job to do, of course.” Komaeda commented seriously.

“Yeah, I – _wait_ – did you just make a –?” He caught the sly grin slowly forming on his face. Hinata snorted with laughter. “Ha! Did you take a shot of confidence or something, Nagito? Since we left the house this morning you’ve been acting – well – _confident._ It’s really nice.”  
  
He had to edit the last word in his head before he said ‘attractive’ as he was pretty sure that would fluster Komaeda.

“I think I’m actually _happy,_ Hajime. I mean, don’t get too used to it, I’m sure something will knock me off my high horse by the end of the day. But for now?” He shrugged, smiling casually. And before Hinata expected it, Komaeda _kissed him_. In _front_ of people. Without freaking out, _at all_. And he kissed him back.

When they parted, Komaeda straightened, gave his hand a squeeze and told him, “Good luck!"

And Hinata could hear some Reserve Course students muttering, but he found he didn’t care, his face warm, his head fuzzy. He just watched Komaeda walk towards his building, and once he was halfway there, he saw him do a small fist pump.  
  
About five minutes later, his head cleared, and he moseyed on to his classroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting this chapter a little early since I'll probably be swarmed with work tomorrow. Hopefully I'll still be able to post two more, but just in case, I'm putting this one up now!  
> As always, I am deeply grateful for any and all support. Each comment I receive honest-to-God fills me with the utmost joy. I do hope you enjoy, and I thank you all again! <3


	7. Touchy-Feely Stuff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Komaeda contemplates his situation a little bit. Nanami is a sweetheart.
> 
> Hinata talks to someone that reminds him of his predicament.

Owari and Nidai were arm wrestling in the classroom, each of them letting out a battle cry as they competed. Koizumi was taking photographs, and Saionji had her head propped over her shoulder as she snapped away. Komaeda could hear each of his classmates engaging with one another in different conversations, but his head was elsewhere.

_He **loves** me. Hajime **loves** me. I’m his boyfriend, he really **wants** me._

Komaeda twirled his pencil, humming some indistinct tune, daydreaming of warm Hinata’s hands were, how _eagerly_ he kissed him, how melodic his laugh was, how his body was almost perfectly contoured against his own, how Komaeda had seen proof with his own two eyes that Hinata physically _wanted_ him. _Him,_ someone that…

His brow knitted slightly. He felt a little guilty, being so happy. Was it okay to feel confident? Would he be punished –

That was wrong, it had to be - He could see Hinata's encouraging smile in his head - Hinata was _so_ overjoyed whenever Komaeda was happy... 

Plus Hinata had _liked_ his confidence, and more than that, he didn’t even care about Komaeda’s luck. He just wanted _him_. And he relaxed again, thinking of how safe he felt, for the first time. He stared out of the window serenly.

_Was he bothered that I was nervous to go further this morning? Had he wanted -?_

But he shook his head again. He had to stop worrying. Hinata was very honest, sometimes to the point of rudeness, and Komaeda remembered his words from the night before…

_“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”_

And it wasn’t that he didn’t _want_ to, but he’d only had his first kiss this morning, so it was only natural (from what little he knew of romance) that he wouldn’t want to get too carried away. Komaeda felt his neck prickle with heat.  
  


He’d _already_ gotten a little carried away earlier...

“Yo, Komaeda.” He blinked a few times, broken from his reverie. He looked up. Kazuichi gave him a mock salute with a mischievous smile on his face.

“Ah, Soda-kun, good morning!”

“Ack – not you too, man! Kazuichi is fine.” He muttered. “So, hey,” and he scooted a desk over to Komaeda. “You and Hinata are pretty good friends, right?”

“Hajime?” He blinked again. “Yeah, I’d… Say so.” And he tried to clear his thoughts from this morning.

“Wha – he lets you call him Hajime? _Damn_ it! I thought I had him in the best bro department.” He snapped his fingers and sighed miserably. He slumped in his seat, lolling his head over lazily as he complained. “You know, I tried calling him ‘Haji’ once, like Ibuki does, and he gave me such a _look_. I haven’t attempted it since.”  
  


Komaeda gave him a sympathetic smile.

  
“So look – I’m not trying to betray the soul friend code, but he let slip that he likes someone _in the Talent Course_.” And he lowered his voice as much as he could. “I’m _pretty_ sure it’s Koizumi,” he continued at a regular volume. “But he wouldn’t tell me anything else. But you’re probably his favorite if he lets you call him by his actual name, so help me be his wingman!”

  
Komaeda was processing a large amount of information at once.

  
“He told you this… Yesterday?”

“Yeah. He seemed all moody about it. But I’m trying to get him to help me with Sonia, so I figure if it’s like a tradeoff, then maybe he’ll be cheerful enough to help me out! Brother to brother!” He gesticulated between their chests for emphasis.

  
Komaeda was very good at maintaining a poker face, but he felt a deep rush of love towards Hinata. He had been that concerned? He’d been so unsure that he actually mentioned it to Kazuichi?

  
“Soda-kun, I don’t think you have to worry.” Komaeda replied kindly. “Hajime’s in very good spirits. I think he might have just been venting. He has a lot of exams, you know.”

“It’s _Kazuichi_ , man!” He corrected stubbornly. “Anyway, I asked Koizumi if she likes anyone, but in all honesty, I’m thinking she – you know – swings for the other team. Her and Saionji, y’know what I’m saying?” And he winked, punching Komaeda’s shoulder lightly. But then his face grew cloudy. “But I’m worried about breaking his heart, so I need to find him someone else. You’re the chosen one, what do you say?”

  
Komaeda laughed sheepishly at the title of ‘the chosen one’ assuming Kazuichi felt slightly wounded that Hinata had chosen another best friend. He tried to think of an answer.

  
Hinata hadn’t said that he wanted everyone to know at this point, and Komaeda understood that. His anxieties insisted that it would probably be an embarrassment to be associated with him romantically, but he tried to push them aside. He pieced together that he’d probably be more self-conscious about dating a boy, or perhaps even about dating an Ultimate. Then again, he hadn’t seemed unhappy at all when he’d kissed him in the courtyard… Was he overthinking it?

  
“Earth to Komaeda, man. You’re staring into space.”

“Ah, my apologies, Soda-kun.” Kazuichi grumbled at the honorific. “I think you’d be better off asking Hajime what he wants. He’s the only person who should really be in charge of his own life, right? All we can do as his friends is to be supportive.”

“Man, you _would_ say some touchy-feely stuff like that.”

“Also, don’t you think maybe Sonia-san and Tanaka-san are…?” Komaeda began delicately, but Kazuichi grumbled louder and scooted his desk away.

  
But Komaeda felt the smallest twinge of envy. He couldn’t expect Kazuichi to be his confidant, and normally Komaeda talked to Hinata about everything. He was friends with his classmates by now, yes, but as for someone he could trust _openly...  
_

“Komaeda-kun? What’s up?”

Nanami was looking at him with interest, her fingers still mashing combos on her game system without even needing to glance at the screen. The Ultimate Gamer at her finest.

“Nanami-san, can I entrust you with a somewhat… Delicate matter?”

“Yup. I’m pretty good with secrets. It’s why I’ve never written a walkthrough for a game. If someone is dedicated enough, they’ll uncover everything themselves.” Her voice was as gentle as always, her eyes a little sleepy, her video game praising every rapid button mash with a _‘perfect!’_ or _‘tempo up!’_ response.

“Right. Okay.” Komaeda said thoughtfully. “You and Hajime are pretty good friends, right?”

“I think so.” She replied simply. “We get along really well. I’m really glad he always hangs out here… Even if he sort of has to be dragged.”

  
He nodded, his stomach turning slightly. He suddenly felt a little nervous.

  
“Do you like him? Like, as more than a friend?” She tilted her head, expression unchanged.

“That sounds like it would be a little exhausting.” She answered truthfully. “Hajime is really nice, and I like being his friend, but I don’t think I’d want him to be anything else. I don’t get the impression that he wants that, either. We usually just talk about games, or his studies.”

“That’s great.” Komaeda sighed, relieved. “Because, uh – _I’m_ dating him. We are…” And he lowered his voice to almost a conspiratorial whisper, his eyes darting around for anyone nearby. “ _A couple_.”  
  


Nanami tilted her head again, but then gave a slight smile.

  
“That’s nice. I don’t think I would have imagined that, but it doesn’t – oh, shoot.” She pouted at the screen of her game. “I messed up.” She mumbled something inaudible as she restarted the level. “… But it doesn’t seem that strange to me, when I think about it.” She continued, her voice still slightly monotone. “You spend a lot of time together. I sort of got a feeling once I heard you call him ‘Hajime’, he really only lets the girls get away with that, usually, I think.”

“Don’t you think it’s a little weird?” Komaeda asked, feeling his face get warm, fidgeting with his sleeve.

“Because you’re both boys? Not really. I’ve often pursued girls, sometimes more than one at a time.” Komaeda’s eyebrows raised. “But that’s only because different romance options give different prizes, I usually have a favorite. There’s a pink-haired one I really like that has really good weapons, and she gets you special drops if her heart level is above a certain point.”  
  


_Ah… She’s talking about a game._ Komaeda realized with a chuckle.

  
“You have to be careful too, because if you raise the heart level of more than one girl, if one of them finds out, you’ll lose all of your hearts, and any special weapons you unlocked get locked right back up.”

“Actually – the boy thing aside, I was more worried he’d be concerned with how the other Talent Course students would see it. Since he’s in the Reserve Course.”

“That’s dumb.” Nanami said bluntly, her eyes refocused on her console. “Koizumi-san is best friends with a girl in the Reserve Course. It’s not like we _never_ mingle, and when we don’t, it’s mostly the school’s fault, I think. Besides, I’ve told him before that there are more important things than talent. Having friends is way more important. Hajime is basically one of us, anyway.”  
  


Nanami’s game let out a trumpet fanfare, followed by a ‘level cleared!’ and she smiled, putting the game down and stretching her wrists.

  
“I wouldn’t worry about it too much. Obviously, we’re just one class in the Talent Course, but even so, if someone with a talent likes someone in the Reserve Course, then it isn’t like they’re just hanging around to make connections. Plus, Hajime has been hanging around for months, and he’s always brought _here_. No one can say he just comes here of his own accord, right?”

  
Komaeda found himself smiling, his shoulders relaxing. That was right – Hinata never came of his own accord. He probably did it on purpose, making sure that if he was hanging out with them, it was only because they wanted him there. He felt his cheeks grow warm with affection.

  
“Hajime is really nice. I’m glad I helped you meet him.”

  
He smiled, rubbing the back of his neck, and nodded.

Hinata was in hell. After spending two hours on his first exam, he finally had a moment to breathe, and was sitting on a bench in the hallway, eating some snacks from the vending machine. His back ached, his wrist was cramping, his eyes were blurry from squinting at formulas, and he was overhearing people muttering about what they’d seen in the courtyard.

Hinata almost laughed to himself – there wasn’t much harassment regarding the fact that Komaeda was a boy, but more that he was an Ultimate, and the word was Hinata must be sleeping with him to make connections.  
  
But the stupid part was, they were _inaccurate._ The people muttering were the same people that would mutter whenever Ibuki would arrive, electric guitar slung across her chest, shredding a single chord that meant Hinata had better start hauling ass to the other building lest she start growling the lyrics to her latest song.

The same people who would hush, _“Isn’t that the Ultimate Japanese Dancer?”  
“She told me to get the hell out of her way because I made her nauseous!”  
“If she hates the Reserve Course so much, why the hell is she dragging Hinata around like a ragdoll?”_

Saionji _had_ made his life a little bit more difficult.

Ironically, Komaeda came around the least often to pick him up, and his disposition towards the Reserve Course had shifted so dramatically that he actually came off as _charming_ to his classmates. He was polite and deferential, would give a little bow before asking if he could borrow Hinata during the break.  
But whatever memory they had of Komaeda had clearly long dissipated. Or if it hadn’t then _Hinata,_ despite being an average guy in looks, manners, and intellect, had somehow – and he almost rolled his eyes at his own thoughts – _seduced_ someone in the Talent Course.

_“It was the Ultimate Lucky Student, right?”  
“Isn’t he known for being kind of weird?”  
“I’ve heard he really looks down on the Reserve Course.”_

And Hinata couldn’t _technically_ disprove those things. Sure, Komaeda had an eccentric streak, but it was mostly fueled by his own anxiety and insecurities. He’d certainly improved a hell of a lot. And yeah, he had looked down on the Reserve Course, but Hinata knew firsthand that if he still held that disdain, Komaeda would still be looking at him like he was a waste of time.

As for being the Ultimate Lucky Student, that was his _talent_ , but he was more than just his talent. He was warm and vulnerable and good-hearted. He wanted to give others hope. He was capable of being really kind, and even funny when he felt confident enough to crack a joke. Hinata wasn’t going to pick a fight, but if someone tried to start something, he wasn’t going to take it sitting down.

No one tried to, though. Perhaps because his glare warned them against it, perhaps because people who gossip were generally cowardly.

“It’s sort of annoying right?” Someone sat down next to him with a soft flump. Hinata’s eyes narrowed. “I’m not here to be mean, don’t worry!”

Suddenly, Hinata recognized her.

“Sato-san, right? You’re Koizumi-san’s friend.”

“Yup.” And she said it with a tint of melancholy in her voice. She was like him. She even looked a little like him, dark brown hair that fell past her shoulders, an average build and a pleasant, but average face.

  
Just a regular girl. A regular Reserve Course student.

  
“It’s probably kind of different, since Mahiru isn’t my girlfriend, but we’re best friends, so whenever we hang out, I usually have to hear a similar kind of gossip.”

“I don’t really get why it’s such a big deal.”

“We’re just lucky, to them. Most Reserve Course students really want to get into the Talent Course, so they’d do anything to make connections. In the end, the Talent Course students stop being people, and are more like icons to aspire to.” She rested her head on her hands. “Plus, it _was_ a little shameless to kiss someone in front of so many people. I mean even couples in the Reserve Course don’t do that sort of thing.”  
  
“H-hey!”  
  
“It’s not all bad though. It’s kind of romantic.” She continued as though he hadn’t said anything. “But geez, we’re already getting test after test, you know! It’s not like it’s necessary to try to stir up trouble.” And she sighed. “I guess people are desperate for something interesting to talk about.”  
  
“Y-yeah, I guess.”  
  
“Anyway, it won’t last forever. Since you’re friends with so many of the Talent Course students, you’re bound to get transferred any day now, right?” And she gave him what she thought must have been a reassuring pat on the shoulder, before walking back to class.  
  
But Hinata wasn’t going to be transferred. He didn’t have a talent.  
  
He finished eating his pitiable excuse for a lunch and went back to class to take his next exam, head pounding.  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always for reading! Every comment I receive fill me with such elation that I feel like I'm floating on a very happy cloud, I am so, so grateful.  
> I'm roughly 25% done with the second installment, so hopefully it will be ready by the time this fic is posted in its entirety.
> 
> Oh - and an interesting little tidbit. The closest thing I will ever write to a self-insert is a character that Nanami romances in a video game. I, too, have neon pink hair and an extreme aptitude with firearms.  
> Because Nanami (along with Kirigiri) is uh, the BEST GIRL.
> 
> Thank you all again! See you soon for the next chapter! <3 <3 <3


	8. Separation Anxiety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata finally finishes his exams for the day. Ibuki takes the stage.
> 
> Hinata and Komaeda have a good talk.

“I think I’m dying.” Hinata groaned to no one in particular. Each Reserve Course student hobbled out of their respective classrooms, positively harrowed. No one was gossiping now; everyone completely depleted and drained. Their spirits had been broken by arithmetic, chemistry, physics, rudimentary medical knowledge, world history, translating Japanese to English, translating English to Japanese, art history...  
  
Anything that could be on the test, _was_ on the test, and Hinata felt like his head was going to burst – 

A loud blast of noise was heard from the end of the hallway.

“Oh no.”

Another one, shredding into an ear-piercing melody.

“Please not now.” He turned to see, of course, none other than Ibuki Mioda. “Oh no, no, _no_ –”

“OH _YEAH!”_ Ibuki roared, striking a rocker pose, shredding another screeching note. “HAJI, YOUR TIME HAS _COME!”_

“I – okay.” He mumbled, rubbing his temples, walking towards her. “ _Please_ stop playing, Ibuki, everyone is dead tired from exams.”

“Pssht!” She waved her hand dismissively. “Then they need to li-ven _up!”_ And she played a jazzy progression. People were staring. He heard the muttering start again, sounding far irater than before. He shook his head and she, as always, grabbed him by the elbow and dragged him out of the building.

“Ibuki,” he groaned, having to double-step to keep up with her pace. “Look, I’m already having some trouble dealing with the stress of everything – didn’t anyone else volunteer to come by? You know, maybe someone who _doesn’t_ start playing guitar in the hallway?”

“Hm? Chiaki was busy, and Nagi said he wouldn’t want to bother you if you were tired.”

“Kazuichi didn’t offer?” He was panting slightly now, his wrist sore from being dragged.

“He said that since Nagi’s your ‘best bro’ he should do it. I think he’s sulking, haha!”  
  
Ibuki didn’t slow down, not going up the stairs, not while hauling him down the hall, and stopping only to swing open the door to the classroom.

“I come bearing our boy!” She announced with another discordant twang of her guitar, and then she slapped his back so hard his knees buckled. He groaned.  
  


“Hey, hey, Hajime. How was the testing?” Nanami gave him a hand to pull him up.  
  
“Sorry. I was going to come get you but Hanamura-kun started doing ‘show-and-tell’ with some weird magazines, so I had to get everyone to settle down. Kazuichi’s in the corner because he was encouraging him. Ibuki seemed… Sort of eager.”

“Yeah, I think she might have turned the entire Reserve Course against me. She started playing, you know what she does.”

“Was it hard?”

“Miserable. I’m really glad it’s the weekend tomorrow.” His eyes scanned the classroom, but –

“Komaeda-kun isn’t back yet. He went to grab some drinks and snacks.” He looked at Nanami suspiciously. “Sorry, I just thought you looked sort of disappointed.”

“Where are Owari-san and Nidai-kun?” He asked, changing the subject abruptly and sitting down at one of the desks.

“Babysitting Hanamura-kun." Nanami answered, sitting next to him. "We’re having another game night. Or, evening, I guess.” She said thoughtfully, tapping her chin.

“Hanamura-kun said he’d make dinner, but after an incident we always have someone other than Saionji-san keeping an eye on him to make sure he doesn’t put anything… Weird in it.”

“Game night?”

“Yup. Kazuichi sets up a fancy TV and we play video games. Yukizome-sensei says it’s a good bonding experience, so we’re allowed to stay late.”

“That sounds fun. So why’d you have Ibuki drag me over here?”

Nanami tilted her head, looking a little disappointed.

“You’re going to play with us, right?”

“I –” Hinata was exhausted. Every part of his body was aching, his head was pounding, he felt lightheaded...

But then again, it sounded fun. He’d get to be with his friends. He’d get to be with Komaeda. He’d get to eat a proper meal...

“... Yeah, okay. But I’m just gonna rest for a little while, alright? Please tell Ibuki not to poke me.”

Nanami smiled with a radiating sort of kindness. He felt himself smile back fondly. He got along with everyone in the Talent Course, but she was probably the least eccentric of the lot of them – that, and she knew better than anyone that sleep came first sometimes.  
  
He placed his backpack against the wall and lay down. It was lumpy and uncomfortable, and he was sure he’d have a bump on his head later, but he was so tired that he almost instantly drifted into a nap.

_“Lemme poke him –”  
“No, **bad.** No, Ibuki.”  
“Come onnn, just one, just a one, a two, a one-two-three-four – **mmph**!”  
“Thanks, Kuzuryu-kun.”  
“If I had to hear that damn song about a dumpster baby again, I’d lose my fucking mind.”_

Hinata blinked blearily. The room was cast in an orange glow, and something smelled extremely good.

“Finally! The idiot is awake so we can actually eat now, _right?”_ Saionji’s voice was as shrill as ever.

He sat up, rubbing the back of his head to find that it wasn’t as sore as he thought it would be. He turned to see that his bag he’d been sleeping on had been replaced with a rolled-up jacket. A green rolled-up jacket. Kuzuryu extended his arm wordlessly and Hinata pulled himself up with an awkward thanks.

“H-H-Hinata-kun, I w-wanted to m-make sure you w-weren’t overexerted.” Tsumiki said nervously, wringing her hands. “K-Komaeda-kun said I c-could use his j-j-jacket to put u-under your h-head, I h-hope that’s o-okay.”

“Yeah, thank you Tsumiki-san.”

“Hey! Pig shit! It’s time to eat!” Saionji snapped, and Tsumiki wailed apology after apology, the Ultimate Nurse taking her seat on the floor, sniffling.

Hinata felt vaguely embarrassed, watching everyone gather around to get handed platters of Hanamura’s cooking. He looked around again and felt a hand on his shoulder. Komaeda gave him a small wave and smiled.

“ _Nagito!_ " And he must have sounded a little too enthusiastic, Komaeda’s face flushing slightly. He cleared his throat and lowered his voice. “Afternoon.”

“Good afternoon.” He returned kindly. “Let’s sit down before Saionji-san starts yelling.”

Hinata felt a little awkward with how hungry he was, but Owari ate with such fevered gusto that she made everyone else look far more refined. He had no idea what meat he was eating, but with all of Hanamura’s… Quirks, he was still the Ultimate Chef, and it was incredibly delicious. He made sure to praise everything he ate, thanking Hanamura extensively for his generosity, and was quickly teased for being formal.

“You know, Hinata-kun, if you like my meat that much, I should tell you that my radar has _plenty_ of room for you.” Hanamura purred suggestively, before getting smacked by Nanami with what Hinata assumed was one of the ‘weird’ magazines she’d confiscated from him earlier.

“Hanamura-kun, has that line _ever_ worked on _anybody?"_ Hinata laughed with genuine curiosity.

“It’s not always a matter of whether it’s worked before – it’s whether it might work next time!”

“Flirting isn’t the same thing as a recipe, you fucking weirdo.” Kuzuryu said brusquely, but he looked more amused than anything else. Pekoyama chuckled.

Kazuichi and Nanami started to set up the television, and conversation picked up around the room. Hinata saw Sonia with her head rested on Tanaka’s shoulder, playing with his four hamsters and giggling. He didn’t even have to look at Kazuichi to know that he was scowling. Koizumi was messing with Saionji’s hair, and Tsumiki sat nearby, seemingly happy just to be allowed near them.

“How were the exams?” Hinata turned to face Komaeda, who looked just as relaxed as he had in the morning. Hinata was careful not to let his expression get too obviously affectionate.

“Terrible. I mean, I think I did the best I could, but at the time? For a second I honestly considered just leaving. Just pack up my bag, transfer to a regular school, with regular exams.”

“But you wouldn’t, right?” He saw Komaeda tense up, just slightly, not enough that anyone other than Hinata would notice. And his face reflexively softened.

His voice left his mouth far, far too lovingly, unacceptably tenderly when he replied.

“No, Nagito. I don’t think I could ever do that.”

_Kiss him. Kiss him. Fuck it, just do it, what does it matter?_ He closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead with his palm. He wasn’t just going to… It suddenly dawned on him. Did anyone know? He didn’t know if it _mattered,_ but –

“I hope no one gave you a hard time earlier.” Komaeda said casually, as though he had read Hinata’s mind. "Oh, I mentioned to Nanami-san that we were talking this morning, she probably already checked in on you about your exams. Did she mention your uniform?”

Komaeda said all of this airily and with a serene expression.

He mentioned to Nanami… _Ah, so he had probably told Nanami._ She checked in about the exams, but why would she ask about his _uniform?_ Because it was wrinkled? _Wait._

_It got wrinkled because I stayed the night. When did he get so good at talking in code?_

“Ah no, she didn’t mention it. Is it obvious?”

“Not extremely. No one else noticed.” Then he feigned thoughtfulness. “Well, _I_ can notice. But that’s probably because I know about it.”  
  


Komaeda’s poker face was immaculate, but Hinata could also tell that he was keeping it on for the same purpose that Hinata was trying to be discreet. “Ah, I should mention, Soda-kun is slightly upset with me. I think you worried him yesterday, but when I told him I didn’t think he should worry I think he felt I was trying to usurp him as your ‘best bro’. So you might want to clear that up, because uh, he keeps… Glaring at me.”

  
And his poker face dropped, an awkward smile playing on his lips as he scratched the back of his head.

  
“Should I just be honest with him?” And Hinata’s eyes flitted towards Kazuichi, who quickly pretended to be busy with some cables.

“That’s entirely up to you, Hajime. It’s all the same to me.” Komaeda answered cheerfully, and Hinata’s heart tugged at how the golden light from the window made him look all the more radiant.

“Damn – we’re missing a cable. Hey, Komaeda, do you know where we might find another cable cord? I already checked the A/V Room, but it was a black HDMI cable and –”

“Didn’t we use it last when we watched a movie in the library?” Nanami thought aloud, and Kazuichi nodded, turning back to Komaeda.

“Yo Komaeda, can you grab it for us, man? You’ll probably be able to find it easier with your luck.”

“Ah, sure. I’ve been sitting for a while, it’d be good to take a walk.”

“I’ll join you.” Hinata said, stretching. “I could use some fresh air.”

  
Hinata didn’t really care about getting air, but he trailed after Komaeda, maintaining the posture of someone far more disinterested than he actually was. He kept his hands in his pockets until the two of them began down the stairwell, during which point he held Komaeda’s hand.

  
“ _Very_ natural.” Komaeda chuckled, leaning over and kissing Hinata on the edge of his cheek. “I almost believed you!”

“Yeah, about that – did you manage to come up with that code on the spot?” And he decided to be a little more daring, placing his arm around his partner’s waist after they reached the bottom floor.

Komaeda leaned into it, draping his own arm around Hinata’s shoulders, and squeezing him.

“It wasn’t too hard. I knew you would be able to connect the dots. Hajime is very smart, after all.” His voice was warm and genuine, and Hinata barely resisted the urge to pull him by his collar into an urgent kiss. “I did tell Nanami-san, I hope that’s alright. I just wanted her opinion.”

“On?”

“Whether I should be worried about you. Normally, I sort of hear your voice telling me what to do. What’s good, what’s bad, and when I panic, I can almost hear you disproving anything I’m anxious about. But I didn’t want you to be worried, and if there’s anyone I trust to care about you as much as I do, it’s Nanami-san.”  
  


Hinata stayed quiet, listening.

  
“I didn’t want the other Reserve Course students to give you trouble. I didn’t want to be the _cause_ of that trouble. And I didn’t want to bother you with it, because I don’t want you to feel ashamed of being there. I’m… I’m trying not to repeat my mistakes, essentially. So –”

  
Hinata failed to resist the urge.

He had one hand fiercely gripping Komaeda by the collar, the other wrapped around his neck as he kissed him with all of his pent-up stress, all of his love, with such a desperate need that he moaned into Komaeda’s mouth. The arm that had been around his shoulders now wrapped around his torso, Komaeda pulling him so tight he lost his breath, and he felt his boyfriend’s free hand slide just beneath his ear, trembling, tipping his head up slightly so that the kiss could be deepened further. Hinata shuddered into the warm wetness, a low moan from Komaeda vibrating against his chest. He slid one of his hands into his soft, white hair, gripping it to draw him in as close as he could. He pulled away only for a moment to catch his breath, and Komaeda let out a shaky laugh.

“I love you.” Hinata murmured before leaning back in, and he got a surge of pleasure that Komaeda repeated it back, like a mantra, every time their lips separated just enough. Hinata felt himself getting the familiar sensation of heat pooling in his abdomen and he broke away, panting roughly. Komaeda was very red in the face, his lips pink, his hair messed up from Hinata’s urgency to tangle his hand in his locks. His eyes were squeezed shut, his breathing ragged. “Nagito? Are you alright?”

He opened his eyes, which were bright and glossy, chuckling with trembling breaths.

“Yeah, I’m – yeah. Just got a little worked up.” He let out a low whistle, letting his head drop onto Hinata’s shoulder. “I’ve gotta do the belt trick again.” He muffled into Hinata’s shirt. He could feel his hands graze his hips as he adjusted himself. Hinata resisted the impulse to intervene.

But while Komaeda’s face was buried against his shoulder, Hinata cleared his throat.

“There’s – I don’t want you to ever feel pressured to do absolutely anything, I feel like I should say that.” Hinata started, and he could feel the blood rushing to his face. “But if you – if you _want_ to, and I want to be clear that I’m not going to push the matter again – if you ever _want_ to do, you know, _more,_ then I’m very, uh… _Willing_. Whenever that may be. _If_ ever. I just love you. I just want you to feel safe and happy. And there’s no expiration date on that.”

“Hajime, are you the Ultimate Saint?” Komaeda continued to talk against his shirt, but Hinata could understand his muffled voice with ease.

“I don’t think I’ve done anything saintly within the past twenty-four hours.”

“You’re patient.” Komaeda muffled. “You’re so nice. I really love you.” Hinata held him, relishing the feeling of Komaeda nuzzling further into his shoulder, stroking his cottony hair.

“I love you too. It’s kind of unbearable.” He muttered, smiling sheepishly to himself. “I don’t know how I manage to keep it together around everyone. I guess a sense of dignity? I can’t just crawl into your lap and start _cooing_ at you, if anyone else did that I’d feel such secondhand embarrassment that I’d wither up inside. But at the same time, I just want to look at you. Constantly. It’s _terrible!_ ” And he laughed, hearing Komaeda chuckle against his neck, which gave him goosebumps. “Were you really worried about me?”

“I’m always a little worried about you.” And Komaeda finally lifted his head, touching their foreheads together. “Nanami-san told me that Mioda-san might’ve raised hell when she went to bring you here. I didn’t go myself because I didn’t want to make a scene for you, but next week I’ll go. I don’t want anyone to make you feel…” And he hesitated, Hinata being close enough to see every small movement in his features, the way his eyebrows furrowed slightly.

“Like I seduced you to make connections with the Talent Course?” And Komaeda’s eyes widened into a look of near horror.

“That’s – that’s _really_ specific, Hajime!”

“Yeah, the gossip’s gotten more creative. I mean it’s bullshit, but you know.”

“ _No_ , I don’t! I thought maybe you’d get some raised eyebrows, not that you’d have your character insulted! I should have been more careful – I – I’m _so_ sorr –” But Hinata kissed him, gently this time, his thumb lovingly caressing below Komaeda’s eye. He pulled away slowly.

“If I weren’t proud to have you as my boyfriend then I’d have stopped you. But it is what it is, you know? People will talk. No one even seemed to care about it being a _gay_ thing, so it’s really not that bad. I don’t want you blaming yourself. I mean it – the _minute_ your brain starts cranking out theories, I want you to hear me shooting them down. I love you. Like I said earlier, I mean it is _bad -”_

Komaeda’s mouth twitched into a shy smile, he breathed a laugh.

“- like I have been _pining._ As soon as I got into the classroom, I started looking for you, purely instinctively, and Nanami-san – _our Nanami_ – coined it _so fast_ that she just said I looked ‘disappointed.’”

Komaeda began to crack up, grinning. “Please be kind to yourself, Nagito. I love you and none if this is your fault. I don’t want to see you sad, okay?”

“Okay. I love you too.”

“I know.” He kissed him again, feather soft, his heart swelling. “Let’s go find that cable quick before Kazuichi gets separation anxiety.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I explicitly wrote Ibuki's entering dialogue with reference to the Kool-Aid Man, so if you got that sense - you were completely correct! We're gonna get to interact with more of the Talent Course. They're all eccentric weirdos, but their hearts are in the right place.
> 
> Thank you as always to every comment, kudos and gesture of support!! I am so so thankful, and it truly brightens my day! I hope you enjoyed! <3 <3


	9. There's No Love on the Battlefield

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata is forced to be vulnerable with his best friend. Komaeda flirts in unorthodox ways.  
> A group of friends play a game together.

Komaeda kept a firm clasp on his hand as they walked, and Hinata felt himself brimming with pride at the spring in his step, the confidence in his face, how clear and alert his eyes looked. They got to the library pretty quickly, and Hinata had barely started looking when he heard Komaeda call out. 

“Found it. It was kicked under one of the bookshelves.” Hinata stared, impressed. “I really wanted to find it, so I guess I got lucky.” And he shrugged playfully, and Hinata realized that he was _showing off_. He was showing off to _impress him._

He felt his expression melt into a one of deep, and probably embarrassing, affection. He leaned against a bookshelf, admiring him, and noticed the blush that rose high in Komaeda’s cheeks.

Then it dawned on him - this was Komaeda’s way of _flirting_. He wasn’t the sort who could probably tell Hinata that he found him attractive at this point (at least, not verbally, but his body did a pretty good job of conveying it), or someone who even felt confident enough in his appearance to act seductive – but his talent, something he’d honed with Hinata over the past few months, something he could do _without fail_ , he could show off that.

_Didn’t he say something about taking me against a bookshelf?_

Aaand his brain lost the privilege of wandering without permission.

They went back, saying that it had taken a while to find the cable as it had been concealed under a bookshelf.

“Damn, I thought you’d have an easier time.” Kazuichi said with sympathy. “Thanks for finding it!”

“My luck isn’t always consistent.” Komaeda lied, pretending to be embarrassed. “Sorry it took so long!”

No one else seemed to notice, all caught up in their own conversations, occasionally helping themselves to more of Hanamura’s exceptional cooking. Hinata fidgeted for a moment, his eyes flitting from Komaeda to Kazuichi. He saw Komaeda give a small nod, and he nodded back.

“Hey man.” Kazuichi looked up from setting up the console with the television. “Got a minute?”

“Y-yeah!” And his face lit up like a kid on Christmas. “Of course!”

“Talk in the hallway?”

Kazuichi cheerfully stepped outside, and Hinata closed the classroom door after them.  
  


“Alright, I wanted to follow up on yesterday.” Kazuichi looked so excited that Hinata felt a pang of guilt.

“We’re having a bro talk, right? You gonna spill the beans?”

“Yep. Yeah, gonna – gonna do _just_ that.” He shoved his hands in his pockets to stop them from fidgeting. “It isn’t Koizumi.” He began shortly, his eyes wandering. “I know that was your guess.”

“Tsumiki, then? Oh man – _Nanami?”_

“Nope. Neither of them.” He kept trying to say it, but his hands were really sweaty. Why were they so sweaty? “It’s – I’ve – I’m dating _him now_ …” And his voice dropped, and he mumbled the last few words.

“You’re _dating?_ Who? Come on, man, I’m not gonna bad mad that I’m single and you’re not.” Hinata squeezed his eyes shut, pinching the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger.  
  
“Nagito.” He finally forced out, eyes still closed so as to not see Kazuichi’s face. He didn’t want to see the look of a straight man finding out his friend ‘played for the other team’ as he’d imagine he’d say. Kazuichi was silent.  
“ _Our_ Nagito. Who’s in that classroom.” And he jabbed his thumb at the doorway. “I was worried that – about a lot of things. I mean this is new territory for me.”  
  
He opened his eyes finally, to see Kazuichi looking… Thoughtful? It was a weird look on him.

“So, this means he’s not your best friend, right?”

“I – I guess? I mean he’s more than that, so –”

And Kazuichi pumped his fist in the air.

“And I’m the first one you’ve told?” And his face and voice were so eager that Hinata just nodded. “I _knew_ it! Soul friends!” He was stomping the ground with excitement.

“Wait is – is that all you have to say on it?” Hinata heard his voice crack and he immediately cleared his throat. “You aren’t like… Mad?”

“What?” Kazuichi gave him a look like he’d just said something absolutely insane. “Why would I be mad? I’d be a little mad if it were Sonia, probably, sure, but Komaeda? No offence, but he’s… A little nuts? Plus he never even uses my given name.”

“Because he’s a guy? And I am _also_ a guy? And I’m a Reserve Course student?”

“So? The Reserve Course thing is stupid, anyway. And I don’t really care who you wanna bang! You’re my friend and all that crap, you know? I was kinda mad that you wouldn’t talk to me. I know I’m kinda weird in my own way, I think everyone in our class is. Well, not Sonia!” And his eyes sparkled with admiration as he said it.

“I thought Komaeda was the guy you wanted as your _best bro_ , and I was like – _that guy?_ That’s not the sorta guy you talk about girls with over a beer!” Kazuichi backtracked. “Wait, we can still talk about girls, right?”

“I – yeah? I mean just because I’m dating Nagito doesn’t mean I can’t talk to you about girls you like.”

“It’s not awkward for you?”

  
Hinata felt he was being thrown curveball after curveball. Kazuichi wasn’t reacting in any way he’d expected.

  
“No, it’s not like I don’t think girls are pretty or - or nice or anything. I - I haven’t really changed aside of the fact that I’m –” the words left his mouth before he could stop them, “– in love. But I think I’ve _been_ that for a while anyway, so, yeah.”

Kazuichi looked at him, not with confusion or even discomfort, but what could only be described as a sort of manic elation.

“You’re... You're telling me all this – was I right? Are we –?”

“Yeah, Kazu. We’re soul friends.” Hinata conceded. Kazuichi did a wild little dance.

“ _Kazu!_ ” He repeated back joyfully. “That’s right Haji, that’s _me!"_ His excitement was somewhat infectious, and Hinata laughed. “Oh wait – right, I’m supposed to say something. Er, as your best bro, I love and support you and uh… All that touchy-feely stuff.” He nodded, rubbing his nose.

“Thanks.” Hinata muttered, embarrassed. “Nagito told Nanami, so, you’re my, you know, confidant.”

  
Kazuichi looked happy enough to blow a gasket.

  
“I don’t really know how open I want to be just yet. I never really expected to be in a situation where I’d have like, a huge number of friends. I’m not even that _worried_ – I’m just… Not the sort of guy who likes to be the center of attention. Sometimes I’m worried I’m like – like a _pet_. You guys are all Ultimates, and I’m just some guy that you basically adopted.”

“A pet? Dude, that’s kind of shitty.” Hinata blinked. “It isn’t like we think you’re some cute little token kid. You’re just a nice guy. Like, yeah, we’re ‘Ultimate’ students, but we’re not celebrities.”  
  


His tone was uncharacteristically serious.

  
“You say you don’t like being in the center of attention, right? But like, when you have a talent, you don’t _get_ the choice to be left alone anymore. Some people embrace it, and some of us just have to deal. But you just treat us normally. You don’t act like we’re superior, you aren’t even afraid to tease us. We’re all just people in the end, dude.”

“I – you’re right. Sorry.”

“Plus, you actually took the time to get to know us, you know? If people here wanna be your friend, it’s because you earned their trust. Don’t fall into the same crap that some of the Reserve Students have. We’re not better than you. We just have things we’re good at. If you had a passion that you happened to be good at, you’d probably be in the same place as us. And if your passion doesn’t match up with your recognized talent, then you’re forced to make a choice between recognition or just being in the Reserve Course, hoping that your passion will get noticed instead. That’s why it’s kind of a crappy system.”  
  


Kazuichi looked off to the side, sighing for a moment. But in the next, he was pulling his face back into his typical grin.

  
“So let’s just go and play some games, alright? And make googly eyes at your boyfriend, or something. Just do whatever you want.”

“I don’t make _‘googly eyes’_ -!”

  
Kazuichi laughed while swinging the door open, to find Komaeda who appeared to have been about to open it himself.

  
“Oh, sorry. I was about to use the bathroom –”

“ _Not bad_ , Komaeda! I mean it’s not ‘soul friend’ status, but not bad!” Kazuichi patted his shoulders. “Better luck next time, buddy!” And he went to finish setting up the television, leaving Komaeda looking vaguely disoriented.

“What was he…?” Komaeda started, and Hinata sighed.

“I told him everything, he just seems to be focused on the friend thing. All things considered, he took it really well.”

“Huh.” He replied simply. “Well… Good? I’ll be right back.”

  
And he went off to use to restroom. Hinata sat down at one of the desks in a slight daze. If everyone reacted in the way Kazuichi did, then he’d be pretty happy. He didn’t want anyone to make a big deal out of it. He could foresee maybe Saionji making some comments, Hanamura saying something questionable, or Ibuki doing something in a state of over-excitement, but… The others, eccentric as they were, would probably react in a similar fashion to Kazuichi. And there was a sense of relief, in that.

The television was finally set up, and when Komaeda returned they split into groups of four to compete in a fighting game. Chiaki beat Tsumiki, Pekoyama, and Hanamura. Komaeda beat Fuyuhiko, Kazuichi, and Sonia. Hinata just barely knocked out Owari after she had taken out Nidai and Tanaka. Ibuki, Mitarai, Saionji, and Koizumi played together and Ibuki won – but she accidentally jumped off of the stadium in celebration, causing her to be disqualified.

Hinata was struggling to keep up with Komaeda and Chiaki, who were duking it out with such intensity that he actually heard Komaeda muttering “Come on, come on, _come on_.” Under his breath. Hinata used his long-range weapon to hit Komaeda’s character, who sputtered.

“ _Hajime!_ ”

“There’s no love on the battlefield!” Hinata said with a laugh. “You can either use your luck here or pick a God and _pray_.”

It was a free for all. Each of them were mashing their controllers with such intensity that the others started rooting for one of them.

“C’mon Haji – show that lucky bastard who’s boss!” He heard Kazuichi shout.

“You can do it Nanami-san!” Sonia cheered.

“Yeah, go Nanami!” Kazuichi suddenly changed tack, and Hinata burst out laughing as Komaeda’s character unleashed an ultimate attack.

  
Hinata chewed his lip – he hadn’t focused on winning a game in a while, keeping his shield up to recover some health while he still could. Chiaki’s character jumped behind him, but she was too close to the edge, and he attacked so that her character flew backwards. She fell off the ledge. He roared in victory, and Komaeda killed his character instantly.

  
“What?! _No!_ "  
  


Komaeda was slapping his leg in laughter.

“I -” He choked out, wheezing. “I didn’t even use my _luck_ Hajime, you were _so_ focused on Nanami-san that you l-left yourself w-wide _open_ -!” And Hinata shoved him as he doubled over into coughing giggles, grinning.

“ _Ass_ hole!” Hinata roared with laughter, shoving his boyfriend playfully as Nanami fell into a giggle fit.

“Komaeda-kun avenged me, Hajime. There’s no love on the battlefield!”  
  


More groups played more rounds, and it was only when Hinata was catching his breath from laughing that he checked his watch to see that it was around ten at night. He texted his parents that he was staying with friends since he’d finished his exams, taking a snapshot of the classroom to send.

  
After another hour, the food was all eaten, and everyone was joking about who beat who as they cleaned up after themselves. They parted ways outside of the school, and Hinata found himself walking back to Komaeda’s apartment without even really thinking about it.

“...‘There’s no love on the battlefield,’ _honestly_. ” Komaeda mused with a laugh, looking entertained. “You can’t even be upset that Soda-kun automatically forfeited against Sonia-san, it’s just too within his character. ‘I refuse to lay a finger on the princess! I’m playing by Mario rules!’ He’s ridiculous.” Komaeda chuckled, shaking his head. “Hajime?”

“Sorry, I just realized I didn’t even ask to stay with you, I just started walking.”

“You don’t have to ask that.” Komaeda replied airily. “It’s not like I’d ever say ‘no’. I was going to ask, anyway.”

“I just don’t want to be rude. Also, I’ve been wearing the same clothes for two days.”

  
Komaeda waved his free hand, the other one intertwined with Hinata’s.

  
“I have a solution for that already. Don’t worry so much.”

“It’s very funny to hear that coming from you.” He said as Komaeda opened the door to his building and called the elevator. “What solution?”

  
Komaeda let him enter the apartment first, and he locked up behind them. Hinata took a deep breath, savoring the fragrance of the room.

  
“I have some clothes I don’t really wear anymore. I threw them in the dryer this morning so, if I’m lucky, which I always am, they should be just right!” And he looked proud of himself as he said it. Hinata leaned in and pressed his lips against his throat, and Komaeda let out a vulnerable squeak before covering his mouth.

“Was -?” Hinata started, smiling, but Komaeda cleared his throat.

“I didn’t hear anything.” He said quickly, but the flush on his face told a different story. “You can throw your uniform in the wash, let me – let me go wash up. The washer and dryer is in the guest bathroom in the hall.”

  
And he shuffled into his bedroom, his neck completely red as he walked away.

There was something very intimate about undressing in the washroom with the door cracked open a sliver. There were a couple of articles of clothing in the dryer, one of which was just a regular black t-shirt, which he set aside. There were a few pairs of underwear too, he noticed with a dull flush, and laid one of them on top of the t-shirt.

His own underwear, which he had washed by hand in the morning, was in the laundry hamper, and he threw them in along with his uniform. He folded the rest of the clothes Komaeda had left for him, smoothing out any creases so that he could wear them the next day without appearing like a slob. He poured detergent into the washing machine, set it to start, and rested the folded clothes on one of the end side tables in Komaeda’s bedroom. He could hear water running, and the sound of Komaeda humming – probably showering.

There were a few spare toothbrushes and wrapped soaps in the guest bathroom, and Hinata used them gratefully, scrubbing himself down while he brushed his teeth. He pulled on the gifted t-shirt and boxers after toweling himself off, walking into the sitting room to use the stick of deodorant he had in his schoolbag in case of emergencies.  
  
He was leafing through some of Komaeda’s books when his boyfriend emerged, a towel on his head, wearing a pair of boxer briefs that Hinata worked desperately not to focus on.

“You shower pretty fast, Hajime. What are you reading?”  
  
He flashed the cover of one of the romance books Komaeda had mentioned to him and saw him sputter.  
_  
“Why?”_

“You’re right, it’s pretty gripping. Do you think the fisherman sounds good looking?” And he read off a passage.

_“‘Against the shimmering cast of the evening glow, his chest heaved to pull her up from the rocking boat – and she wondered if the very earth beneath feet rocked in soothing tandem as, with immense love, he tenderly drew near –’”_

  
Komaeda lunged at the book in his hands, but Hinata ducked away. “I’m not making fun of you, it’s genuinely romantic! He’s written as such a nice guy, too! Should I borrow this? I’ve heard it has a really sad ending though –” He scanned the front and back of the book. “God, he doesn’t die, does he? That’d be miserable.”  
Komaeda looked deeply embarrassed, reaching for the novel, but Hinata kept it just out of arm’s reach, choosing to kiss Komaeda from his chest to his jawline while he flailed.

  
“Out of every book I have in here, why _that_ one?” He groaned, but Hinata felt him lean into him all the same.

“You seemed interested in it last night, so I figured I’d give it a look. Why are you embarrassed now? I’m not judging you, that would be stupid. She’s a well-known author for good reason.” Komaeda draped himself over him, mumbling something into his hair so quietly that Hinata didn’t catch it. “What was that? Nagito?”  
  


He mumbled it again, his voice ending in a miserable groan.

  
“If you don’t want to tell me, that’s okay, I don’t have to read it –”

“I might have… Imagined myself… In that book.” He grumbled, his voice still muffled against Hinata’s hair. He had stopped reaching to snatch it away, and Hinata thoughtfully flipped through it.

“As the fisherman? Or as the protagonist?”

  
Komaeda answered with another prolonged groan.

  
“The protagonist. Gotcha. Is that so bad? I’ve done that before, it’s not exactly something to be ashamed of.” Komaeda mumbled something else. “I didn’t hear that, but should I assume I was the fisherman?”

  
The groan this time was pained, and he could see the flush rising from his boyfriend’s neck.

  
“You must think I’m far more handsome than I am. Then again, the fisherman isn’t actually described in much detail, it’s sort of up to the reader to think about how their ideal looks. That’s really smart writing now that I think about it! I mean, I was imagining someone who looked more like you.”

  
He said it without any embarrassment because it was more of a fact than anything. Komaeda had stopped groaning.

  
“…Really?”

“Yeah. That isn’t really too weird when you’re in love, from the little I know. Not that I know anything besides what I read on the internet.”

“…You’re really in love with _me?_ "

“Of course I am.” And again, he said it factually, like he was presenting evidence for a case. “I love you. I’ve said it so many times today that I’m surprised you’re not a little weirded out. I’m not going to get tired of saying it, either, just to cut off your anxiety before it starts.”  
  


Komaeda was quiet for a while and Hinata put down the book to hold him, pressing his lips on the side of his neck while he breathed him in. He ran his fingers through his still-wet hair, his other hand lightly scratching his partner’s back. He felt Komaeda relax into him, hugging him like he had the night before. Hinata relished the intimacy, basked in how warm and soothed he felt.

  
“Why?”

  
Hinata had closed his eyes, almost purring from contentment, and he barely registered the question, responding with a soft, “Hmm?”

  
“Why do you love me so much?”

“I don’t know.” Hinata responded with blunt honesty, and he felt Komaeda sag with disappointment. He changed tack. “Let me rephrase that – I don’t _exactly_ know. You have a lot of qualities that make me feel happy. I like your voice, and your laugh, and it feels safe when I’m near you. At first, I just considered you a really good friend, but at some point, I think…”

And he thought for a moment.

“You were testing me before one of my exams, around a month and a half ago. You asked me a question about some stupid formula, and I was floundering, flipping through my notes, and altogether flipping out. And you put your hand on my head and told me that we’d get through it. _We’d_ get through it. Like we were a team.”

He reminisced fondly, his fingers lightly tracing shapes on Komaeda’s back.

“And I suddenly realized I thought you were the most beautiful person I’d ever looked at. I wanted to slide everything off the table and kiss you. My brain was on _fire_ from it. So I told you that I had a stomachache and had to go home.” He finished his story with a laugh, flipping through the book once more before putting it down.

Komaeda pulled away from him, looking extremely conflicted.

“Sorry if that’s a weird answer –”

“That’s not it.” He interrupted, his voice hoarse. “I’m –” But his voice shook so bad that he stopped. Hinata looked at him with concern. “I’m _really_ trying to hold myself together here, Hajime.”

“Are you anxious? I’m sorry – I didn’t mean to overwhelm you!” He felt his face get hot with shame. “I just didn’t want you to have any doubts that I – what -?” But Komaeda was shaking his head, his mouth pressed together in a thin line.  
  
“Nagito, you have to talk to me, I can’t read your mind.”

But when Komaeda pulled him flush against him, and he felt Komaeda’s stiff member digging hard into his hip –  
  


_“Oh.”  
  
  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy crap, I just realized we're over halfway through! Things are going to be pretty spicy next chapter, and will be picking up more, plot-wise in the coming chapters.   
> I'll do my best to upload in a timely manner. The Depressions are strong in this one (that's me, I'm 'this one').  
> As always, every comment I receive motivates me more, and they truly fill me with love and joy. I read and reply to every single one! 
> 
> Please be kind to each other, and to yourselves. Have a lovely day, I hope to see you later!


	10. Trial by Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get a little heated. It's important for couples to communicate their wants and needs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is pretty spicy as a heads up (pun intended), I hope you enjoy!

_  
“Oh.”_

“I don’t –” Komaeda's voice was shaking so badly that he took a deep breath to steady it. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to mess up. I’m – I’m really –"

But Hinata took his hand and gently motioned for him to sit on the bed. He sat beside him, stroking his hand, not looking directly at him so that he wouldn’t make him more self-conscious.  
  
“Would you prefer me to sleep in the guest room?” He offered kindly.

“No! No, I really want you to be next to me. But I _never_ thought I would get _any_ of this, so my body is – it’s just acting on its own.”

“Do you want me to help?” And his heart began to pound in his ears as he said it. He heard Komaeda’s breath hitch, still not looking at him.

“Wh… What would that entail?”

“Whatever you want.” His hand squeezed Komaeda’s still looking away but trying to wear a loving smile. He tried to ignore his own body’s response when he felt the squeeze returned.

“What… What do _you_ want, Hajime?” Komaeda’s voice was husky, and Hinata cursed mentally because that question went _straight_ to his dick.

“I don’t want that to factor in, here. I don’t want my feelings to color whatever you want to do, because you’re selfless like that. You don’t think your own comfort matters. But your comfort does matter, especially in – in this situation.”

“I don’t think I’m very selfless.”

“Because you don’t give yourself enough credit.” He replied, frankly. His blood was rushing through his body. Komaeda’s hand was trembling. “So I –”

“So, if I said I wanted to do whatever you felt like doing...” And he heard Komaeda’s voice, hoarse and almost desperate. “...What would that look like?”

  
Hinata’s mind automatically conjured up the image of Komaeda on top of him, buried deep against his prostate, his eyes squeezed shut in ecstasy as Hinata’s mouth sucked gorgeous bruises onto his neck, his long, pale fingers working his cock frenetically as he pounded harder and harder into him, making Hinata moan filthily with pleasure as he saw stars –  
  
“I want to go down on you."  
  
He blurted it out without meaning to, terror burning his stomach – he hadn’t meant – shit. _Shit_. In an attempt to not just openly admit that he wanted Komaeda to fuck him until he couldn’t speak, he had defaulted to the other fantasy in his mind. He couldn’t even look at his boyfriend, he was absolutely mortified.

“You… What?” Komaeda’s voice was low, breathy, and tremulous. The sound of it made Hinata’s groin ache.

“ _Please_ don’t make me say it again.” He buried his face in his hands, palms sweating from embarrassment. “I’m sorry, I’m – I’m not exactly any better at keeping it together.” He groaned through his fingers. “It’s not as if I don’t fantasize about you regularly, but the idea of scaring you off is – I don’t want that. I couldn’t _stand_ it –”

“Hajime.” His name was breathed against the shell of his ear, Komaeda kissing him right below, nibbling his earlobe. He felt a current travel down his spine torturously.

“Nagito if you do things like that, I am going _to lose it_. I can’t – I’m on _fire_ right now – I don’t want to lose my cool, okay?”

“I want you to.”  
  
He looked up, his boyfriend’s face inches from his own, eyes bright and focused, like they had looked in the morning, releasing Hinata’s hand to brush a loose hair from his forehead. He felt his lungs squeeze, his own breathing shaking in his chest, leaning forward to close the distance.

The kiss started delicately, chaste, but Komaeda wrapped his hands around Hinata’s head, tipping it up, urging his mouth open, leaning backwards so that Hinata had no choice but to fall forward onto him.

His arms were shaking, one using his elbow to prop himself up, the other hesitating in the air an inch away from Komaeda’s chest. Hinata broke the kiss, heaving, a thin thread of saliva lingering between his mouth and Komaeda’s.  
  
“Tell me to stop.” And he said it almost begging, his voice cracking with desire, his face and body so hot that he felt tears pricking in the corners of his eyes. “Nagito, _tell me to_ –”

“Please don’t stop.” Komaeda husked, grinding his hips, his hot, hard dick pressing needily against his own – and Hinata lost control. He kissed him with ferocity, his heart pounding in his ears, needing more of him – _needing_ to taste him, to _hear_ him, sliding his hand into those messy curls and pulling until he heard Komaeda moan in such a way that he felt it in his chest.

He pulled his mouth back, kissing down, past his lover’s jaw, onto his neck, sucking a dark bruise right under his ear while his hand slid beneath Komaeda’s boxers, rubbing the pad of his thumb on the slit, using the precum to moisten his hand so he could stroke him faster.

Komaeda writhed under him, and Hinata lusted after the sweet feeling of fingernails slipping under his shirt and biting into the flesh of his back. He left mark after mark on Komaeda, Hinata swirling his tongue over one of Komaeda’s erect nipples, sucking and nibbling the bud until it was beautifully flushed red, his hand pumping desperately –  
  
“ _Hahh_ – Ha- _Hajime –p-please_ \- fuh… _Hah!_ F-faster! _Faster!”_ Komaeda was a _mess_ , his hips bucking upwards, his voice rough and ragged from panting.

When Hinata released him, Komaeda’s cry of desperation was almost a sob, and it both tugged at his heart and turned him on further. He sat up, still straddling his boyfriend, pulling off his shirt and casting it aside. He slid off of Komaeda just to slide his thumbs under the hem of his boxer briefs.

“Tell me to stop,” Hinata breathed, his erection almost painful. “Any moment – at _any moment_ , I mean it -” And Komaeda looked at him with a mixture of love and desperation.

“Please keep going. _Please_. ”

He couldn’t think straight. He pulled the hem down, exposing Komaeda’s member, swollen, flushed and slick with precum, and Hinata yanked his own underwear off in a hurry, lowering himself over Komaeda’s cock, which twitched when he started stroking him again, slowly. Hinata used his free hand to cup and massage his balls, licking the length of his shaft before taking the head into his mouth and _sucking_.

Hinata, in the back of his mind, thought of slowing down – but he _couldn’t_ , not while Komaeda was whimpering and pleading and he wanted to taste him _so badly_ , bobbing his head faster, his tongue lapping hungrily at the taste of Komaeda’s arousal leaking from the slit. He relaxed his jaw and throat, regulating his breathing, lowering himself until his nose was buried in Komaeda’s short, white curls that thinned and tapered when his eyes followed them up his boyfriend’s abdomen.

He swallowed around Komaeda’s dick, who at this point was incoherently swearing and letting out moans that would crescendo into ragged yells of pleasure.

Hinata guided Komaeda’s hand to the back of his head, wanting him to use him, wanting to be the only thing he could _think_ about, and when he felt those trembling fingers knot themselves in his choppy brown hair, he let out a guttural moan that vibrated in his mouth and made his boyfriend shout, feeling Komaeda slowly drag his head up while he sucked in his cheeks to make a vacuum, before forcing him back down.

His throat ached, his jaw was sore, yet Hinata felt sheer _ecstasy_.  
  
He looked into Komaeda’s eyes, who was gazing back with such adoration that it almost felt like worship. He felt shameless, sloppy – eager and hungry for more, more of Komaeda’s moans, whimpers, and borderline sobs of lust, more of his taste, lavishing the cock in his mouth with groans of appreciation, his tongue lapping at every sensitive spot he could _reach_ , and when he heard Komaeda’s breath get faster, more ragged, he squeezed his balls, taking his dick entirely into his mouth and throat, sucking so hard he felt tears leak down his cheeks, _needing_ Komaeda to cum for _him_ –

“Sh- _shit_ , Haji – Ha _jime_ \- I’m – fuck, _fuck_ , I’m g-gon _na_ –” He rasped out, and Hinata placed his free hand firmly over Komaeda’s, resisting when he tried to pull him off, instead taking him in completely so that when Komaeda screamed, his spine arching in orgasm, every muscle in his body tensely spasming, and Hinata savored the bitter, salty taste that flooded his mouth as the throbbing cock in his mouth released.  
  
Hinata moaned, swallowed, and relished licking and sucking him clean to the last drop. He wiped his mouth with his wrist, looking over his boyfriend.

Komaeda had gone completely limp and Hinata suddenly felt a jolt of anxiety. He’d essentially gone feral, losing himself in a fantasy, desperate to feel Komaeda _need_ him without – without…

But Komaeda’s expression was one of pure, unadulterated _bliss_. His heartbeat steadied.

“Are you -?” But Hinata stopped, his voice was a _croak_. It almost hurt to talk.

“Hajime your _voice_. ” Komaeda’s also had a cracking rasp to it, strained from screaming probably, but Hinata sounded like he had laryngitis. “You – you didn’t need to go so far – are you okay?”  
  
He swallowed a few times, finding that yes, it was a little painful, but after a minute he felt his voice would, hopefully, sound a little less horrible.

“It’s my own fault.” He chuckled (why did it have to sound so _rough?!_ ) lying down next to him. “I’ve wanted to do that for a _long_ time, but I didn’t consider the uh – potential consequences.” He muttered, rubbing his throat. “But I’d do it again. Without question.” And he pressed his hand over his eyes, trying to commit it to memory. “Holy _shit_ you are so fucking hot.”

He heard Komaeda mumble a dismissal, flustered.

“ _Oh_ no.” Hinata croaked, ignoring his throat while he pointed almost accusatorily. Komaeda’s face was still wet with sweat, tears and saliva, flushed seductively, his hair gorgeously messed up. “No, _no_ , _not this time_. You’re going to _agree_ with me.” Komaeda started laughing against himself. “I know I lack a certain gravitas right now,” and he pointed at his throat. “But don’t you _dare_ try to disagree.” And he flopped onto Komaeda’s chest, grumbling.

“I didn’t! I didn’t say anything!” Komaeda said defensively, laughing, and caressing Hinata’s hair. There was a beat. “You didn’t –”

“It’s fine, I don’t mind taking care of that.” Hinata interrupted, hating that his voice sounded like he’d put himself through something. He griped at his own body that, if it decided to have a sore throat, it could at least sound ruggedly attractive or something.

“Can I do it?” Hinata felt a rush of blood aching throb his neglected dick. He could feel Komaeda’s heartbeat against his cheek.

“If you want –” His voice cracked horribly and he tried to clear his throat, but it really hurt, and Hinata noticeably winced. Komaeda massaged his throat for him, mossy green eyes brimming with such intense adoration, and Hinata desperately needed to hear him say –

“I _really_ want to.”

Komaeda’s expression was one of tired bliss, but his eyes still held that look of reverence, of _devotion_ , and he lovingly pushed and laid Hinata down beside him. He slid one of his arms behind Hinata’s neck, the crook of his elbow supporting his head, one of his legs crossed over Hinata’s, his free hand caressing his face and he kissed him deeply, languidly, like there was all the time in the world.

He pulled away, licking his palm, and despite the fact that Hinata _knew_ what was about to happen, when Komaeda started stroking him Hinata’s body acted like he’d never had a sexual experience in his _life._

  
“Try not to scream, okay?”

  
He knew that Komaeda was talking out of concern for his throat, but those words set his body into a sort of frenzy.

  
Komaeda’s pace quickened, his eyes drinking him in, and Hinata held onto him desperately, as though he needed him to stay alive. At a certain point, Hinata’s throat stopped mattering, and he was begging, pleading for him to go faster, saying how much he loved him, that he _needed_ him, his name a mantra as he panted and moaned raggedly, for him not to stop, _never_ to stop, _please._

He felt himself getting closer, his eyes now locked with his boyfriend’s, who seemed to need his release almost as much as he did, his blood boiling, his body being supported and held by Komaeda just enough that no matter how much he writhed frantically, no matter how much his hips jerked and rolled, his grip never once faltered.  
  
He was a _wreck,_ losing himself in Komaeda’s moans of arousal, in hearing Komaeda husk how _good_ he was, how _perfectly_ his dick felt in his hand, how everything about him drove him insane, how he wished he could take him, right in the library, right against the table where he realized how much he _loved_ him –

“Nuh- _Nagito_ please, _please fuck me.”_ Hinata whined, and he saw Komaeda’s pupils dilate. “Please, I _n-need_ to be s-selfish here, _please_. ”

“You’re not selfish.” He breathed, his voice hoarse, and Hinata felt elation beyond measure when he felt Komaeda grind his erection against his searching hand. “I – okay.” He kissed him. “Okay… Okay.”  
  
Hinata laughed breathily as Komaeda rustled through the drawer by his bed, seeing the mixture of desperation and nerves in his expression. His hands were shaking as he uncapped a bottle of lubricant, slathering himself (Hinata made a mental note of how good that looked) and then moving between Hinata’s legs, who groaned in his cracking voice as Komaeda slicked his entrance.  
  
“Is… Is this a good time to mention I have _no_ idea what I’m doing?” And Hinata burst into laughter, his throat aching.

“Trial by fire!” He laughed, doing a playful wave with his hands, but inhaled sharply when he felt a digit slide slowly into him. “That’s – _yes_ – keep doing that.” He breathed, his heart pounding eagerly.  
  
It wasn’t that the sensation was wholly pleasant in the beginning, being stretched and relaxed by one finger, then two, but the _anticipation_ , the way Komaeda was looking at him, made any anxiety turn into excitement. He’d get his fantasy – he’d get to feel –  
His thought were cut off as Komaeda, now with three fingers twisting and scissoring inside of him, touched that blessed spot that made him arch his back.  
  
“Should I -?” Komaeda asked gently, and Hinata could see his dick hard again, precum dribbling from the slit, and he groaned.

“Yes, _fuck yes_ , please.”

  
Komaeda added a generous amount of lube, which felt cold leaking in the opening between Komaeda’s fingers, and he felt his heart skip as he felt, so _slowly_ , his boyfriend push himself into him. It ached, burned, but he gritted his teeth, breathed, and after gentle, gradual, torturous pushing, he felt blissfully _full_.

  
“Hold – hold on a minute,” Hinata gasped, and Komaeda nodded, his eyes squeezed shut. “Are – ah!” A squeak escaped him as he felt Komaeda throb inside him, and he paused. “Are – are you okay?”

“You feel _really good_.” He answered, barely above a whisper. He opened his eyes, smiling weakly, and Hinata felt himself relax. There was a moment where they just looked at each other, both breathing deeply, and Hinata finally broke the silence.

“Okay – you can move.”  
  
Komaeda immediately obeyed, angling himself and lifting Hinata’s hips before dragging himself out and sliding back in. He readjusted himself a few times, until Hinata felt him hit the exact spot he needed, letting out a whine of satisfaction. “ _There_ – there _please_ –”

He repeated the motion, this time snapping his hips forward so hard that Hinata screamed, and he lunged forward, digging his nails into his lover's back.

“There, there, there, _there, please fuck me, fuck me, fuck -!_ ”

And Komaeda’s pace became _merciless_ , hitting his prostate dead on with each pounding thrust, and Hinata was inconsolable, taking his dignity out back and _shooting it_ , begging, sobbing, whimpering, his heels skidding against the sheets, his nails digging into Komaeda’s back ruthlessly, feeling him shudder as they raked down.

His erection ached deeply, begging for release, but he needed _more_ , he wanted to stop thinking, he wanted to feel nothing except the shockwaves of pleasure coursing through his veins with every slam inside of him, the sound of skin slapping on skin, Komaeda’s desperate panting, his own strangled cries…

But when Komaeda grabbed his hair – pulling his head back to suck feverishly against his neck – Hinata heard him _growl_ , “ _Mine_. ” Right against his ear and pumped his aching cock until he completely lost his mind.

He finished harder than he’d ever felt in his _life_ , ropes of cum erupting from his dick as his body seized and shook with _such relief_ that a choked sob broke from his sore throat. He felt Komaeda thrust into him two more times, before he heard him gasp out his name.

And then he felt him release, deliciously warm, still buried inside him.

They collapsed, their limbs tangled, hair sticking in every direction, slick with sweat and ejaculate, tears of pleasure tracing Hinata's cheeks, heaving air in the now very hot room. Hinata felt a twinge of satisfaction at how fogged up the window was.  
Komaeda shakily pulled himself up, sweat glistening on his brow, slowly pulling out of Hinata and making him shiver from sensitivity. He was still heaving air into his lungs, as though he had just run a mile, but managed to let out a breathy laugh.  
  
“This is a good look for you, Hajime.”

  
Hinata laughed weakly, his limbs feeling like gelatin, and he watched Komaeda go to the bathroom, returning with a small, wet towel. He was exceedingly gentle, wiping him down with the warm towel until he was clean, then doing himself. He tossed it onto the floor and curled up close, pulling the blanket over them. Hinata nuzzled happily into Komaeda’s neck, peppering kisses over his jaw.

  
They didn’t speak for a while, winding down, and then –

  
“I’m sorry.”

  
Hinata frowned, looking up.

  
“What? Why?” He was relieved when he heard his voice returning to normal.

“I’m pathetic. I didn’t want to come off as _easy_ , but… You had more restraint than me. You would’ve been able to wait, but I just gave up.”

“Is that a bad thing?” Komaeda blinked at Hinata’s tone, which was challenging. “Let me ask you – have you ever been intimate with anybody? In any fashion?”

“I – no.”

“Had you even been properly hugged until yesterday?”

“…No?”

“I thought so. So, you’re giving yourself a hard time because you wanted intimacy from someone who loves and respects you after being emotionally and physically lonely for the past eighteen or so years?”

  
Komaeda opened his mouth, and then closed it. Hinata continued, his tone kind but honest.

  
“I’m not exactly in the same boat as you, Nagito. I might not have had sex before, but I’ve been hugged, I had my first kiss, I had friends. I fell in love with you prepared to be careful because I didn’t want to scare you away. I wasn’t going to initiate sex because I wanted it to be something you, with certainty, wanted.”

“I – wait, I _did_ want it – I _do_ – I don’t want you to think I didn’t.”

“I… Got demanding, near the end. I shouldn’t have –”

“I know how to say ‘no’ Hajime, please don’t patronize me.”

  
He flushed, noticing the edge to Komaeda voice.

  
“R-right.” And he continued, keeping his voice firm. “My point is, I’m not going to think less of you because we had sex early. Did you enjoy it?”

“I… Really don’t think I need to say that out loud.”

“Oh, well _now_ I’m worried it was terrible.” He joked wryly and heard Komaeda snort. “Personally, _I_ feel great. You’re here, I love you, and I’m not going anywhere. Well, unless you break my heart and dump me, but I’m hoping you won’t do that.”

  
Komaeda glared at him. Hinata couldn't help but find it very sweet.  
  


“Don’t say things like that.”

“Sorry.” He hummed lovingly, and he pulled Komaeda close to his chest, resting his head on his cottony hair. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” He got up just to flick the light switch, cuddled back against Hinata’s throat, pressing a kiss to his jaw, and they slowly fell into a peaceful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mama Mia Italliano thassa spicy meat-a-ball...
> 
> I am extremely excited about the coming chapters (again, pun intended) and sharing them with you all! You are all lovely and my heart is blessed by all of your kind comments.  
> I'll see you tomorrow! 'w' <3


	11. When the Devil Comes Knocking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Domesticity and tenderness are a wonderful thing to share. Komaeda learns something unsettling.
> 
> Time is the most valuable resource because of its scarcity.

“I don’t think I can walk.”

Komaeda could hear Hinata’s groans on the bed from the bathroom, where he was inspecting his body in the mirror. Hinata had done a terrible number on him, he counted roughly ten hickeys, four of which were clearly visible unless he wore a turtleneck. His back and shoulders would be clothed, thankfully, because it looked like he’d been attacked by an exceedingly ornery cat. But at least he could stand up.

“I’m sorry, Hajime. Hindsight is 20/20, I didn’t really think –”

“No, stop, I love you, it’s not your fault.” Komaeda sat beside him, stroking his back.

  
Hinata said “I love you” to him almost as easily as breathing. It was comforting, and maybe that was why he did it, because Komaeda’s thoughts would just as easily seize the opportunity to harangue him with the idea that Hinata had some ulterior motive, or was lying, or that anything that could go wrong, absolutely _would_.

  
“You took some painkillers, right?”

“Yeah, they should kick in soon.” And his eyes lingered over the marks all over Komaeda’s chest and neck. “Those aren’t going to be gone by Monday, are they.” It wasn’t a question.

“Unlikely, but then again I have a pretty high success rate of getting what I hope for.”

_You sound so cocky, do you really think –_

“God, I love you.” Hinata said fondly, silencing Komaeda’s train of thought. “Either way, it’s not that bad. I’ll probably be fine by later on. If it comes to it, you can always use concealer or something.”

“What about you? You have a visible one.”

“No one can bother me about it. If anyone asks, I’ll be honest.”

Komaeda felt his face get hot.

“What will you say?”

“That you gave it to me, what else?”

“Do you have no self-preservation?” Hinata shrugged.

“I don’t really need it. Nothing bad ever happens to me when I’m with you.”

He said it with complete bluntness, and this was possibly Komaeda’s favorite thing about Hinata. He never lied, so when he said something shameless, it was with the purest intentions.

"Plus, people are a little intimidated by me. I’m told I have a rude expression a lot of the time.” He sat up, wincing slightly. “I just look very serious when I’m thinking.”

“You did look a little hostile when we first met.”

“Well, that time was intentional. You were being very condescending, after all.”

  
He breathed a laugh and Hinata smiled.

_You made such a terrible first impression that he still remembers it, you pathetic –_

“But in hindsight, it’s not unappealing when you get that look on your face.”

_What?_

  
“What?”

“It’s, well, it’s a certain air of confidence, right?” Was Hinata blushing? “Not that I don’t prefer kind, loving Nagito, but you know.” And he cleared his throat. “I don’t mind you talking down to me, on occasion. Since I know you don’t say anything to be mean.” He was _blushing_. Komaeda grinned, pinning one of Hinata’s wrists on the mattress beside him, seeing him smirk and raise an eyebrow in response.

“So you didn’t mind that I called you a worthless, talentless stepping stone, _Hinata?”_

“As much as you mind being called a disgustingly spoiled, Talent Course _prop,_ Komaeda.” He shot back, his sharp eyes dangerously narrowed.

There was a beat of tense silence.

Half an hour later he collapsed, gasping, hair stuck to his face with sweat, on top of Hinata, who was laughing, his face flushed, his throat sporting a few more hickeys.  
Komaeda kissed him on the temple, murmuring that he loved him right against his ear. Hinata kissed his shoulder and said it back.

“You laugh a lot, Hajime.” Komaeda said fondly, immediately switching back to his given name as he buttoned up his shirt for him. Hinata was glowing with affection.

“You make me happy. It gives me a better sense of humor.” His fingers lingered on the top button. Hinata brushed a piece of hair from his face, gazing at him searchingly. “You look like something’s bothering you.”

“The opposite, actually.” He muttered, feeling embarrassed. “I – I feel less anxious, when I hear you talk to me like that.”

“Like what?”

“You – I know you obviously don’t _mean_ any of the things you said, but it felt good to hear them. I know it doesn’t make sense.” He leaned into him. Despite being shorter, it felt like Hinata’s body was contoured to hold him. The embrace was immediately reciprocated. His heart _swelled_.

“Actually, I think it makes perfect sense.”

“What?”

“One of the reasons I liked you when I met you, condescending or not, was because when you said the things you said, I realized my anxieties sounded stupid out loud. I didn’t need someone to console me, I needed objectivity. It’s why I gravitated towards you. If you had been nice, I probably wouldn’t even be here right now.”

Komaeda’s brow furrowed. Hinata had said something akin to that before… Why?

“So when you talk down to me while kissing and touching me, it’s kind of like a juxtaposition. It feels thrilling and more like a trust exercise than anything insulting. I wouldn’t be surprised if it felt good to have your anxiety turned on its head.”

“You really should consider being a therapist, Hajime. Sometimes I feel like you know everything.”

He was about to ask Hinata what he’d meant a moment ago, but then he kissed him, and Komaeda’s mind drifted into complete serenity.

Hinata had spent the day with him, being beautifully domestic, taking him to the grocery store and showing him how to put together simple meals, not once telling him off whenever he made a mistake. He insisted Komaeda eat properly, again, never chiding, always radiating love and concern.

He loved him. He absolutely _adored_ him. And Hinata loved him too, constantly showing it, constantly kissing, or praising, or being tender to him.

So when he left him at the bus station with a needy kiss, he met his lips with an equal need. Like he knew what he craved without even having to say it.

And Komaeda’s thoughts drifted back to their earlier conversation, _“I probably wouldn’t even be here right now.”  
  
_

His chest tightened. Had he been depressed? Hinata never acted depressed, nor was the statement phrased like he meant it in any suicidal way. He’d mentioned having to make an important decision before, but he’d never elaborated, which made Komaeda wonder if he didn’t like to think about it.

He wracked his brain, sitting at his dining table, laptop in front of him, drumming his fingers on the wood. When they first met… He could remember the interaction pretty clearly because it was the first time someone had actually managed to _annoy_ him.

_  
“You – you have an unpredictable talent, right? One that’s got its ups and downs... Let’s say someone came up to you and gave you a full guarantee that you could have any talent you wanted, or every talent, but you’d lose who you are in the process. You’d essentially be rewritten into someone that – that **epitomizes** hope. In its truest form. But it’s all artificial. What do you do?”_

  
Komaeda sat up, turning to his laptop, focused on that memory, and clicked the “I’m Feeling Lucky!” button.

There was a single result, which was slightly off-putting. A very specific phrase had been put into the search bar.

_“Izuru Kamukura Project: Hope’s Peak’s Talent/Reserve Course Bridge – Experiment Subject_89141201”_

He clicked the link, which led to a blank page with a password box. Under normal conditions, Komaeda would have dismissed it as a phishing link, but his instinct tugged at him otherwise.

He stared at the box, fingers still drumming. He felt strange, relying on his luck so heavily after not utilizing it as much recently, but let his mind wander.

He was sort of hungry. He typed the food he had made earlier with Hinata into the box.

“Eat your heart out, Ultimate Hacker.” He muttered lazily when the password was accepted.

Curry rice wasn’t exactly a great password, but it made his life a little easier. But his curiosity turned into a gradual horror.

It had taken an hour to pick through every bit of information he’d found on the report of human experimentation. Hajime Hinata had been the subject of choice, had undergone promising initial tests and showed great potential and receptivity in receiving every possible talent due to being considered “ultimately average”.

His whole identity would have been erased. He had, seemingly, declined the offer, but due to contractual obligations would most likely have to be taken in within the next six to eight months in case of emergency. The project was put “On Hiatus”.

After pacing around for roughly twenty minutes, Komaeda couldn’t take it anymore. He felt like vomiting. He felt angry, but then felt angry at himself. He’d never even bothered to ask properly. And, even if he had, would he have believed him?

Could he honestly say that if Hinata had told him the truth in the beginning, that he wouldn’t have told the Reserve Course student to go off and make himself useful?

His hands were shaking as he called Hinata. The phone rang for a few times, until he heard a sleepy voice pick up.

“Nagito? Are you okay?”

“What’s the Izuru Kamukura project?”

“Huh?” He could tell Hinata was half-asleep. “I’m –” he yawned. “I’m sorry Nagito, the what project?”

“Izuru Kamukura.” And he said it as clearly as he could, taking a seat on the sofa to steady his nerves.

“Wh – oh. Did I mention it at some point?”

“ _No!_ You didn’t! I found it on my own!” He near shouted, then took a few deep breaths to calm down. “Sorry. What – what was it?”

  
He heard the sound of rustling fabric, and another yawn, followed by the sound of Hinata smacking his cheeks.

  
“Before I first met you, and close to when I met Nanami-san, I was put under observation for some project. They basically told me I could either stay in the Reserve Course, because I was paying the tuition, and never transfer to the Talent Course, _or_ I could sign a contract to undergo some procedure.”

He yawned again.

"I did some of their tests, but I was on the fence. Actually, that’s where my ‘Ultimate Average Joe’ joke comes from, the only reason I made such a good candidate was because I had absolutely nothing remarkable about me. But it meant I would be erasing everything about me, my old memories, my feelings, my own opinions.”

Hinata said all of this with no hesitation, or discomfort. It was like he was making small talk.

“But they considered that a pretty fair trade, and since at the time I was basically a friendless nobody, I didn’t see much to lose. It was supposed to be some project to artificially manufacture pure “hope” into an individual, see. They said it was to save the world, but the world seems pretty safe to me. I think they might’ve been feeding me a few lies here and there, just to sweeten the idea of it, so I’d agree to the experiment and stay quiet. I’d essentially become “The Ultimate Everything”, I’d just be the living embodiment of talent. Weird, huh?”

Komaeda was staring into space, his body feeling very cold and hot at the same time. His mouth was very dry.

“Did you know the project is on hiatus?”

“Sort of. They said if anything bad happened at Hope’s Peak I’d have to undergo the procedure, regardless of whether I backed out or not. I d-did sign a c-contract after all.” He gave another shuddering yawn. “But that’s why you don’t sign a deal with the devil, you never know when he’ll come knocking.”

Komaeda was shaking horribly now, and when he spoke, he realized he was crying.

“B-but y-you can’t _d-do_ that. _Y-you_ – w-why didn’t y-you _tell me?”_

“Because I didn’t want to make you sad. I love you.”

Hearing that pushed him over the edge, sobbing, angry, despairingly sad and confused.

“Please don’t cry, Nagito. _My Nagito_. I love you, it’s going to be okay. Nothing bad ever happens to me when I’m with you.”

He went to bed, Hinata staying on the phone as he cried, and the sound of him telling him he loved him coaxing him into an uneasy sleep.

Komaeda was a zombie the next day. He felt completely consumed by apathy. Every thought he had of Hinata made him nervous. When would the devil come knocking? Was Hinata only safe if he was near him? His luck had to have a radius, but he and Hinata hadn’t tested that together yet. Would he just wake up and call him one day to learn that his phone number was disconnected? Would he kiss him before he went to class and never seen him again? Would, if he ever saw him again, he remember, or even care about who Komaeda was?

He stayed in bed, hungry, unmoving, ignoring any sound his phone made, just staring at the ceiling determined to be obstinately miserable. What did it mean, “in case of emergency?”

He felt his stomach growl but ignored it. He didn’t care. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered.

There was a loud knock at his door. He ignored that too, but the knocking continued, getting more and more aggressive until Komaeda grumpily went to open it.

“Go _away_ –” He snarled, until he saw who it was.

“Oh, _Nagito_.” Hinata uttered so softly, his face so worried, so loving, and it hurt. “Are you okay? You don’t look okay.”

He was holding a grocery bag in one hand, but the other looped around his neck and he kissed him. Komaeda felt the urge to break down. He didn’t wait to be let in, just gently pushed Komaeda backwards, his lips never once leaving him, closing the door behind them with his foot.

“Why did you come?”

“Do I need a reason? I love you, I wanted to see you.” Komaeda waited, looking at him with exhaustion. “You haven’t looked at your phone, have you?”

“No.”

“Well, I told the Talent –” Hinata cut himself off, mending his words. “Our friends. Everything. About us, about the project, I hope that’s okay.”

A sense of shock shattered the apathy that Komaeda was entrenched in.

“Why?”

“Well, for one I thought it wouldn’t be fair to shoulder that sort of burden alone. And for another I figured they could get their reactions out of their system before Monday.”

“How did they react?”

“Surprised, a lot of them barely believed the human experimentation stuff, but who would believe that sort of thing with no trouble? I think they’re processing it right now. It’s a lot of information.” His concerned eyes lingered over Komaeda’s face. “You look like you are too.”

“…Can you explain why they wanted to do the project so badly?” He asked weakly, pulling his boyfriend onto the sofa so he could sit in his lap, holding himself as closely as possible to the man he loved, desperate to feel his heartbeat, the soft rise and fall of his breathing.

“I don’t know a lot of the details. Probably so that they could avoid anyone finding out. I’m sure when they find out that I’ve told people, I’ll catch a lot of flack. I told everyone to delete any trace of the conversation once it was over, the less of a paper trail there is, the better.” Komaeda nodded, tears silently leaking over his face. “I got the impression that if they were trying to manufacture hope, that there must be a reason for it. They talked about a threat of ‘despair’ like it was a movement, rather than an idea. I’m assuming I was meant to act as a mascot of Hope’s Peak, as well as to counter whatever threat they saw approaching.”

“The day I found you on the bench…” Komaeda mumbled, sniffling.

“…Was the day I rejected the offer. Yeah. Imagine that, Komaeda! You _saved_ me! You protected me. Hinata Hajime is still around because of you.”

“For how much longer?” Hinata didn’t answer, and his pain overwhelmed him. “It c-could be j-just _th-three m-m-months_ a-and I’ll ha-have to – y- _you’ll_ –” He stuttered out, wracked with grief, burying his tears into Hinata’s shirt, and clutching him as though he was afraid that he’d vanish into thin air.

“…Or it could be _never_. ” Hinata replied consolingly, embracing him, kissing his hair, rocking him gently. “It could be _never,_ Nagito. My Nagito. Oh, do I love you. You have no idea. I _love_ you so much.”

How easily he crooned those words. As easily as breathing. He kissed him with wet, trembling lips.

“Let me make you some tea, and lunch, huh? Please don’t cry. I’m here. You’re safe.”

  
He let Komaeda cry and cry until he had nothing left. His eyes burned, and Hinata gently eased him onto the couch, kissing him, telling him how beautiful he was, how perfect, and that he would be right back.

  
It could be three months, or it could be never.

  
He was going to take every possible moment he could, then.  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm going to give a teensy bit of explanation here. This installment, along with the next, have some deviations from canon - but when I say *some*, rather than many, I mean that I overall like to keep things as compliant as I can.  
> The next few chapters will be a little bit heavier content-wise, and I will be giving some warning in the beginning notes. There won't be any surprises regarding potential triggers, I take those extremely seriously. Also, on a lighter note, by the end of the day, we will have five chapters left! Wowie! 
> 
> I will be posting the first chapter of the second installment the same day as the final chapter of the first. I'll be giving a detailed summary of what to expect when the time comes!  
> I would also like to ensure that, though there will be ups and downs, when this anthology of self-indulgence has been wholly completed, there will be a very happy ending.
> 
> As always, please be kind to yourselves, and I am truly blessed by any and all comments I receive! I hope you enjoy, and I will see you all later! <3 <3 <3


	12. Don't Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If misery loves company, why is it painful to watch the ones we love cry?
> 
> The Talent Course bands together to come up with a solution.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small content warning for depictions of a panic attack. Much love to everyone.

Komaeda dismissed the gossiping Reserve Course students with a gentle wave, ambling through the halls of the other building.

It had been almost a month since he’d learned of the Izuru Kamukura project, a month of domesticity and borderline annoying neediness (from Komaeda’s perspective, at least) towards his boyfriend. He kept waiting for Hinata to get tired of him, for him to exclaim, “Enough already!” out of frustration, but it never came.

Worse yet, Hinata seemed _indefatigable_ sexually – when Komaeda’s emotional demands hadn’t exhausted him, he switched tactics to get Hinata to shove him away intimately, but if anything, it only made things more intense. Hinata would boldly grind against him when there was no one around, whisper things against the shell of his ear, and Komaeda felt hopelessly, powerlessly in love.

He couldn’t bear the idea of being without him, but the unease of not knowing if the devil would ever come knocking made Komaeda want Hinata to abandon him early. He didn’t know if he should _tell_ him his feelings on it, either. Hinata would help him work through anything – even at his own expense.

This whole relationship, Komaeda thought miserably, was at his expense.

“Ah, excuse me? Are you Komaeda-san?”

A Reserve Course girl with short, tomboyish hair and a shy expression approached him cautiously, as though she was afraid that he’d bowl her over.

“Yes?”

“Is – uh – are you looking for Hinata-san?” She was avoiding his eyes, but it appeared to be out of nerves, not intentional rudeness.

“I am. I wanted to borrow him during his break if it isn’t any trouble.”

“Right. He was talking to a teacher, but he should be in the classroom in the back. He asked me to let you know.”  
  


Komaeda took a moment to entertain what Hinata had probably told her.

_  
“Tall guy, loads of fluffy white hair, wearing a Talent Course uniform, **gorgeous** , I mean he’s **effortlessly** charming – you can’t miss him.” _

  
Hinata always talked about him that way. He had _almost_ become comfortable with it, that level of adoring praise. Komaeda found it all extremely endearing.

He returned his attention to the girl muttering nervily before him.

“A-also!” She continued with a passionate expression. “I wanted! To – to say thank you...” She mumbled out the last words. “I, um, I heard Class 77-B is actively trying to convince the school board to allow m-more Reserve students into the Talent Course. I’m a really good – I’m trying to become the Ultimate Sharpshooter. And I was t-told by my professor that I might be able to be transferred by next week. So, thank you!”

Her face was absolutely _shining_ with hope. Komaeda felt something strange. This was because of Hinata, but he was being thanked. Granted, he hadn’t been involved much in the actual discussions that Komaeda, Nanami, and Kazuichi had been engaging in with the school board, but it was only because of Hinata that they were trying to do something.

Because if Hinata was transferred into the Talent Course, the Kamakura project would most likely be _dropped._ If he had a talent, they speculated that he would no longer be a viable option.

“It’s no trouble. I’m very glad you’ll be able to pursue your dream.”

She beamed, bowed, and left him with a wave. Komaeda felt a warm sense of pride in his chest. He had been wrong.

He had been _so wrong_ about the Reserve Course.

He walked to the classroom in the back and heard voices behind the door, hesitating before he opened it. He listened silently.

“…We understand that you made your choice, Hinata-san, but the headmaster is becoming increasingly concerned with the behavior of a few of the students in the 78th class. The situation is delicate, and although we don’t wish to apply additional pressure, we’re of the belief that acting preemptively might be the wiser option.”

“I understand, Munakata-sensei.”

“Additionally, of the students most likely to be initially targeted, class 77-B of the Talent Course seem to be subjects of interest. You should deem it prudent not to remain emotionally entangled with them. For their safety as well as your own.”

Komaeda’s hands were shaking.

“Do I make myself clear, Hinata-san?”

“I… Yes, I understand, sir. But as it’s not in the contract, I’m not legally bound to those terms, correct?”

A heavy pause.

“It cannot be enforced, that is correct.” The man’s voice had an ominous chill to it. The tension felt ice cold, radiating horribly through the door. “But a refusal to comply with these suggestions may lead to serious, potentially life-threatening consequences for your fellow students. Is that acceptable to you?”

“It isn’t solely my decision to make. Any student in the Reserve Course can attest that I don’t visit the other building of my own volition.”

Hinata’s voice was quiet, but Komaeda could recognize the challenge behind it. Whoever he was speaking to seemed to become irate. He could tell Hinata was using plausible deniability to his advantage.

“I trust you understand the severity of the situation. Hope’s Peak cannot be held accountable for the ramifications of whatever you choose to do. If appealing to your own self-interest is preferable to maintaining an air of caution, then so be it. Understand that the project will have to be continued within, at maximum, the next two months. Any later and there may be immense casualties. That is all.”  
  


Komaeda opened the door before he was caught eavesdropping and put on an expression of surprise.  
  


“Oh! Please excuse me, I was told Hinata-kun was in one of these classrooms. I came to borrow him during his break.”  
  
The man who had been speaking to Hinata was very tall, built, and intimidating. His blue eyes were sharp and observant, his pale blonde hair parted so neatly that he looked as though he had been born wearing a suit. He scanned Komaeda’s face with intent but seemed to believe him.

“Very well. I was just leaving.” He nodded to Hinata, who nodded vaguely back, and left the room in long, determined strides.

  
It was a few minutes before either of them spoke.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost, Nagito.” Hinata muttered soberly, and for once, his face was deeply troubled, his eyes unfocused. “How much did you hear?”

“Two months?”

Komaeda found that his voice was flat, as though the life had been sucked out of him. It sounded foreign in his ears.

“Two months at most.” He echoed, staring blankly ahead. “There’s nothing to be done.”

“No – no you’ll get into the Talent Course, I – I _just_ spoke to a Reserve student – she’s being let in, this is _working,_ this can _work_ – ”

“I don’t have a talent, Nagito.” There was no anger in his words, no accusations. Komaeda couldn’t place what he was sensing. “I just… I don’t have one. I’m just a regular guy. I’m not good with weapons, I’m not royalty, I’m not the best in anything. I’m just a guy.”

Resignation. That was it. Being resigned to his fate, being resigned to be average, being resigned to become someone else.

“You – you aren’t, you’re _special_ , Hajime is _special_ , I _love_ –”

“I know.” And his voice had an almost undetectable tremble, the smile on his face excruciatingly sad. “I love you too. _So much_. But I’m not special. I’m just lucky. And I’m only lucky because I have you.”

He wouldn’t cry. Komaeda had a resolve in him that, at this moment, he would not break. Not now. Not yet.

“We’re going to the Talent Course building. Come on.”

But Hinata didn’t move. He looked away from Komaeda again. Staring at nothing, his eyes glazed over.

“Come on, Hajime. Up you get –” He tried to get him to lean on his shoulders.

“Do you think I’ll still love you?”

  
Komaeda froze. Hinata’s question was earnest, almost pleading, his eyes wide and harrowed.

  
“Do you think, m-maybe, they’ll miss that part? They can turn me into whatever, _whoever_ they want, but maybe they can leave my memories. I don’t c-care if I have a different personality, or if I become a hope-obsessed robot, but do you think, Nagito, do you think I’ll still get to _love you?_ That I’ll love _everyone?_ ”

  
And his voice was shaking now, his glazed eyes filling with tears. He wouldn’t look at him.

  
“D-do you think I’ll remember you? A-and Chiaki, and K-Kazu? My m-mom and my dad?” He started breathing erratically, clutching his hair, rocking in his seat anxiously. “D-do y-you think I can r-remember a-all of Ibuki’s _s-songs_ , and w-when Kuzuryu first k-kissed P-Peko w-while we were all d-dancing? H-how Saionji shared her f-favorite candy with me? W-when N-Nekomaru and Akane – when – _w-when_ –”

  
Hinata was _crying._ His hands twisted furiously into his hair, tears splashing onto the desk in front of him, his voice rising.

  
“I d-don’t want to _forget_ – I _don’t_ – I don’t want to –”

  
Komaeda was frozen. He tried to approach Hinata, to console him, but he seemed to be in such distress that being touched sent him into a fit of panic.

  
“ _I don’t want to die Nagito! I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die_ –” He choked out, over and over, sobbing so horribly that Komaeda thought the world was crumbling beneath his feet.

  
Komaeda Nagito was selfish. He wanted to tell Hinata to run away, to never look back, to change his name and go far, as far as he could, from Hope’s Peak.

He couldn’t do it.

He just stood there, unable to do anything, watching the only person who’d ever loved him cry endlessly, knowing there was nothing he could do to stop it.

  
  
Until eventually, he couldn’t cry anymore, and Hinata sat motionless, apathetically staring into space.

  
  
Owari and Nanami had come at his text, and Owari carried him across her back, uncharacteristically serious, ignoring the bell the alerted the end of the break, scowling at any onlookers, taking him back to their classroom where Owari placed him gently in one of the seats.

Hinata stayed there while Yukizome-sensei gave her lesson. He didn’t move when class was over, and Nanami gathered the class into the hallway with a look of fierce determination as Talent Course students started filing out.

“He’s got two months.” Komaeda said dryly, depleted of emotion, his eyes dropped to the floor.

“That’s two months of time.” Nanami retorted fiercely. “Ultimate Talent ideas – Kuzuryu!”

“He’s uh – he’s good at listening. Ultimate Counselor maybe?” Tsumiki shook her head nervously.

“Y-you n-need to sh-show p-proof of th-therapeutic capabilities, s-since it’s r-related to the m-medical field.”

“Ultimate Boyfriend?” Hanamura offered. “Isn’t your little sister trying to be the Ultimate Little Sister, Kuzuryu-kun?”

“I – I don’t even fucking know how they’d _test_ that, you weirdo.” Kuzuryu snapped, but he looked more stressed than angry. “Anyone can act like a sister, you can’t ask Hinata to go seducing the fucking judges.”

“He’s super average right? Can’t he just be, like, the Ultimate Average Guy?” Saionji muttered, her tone surprisingly thoughtful.

“That’s the whole problem, though!” Owari answered roughly. “The only reason he’s part of the stupid program is because they think he’s average!”

“He’s got a good build, strong muscles, he could be an athlete.” Owari nodded in agreement.

“Yeah! Could you train him, Nekomaru?” Nidai stroked his chin, brow knitted.

“It’s not that I couldn’t, problem is, I don’t know what he could specialize in. Rugby might be his best bet, but I don’t know if he’s got the constitution. It would take more than two months to build up his stamina.”

“He’s got no technical skills, so I can’t see him doing anything with mechanics or computers.” Kazuichi muttered, his expression frustrated. “Which leaves him somewhere in soft sciences or something athletic.”

“We must be more creative!” Sonia interjected passionately. “Gundham is the Ultimate Breeder! Is Hajime skilled with animals?”

“His aura is inviting to otherworldly beings of destruction, but he hesitates far too greatly to excel in my area of the dark arts.” Tanaka said, shaking his head.

“And he’s not exactly the best in the regular arts, either.” Koizumi added sympathetically. “I’ve tried to show him how to take pictures, but they’re always shaky or have bad lighting.”

“And his drawing leaves much to be desired. He has trained with me in kendo, but his prowess is nowhere where it would need to be for registration.”

“We can’t focus on our own skills, Peko. Hajime isn’t any of us, he’s his own person. What about you, Komaeda-kun? Any ideas?”  
  


Komaeda barely registered Nanami’s voice. He looked up blearily. He could feel himself disassociating.

  
“Hajime – the Ultimate Serenity. I always thought of that.” His voice was exhausted, sounding almost foreign in his ears, his heart aching. “But Hajime isn’t going to go with the plan anymore.”

  
There was a general sound of rebuttal and anger, but Komaeda continued. “From what I overheard, if he doesn’t comply, the school will be in danger. Specifically us.” He took a slow breath before continuing in a flat voice.

  
“I don’t know why _us,_ but he’s – he’s not going to put his own desires in front of our safety. That’s not what he does. So… I don’t know what to do.”

  
He felt his friends glaring at him, but a small hand gripped his shoulder.

  
“Don’t worry, Komaeda-kun. Maybe go sit with Hajime, okay? We’ll keep brainstorming.”  
  


Nanami was looking at him with warm empathy, and he nodded blankly, returning to the classroom, and taking a seat next to Hinata, who looked terrible.

  
His eyes were bloodshot and had dark circles under them, his lips dry, his expression almost lifeless. Komaeda hesitantly reached out his hand to touch his cheek and felt a rush of relief as Hinata closed his eyes, leaning into it.

He moved his chair closer to him, pulling Hinata gently into an embrace, feeling his hands cling to his blazer like a child looking for reassurance.

“I want to remember when we crossed that street together.” His voice was croaky and small. “I know that’s a weird memory to want to keep. I should say something like when we kissed for the first time, or when we spent the night together, but – but I want to remember the moment you decided to trust me. You felt so _vulnerable_. I was intimidated by you at first, because you’re an Ultimate, but you felt _so_ vulnerable.”

Komaeda rocked him, his eyes closed, just listening.

“Hope always beats despair, right? So maybe if I hope hard enough, I’ll remember. I’ll remember everything, right?”

“Yeah, of course.” Komaeda lied, his voice staying steady. “Despair only exists to make hope shine that much brighter.”

  
He knew Hinata could probably tell he was lying, but he didn’t protest. Hinata seemed close to falling asleep.

  
“I want you to meet my parents, Nagito. All of you, actually. I want you all to come and meet them, and then everyone can remind me. So, come do that, and then stay with me. I’ll stay awake as much as I can. Tests don’t matter anymore, anyway. Can you do that, please?”

“Of course I can.” Don’t break. Don’t break. Don’t break.

“Do you love me?”

“I _really_ love you.” Don’t break.

“You won’t stop loving me?”

“Never.” Don’t break.

“Even when I forget?” Don’t –

_  
Don’t break._ He cried silently, his shoulders shaking. _Don’t break._ He kissed Hinata, his tears wet against his mouth. _Don’t break._ Hinata held him. _Don’t break, don’t break, don’t –_

  
“It’s okay Nagito. You’re safe. I love you.” He heard him say, so weakly, his voice trembling.

  
Break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate to end today on this sort of note. The next chapter is, to me, the roughest to get through. I like to think pain has a purpose as a catalyst for better times ahead.  
> As always, I hold endless love and gratitude towards you all, and I look forward to any comments or critiques you have.
> 
> Please, be excellent to each other, and to yourselves! <3


	13. Memories and Memoirs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Talent Course meet Hinata's parents.  
> Komaeda proves his tenacity during times of stress. Hinata tries to cope with a bad situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for depression, suicidal ideation, anxiety/panic attacks and a suicide attempt - it is not graphic or gory.

Hinata’s parents were very nice people, even if they were surprised by the flood of students filling their house.   
  


Hanamura took over the cooking, dialing down his typically way of conversing through double entendre and perverse flirting, instead being gracious and polite. Saionji put on her “Dancer Face” which meant she acted courteous, traditional, and formal. Ibuki only played clean songs and didn’t raise her voice.

Kuzuryu didn’t swear once, which almost killed him. Tsumiki even tried not to cry much, cheerful that she had been invited at all.

Hinata was subdued, but explicitly introduced Komaeda as his boyfriend, without hesitation. His parents seemed to like him well enough, even if they were slightly confused, but Hinata shrugged and said it was what it was. He told them that he’d been accepted into the project he’d signed up for months ago, and they seemed thrilled, apparently unaware of the finer details of what the procedure entailed.

Hinata was going to be an Ultimate, after all. A cause for any parents celebration.

Komaeda saw Hinata hug both of his parents, which caught them by surprise, but they were _so proud, so happy for him, a new future awaited…_

He explained that he’d probably be under observation for a few months, that he was going to stay with Komaeda in the meantime since he was closer to the school, and Komaeda felt deeply embarrassed.

They didn’t know how to react in front of everyone, so they accepted it without much rebuttal, which Komaeda assumed was part of the reason he’d brought everyone over at once.

When night fell, Owari and Nidai competed who could clean the house faster, and Hinata’s parents sat in pleased astonishment at being treated like royalty by their guests.

Because to class 77-B, they _were_ guests. The one’s who would be the hit hardest at losing their son. When Hinata left with the others, he hugged them both again, telling them that they were great parents, that he was so thankful to have them, that he loved and looked up to them.

As though it was the last time that they would speak to him. As though he were leaving to fight in a war.

Because, and Komaeda thought this with a stab of pain, it was very likely that they would never see him again.

Not as Hinata.

When the two of them arrived at the apartment, Komaeda was pinned down, Hinata begging to be fucked until he couldn’t think straight. Against the wall, on the sofa, in the shower, in bed, until Hinata voice was hoarse from moaning and he couldn’t stand upright anymore, hanging off of Komaeda with quivering limbs.

All the while Komaeda reminded him, constant repetitions of _‘I love you’,_ _‘I need you’,_ _‘I’m here’._

Komaeda was struggling to keep up, Hinata being a rollercoaster of emotion, sometimes acting more like his usual self, and sometimes acting borderline _depraved,_ begging for Komaeda to ruin him, to absolutely _destroy_ him, to make him worthless to the project even if it meant killing him – and this scared him horribly.   
  


“What do you think they would do if I just shot myself?”

He said this so casually, cuddled up into his chest one morning, his eyes closed peacefully.

“Do you think they could find someone else so completely average? Or would they have to throw in the towel?”

“Please don’t say things like that, Hajime.”

“Of course, I don’t think I could do it. For one thing, with how lucky you are, the gun would probably jam! Hah!”

But his chuckles became hysterical laughter, that then turned into a choke and a gasp, leading into desperate, tortured sobbing.

And then, a week later –

“I love you. I love you _so much_ , Nagito.”

Hinata said this tenderly, his voice almost trembling behind him as they worked in the kitchen, making dinner back-to-back. Komaeda’s heart swelled with affection and he turned to kiss him.

“I love you too – _NO!”_ He screamed, and he luckily caught Hinata’s wrist in a vice grip, stopping it right before it plunged the knife inwards, towards his stomach. “No, no, no, _please Hajime_ , please no –” And he wrenched the knife from him, throwing it to the floor where it skidded away before clutching him _so_ tightly, he heard him squeak.

“ _Please_ no.” He sobbed, his whole body shaking, before Hinata realized what he’d almost done and began to cry just as hard. His knees gave out and they both fell to the floor.

“Oh my God – I’m s-sorry, I’m s-so sorry, I – I c- _can’t_ –”

“It’s okay,” He had choked out as he wept, kissing his hair. “It’s okay, I’ve got you, it’s okay.”

He threw away anything sharp after that. He didn’t care how innocuous it looked.

And a few days after that –

“Harder, _harder, please_ Nagito –!” Hinata keened, his fingers scrabbling at his back as he lavished kisses on Hinata’s face with every thrust.

Komaeda angled his hips and snapped them forward with all his might and Hinata screamed with pleasure. He felt so good, so warm, so _needy_ – Hinata kissed him eagerly, Komaeda relishing the feeling of hands tugging at his hair, savoring Hinata’s blissful expression.

But when Hinata took one of his hands to place around his throat with wanton eyes, Komaeda hesitated. Only after hearing a stream of feverish begging and whimpering did he oblige, gently squeezing, just so it would be harder for Hinata to breathe normally.

But Hinata used his own hand to tighten the grip, until his breaths became extremely labored, sounding more like choking.

He was barely able to get a sound out when he came, hard enough that Komaeda felt his release splatter up to his jaw, but Hinata tightened the grip more, cutting off the circulation in his throat, his face turning redder –

“No, no, please Hajime –” Komaeda whispered, loosening his hand completely, and Hinata nodded and looked away in shame. “ _Please._ I love you so much.” And he kissed him, wanting to cry at the bruises forming around his jugular.

And a few days after _that_ –

“Why don’t you just leave me.” Hinata said hoarsely, lying apathetic on the sofa as Komaeda removed his tie. “Why are you putting up with me like this. You’re suffering. I’m killing you. I can see it.”

“Because I love you.” He replied simply. “Because you would do it for me.”

“I d-don’t l-love you anymore. _G-go away._ ” Komaeda sighed, throwing the tie aside as he walked to the sofa. “Dump me. _Leave me alone!_ ”

“I love you Hajime.”

“Sh-shut up! Sh-shut the f-fuck up!”

“No. I love you.” Hinata looked tortured, his eyes filling with tears of agony.

“I h-hate you – I _hate_ you! Break up with me – j-just _l-leave me!_ ”

Komaeda sat beside him, stroking his hair, ignoring his howling protests. He pressed his lips to his forehead.  
  
“No, Hajime. It’s okay. I love you so much. _So_ much.”

And again he let out a frantic sob, lunging at him, clinging onto him desperately, apologizing over and over again as tears streamed down his face, but Komaeda knew very well how someone looked when they hated him. Hinata’s face couldn’t imitate it if he tried.  
  
“I _d-don’t_ hate y-you, I’m so s-sorry – I _l-love you,_ I’m s-sorry, b-b-but _please, please_ Nagito, you h-have to _leave_ m-me, I d-don’t want you to be – I can’t k-keep torturing –”

“It’s okay, I _love_ you Hajime, everything will be okay. I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here.”

Until **_finally_** –

“Are you writing?”

“Yeah.”

  
Hinata looked exhausted, but he had eaten breakfast and was nursing a mug of coffee as he typed.

  
“Can I read it?”

“Sure, if you want to. It’s nothing interesting.”  
  
He looked over his shoulder, expecting the worst.  
  
“Wait – these are –”

“They’re memories. Things that I want to remember. So after the procedure, I want you to give this to me. I’ve explained everything about who I am, why the procedure is happening, and who everyone is. I’m laying out certain events sequentially –” And he took a mouthful of coffee, swallowing and continuing. “ – How I met Nanami, then you, how we got closer, everyone in the Talent Course, obviously my family, anything that I really want to remember is in here. I’m also leaving in things that I don’t like, of course, because the more I remember the better.”

  
Komaeda assumed he was referring to the suicide attempts and other desires to self-harm. Hinata’s face looked different though, determined, _hopeful._

“If I kill myself, there’s no chance of me coming back. But if I forget, even if the chances are close to zero, there’s still a chance that I can remember. So I need to rely on you, on everyone, not to give up. No matter what, okay?”

  
Komaeda’s heart bloomed with love. He took Hinata’s face in his hands and kissed him. He tried to put all of his thoughts and feelings into it, so that maybe he wouldn’t need to say them aloud. When they parted, Hinata was smiling, still tired, looking somehow much older than he had in the months prior.

“I can’t give up. I’ve been really unfair to you these past few weeks. I’m really sorry. I know that doesn’t make up for it, but…”  
  
“I had to be here.” Komaeda said firmly. “If I hadn’t been, then…”

  
He knew Hinata understood.

Every single time an attempt failed, he’d been caught, or stopped, or something malfunctioned.

Komaeda’s luck had saved his life every single time.

He _had_ to be there.

“Thank you.” Hinata murmured, continuing to type. “I really love you.”

“I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This, to me, was the hardest chapter to write. I try to make my depictions of anxiety and depression accurate to the way I've experienced them, but as a result it is not the easiest thing to put characters I really love through.
> 
> This chapter is slightly shorter, I will be updating the next one earlier as a result. Much love to you all, and I will see you soon! <3


	14. Proctored Analysis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata is exempt from the remainder of his classes at the Reserve Course.
> 
> Good friends never give up on trying to help. Sometimes, they even succeed.

  
  
The month passed. Hinata finished his memoir. Things began to feel somewhat normal again. Hinata had been exempt from the remainder of his exams from the Reserve Course and spent most of his time in the Talent Course building.

Yukizome-sensei was very supportive, and the somber look in her eye gave him an indication that she knew why he was taking advantage of the time he had left.

“You know, Haji, you’re actually pretty smart.” Kazuichi said in passing. Hinata was helping him with his assignments. “I’m sort of surprised you’re keeping up with the crap we’re assigned in here.”

“No offence Kazu, but your general work is child’s play. The Reserve Course doesn’t leave any room for lounging, it’s sink or swim. I just pay attention a lot.”

“ _Oh?_ And do you help Komaeda-kun out with his _anatomy_ homework?” Hanamura swiveled around and leaned in. “Maybe with some... _H_ _ands-on_ exercises?”

“Nagito doesn’t really need help with his work.” Hinata answered, blatantly ignoring the innuendo. “He’s already brilliant. His luck is really just an added bonus thing.”

“Such a pure and honest answer, Hajime.” And he looked up to see Komaeda, holding some printed-out papers. “I’m curious, if you went around the room – what’s the first thought you think of with everyone?”

“Yo, Komaeda, don’t distract him, he’s helping me, you already get to see him all the time.”

“No, it’s alright, this is easy. Kazu is gregarious and brotherly, Akane is tenacious but easygoing, Chiaki is empathic and warm, Saionji is straightforward, Mitarai is mysterious and enigmatic, Hanamura is earnest, Nidai is passionate, Peko is gentle, Kuzuryu is deceptively compassionate, Koizumi is dedicated, Tsumiki is brave, Sonia is charming, Tanaka is unbreakable but soft-hearted, Ibuki is full of life, and Nagito is –” But he cut off short.

“Wait, you didn’t do me.”

“Nope, I did you first. I said you were brilliant. That’s it. That’s the answer.” And he tried to go back to helping Kazuichi, who seemed to be moved to tears and completely ignoring his workbook.

“He was going to say something like ‘sexy’ or ‘powerful’ I bet.” Hanamura said, growling suggestively. “ _Girthy_. ”

“Perfect – I was gonna say perfect – don’t put those words in my mouth!” He snapped, tugging Kazuichi’s beanie over his face to drag him back to reality. Komaeda smiled warmly.

“Y-you th-think I’m b-brave?” Tsumiki had apparently been listening in. Looking around, it seemed the others had been as well. “I – I was e-expecting w-weak, o-or… C-cowardly…”

“Well, you can’t be brave without being scared first.” Hinata muttered, clearing his throat at the attention. “So, since Tsumiki-san always takes on the day face-forward, I thought ‘brave’ was a good –”

  
She wailed with joy.

  
“Deceptively compassionate, huh?” Kuzuryu mumbled. “If you were anyone else I could have you killed, you know.”

“Ahah! He got it dead on!” Saionji tittered, but Koizumi placed her head on top of hers.

“He got _you_ dead on, too, though.”

“Hajime!” Sonia near shouted, clapping her hands together, her eyes shining brighter than he’d ever seen. “The Ultimate Analyst!”

  
The room went completely quiet.

  
“I – _what?_ ” And he laughed. “That’s – I’m not really –”

“Actually, Hajime is really observant.” Nanami mused, tapping her chin. “And he’s really good at noticing when someone is upset…”

“That sort of fits in with the ‘counselor’ idea I had of him.” Kuzuryu agreed. “Yeah… Hey, _yeah,_ that fucking fits!”

“A-and th-that c-could be p-pretty e-easily t-tested!”

  
Hinata felt very overwhelmed.

  
“Look, I’m not that good at it – I’m observant, sure, but that isn’t –” And he looked desperately at Komaeda, waiting to be backed up, but Komaeda looked extremely thoughtful.

“Hajime, you could always pretty much predict anything I was anxious about before the thought had fully formed in my head.” He bore a very serious expression, contemplatively stroking his chin with a furrowed brow.

“When we first spoke in the library, you had _already_ devised a way to test how my luck worked, and how I could refine it. Since then, almost every time you’ve predicted or observed something, it’s… It’s actually been _correct._ ”

“That’s – that’s just a coincidence! Nagito, half of my tests probably _worked_ because your luck gave my theories an extra boost!”

“The first time we practiced I was almost positive that it would fail. Since you proved my luck operates based on what I want or expect to happen, that observation wouldn’t have come true if it wasn’t based on pure, analytical logic.” He started smiling. “So, in other words –”

“That’s a fucking _talent_ , man.” Kuzuryu finished, a grin spreading over his face.

Why was everyone cheering? Was he smiling? What was –?

“Someone call a proctor – we can do this now, we can actually make sure!” Kazuichi barked and pointed fiercely at Owari.

“On it!” And she bolted out of the room at full speed.

“Wait – _wait!_ That’s – I can’t be sure – I don’t –”

“None of us were sure until we got tested, dumbass.” Kuzuryu cut him off. “The way you prove you’re an Ultimate is by passing a couple of tests in your field. And even if we’re wrong, it’s better to fucking try.”

  
His mouth went very dry. He heard Kazuichi say something reassuring, but it was inaudible past the sound of blood pounding in his ears.

A few minutes later, Owari had returned with a woman who looked like she’d been forced to sprint the whole way there, which, knowing Owari, she had been. She wiped the sweat from her brow, wiping her glasses down with a cloth, glancing around the room to all of the students.

“Aren’t you all already in the Talent Course? Why did you drag me here?”

Hinata couldn’t speak.

“That guy’s from the Reserve Course.” Kuzuryu stated brusquely, jabbing his thumb at Hinata. “He should be tested for the Analyst ability.”

Her expression came off as slightly patronizing.

“Why is a Reserve Course student in the Talent Building during lesson time?”

“Hinata-kun has been exempt from the rest of his exams.” Komaeda answered this time, far more politely.

“Hinata-kun…? _Hajime_ Hinata?”

He nodded, his head fuzzy.

“Oh, but… You have been stated on file that transfer wouldn’t be, er, _likely._ ”

“Yeah, because the dumbass didn’t realize he had a talent. So give him the fucking rundown.”

  
She frowned at Kuzuryu but said nothing as she approached Hinata, pulling out a laptop.

  
“My name is Shirogane Haruka, you can call me whatever you prefer. I’m a proctor for Talent Assessment. The Analyst talent isn’t very common, as far as they go. Normally, it can be figured out with a pretty straightforward test. I’m going to give you three questions. You’re to answer them as you see fit and then thoroughly explain your reasoning to the best of your ability. Do you understand?”

  
Hinata nodded numbly.

  
“Alright, question number one.” She read off the screen. “There has been a murder in a locked room. There are bloodstains in different areas of the room. The body has sustained two injuries to the head, with visible weapons that could have caused it. The victim in question has also seemed to have vomited blood. There was no place for the murderer to have hidden when the body was discovered. The body is found sitting slumped on a chair. How did the victim die?”

  
Hinata thought about this.

  
“You said the only external injuries were to the victims head?”

  
She raised her eyebrows but nodded.

  
“They poisoned themselves. It was a suicide.” Hinata thought for a moment that he saw her eyes widen.

“W-well, my reasoning is that you said there were multiple bloodstains, right? So, the victim was attacked, but they didn’t die from it. Plus, you said they _vomited_ blood, not that they had any cuts in their mouth. If that’s the case, and there were no other external injuries, then something must have caused internal bleeding. I don’t know why they would have killed themselves, but… If they were attacked twice, then maybe they thought it would be better to die by their own hand. Poison is the least gruesome way to do it and would explain why they were found sitting down. So – so that’s my answer.”  
  


“Very well.” But she seemed a little bit more eager.

  
“Question two. You’re see two people, one is your close friend, and the other is their twin in every physical manner. Their mouths are covered, so neither of them can speak. Each is pointing at the other. They are doing everything in absolutely perfect synchronicity. Which of them is the fake?”

“The reflection.” He answered immediately. There was no mistaking it, her eyes widened this time, and her eyebrows tightened with focus.

“You had to specify that their mouths were covered, because if they _weren’t,_ one of them could _definitely_ speak, and the reflection wouldn’t. Also, no two people can perfectly mimic each other’s movements without rehearsal, not exactly, and definitely not if they were in a situation where they were trying to prove who was real. You also said I ‘see’ two people, not that there are two different people standing in front of me. If that were the case, then it wouldn’t be possible for them to be moving synchronously. It would be a science-fiction situation, which could defy logic, and therefore wouldn’t really be a fair question.”

  
He had tuned out everyone else. He was actually having _fun._ He had always liked riddles.

  
“Okay then. Question three.” She didn’t look at the screen this time, gazing directly at him with sharp eyes as she folded her hands. “Who am I?”

  
He was caught a little off guard.

  
“I’m sorry, I need to clarify – do you want me to tell you what I see?”

  
She nodded.

  
“And uh – I won’t get in trouble for anything, right?”

  
She shook her head.

  
“Alright.”

  
Hinata glanced over her face. She looked interested, but tired. Her glasses were smudged up and looked like they needed to have their frames replaced, and they were worn below eye level, not where she could see through them… And he had seen her breathing hard earlier when being forced to run fast. Her questions were very direct, and she had a sort of tone of authority.

Her outfit was well-chosen and professional, but Hinata noticed it was wrinkled. Her hair was kept short, in a bob that was pulled back into a ponytail, and he could see that her hair was dyed a lighter color than it naturally was. She looked to be in her mid to late twenties.

  
“Alright.” He repeated, gathering himself.

“Shirogane Haruka-san, you’re about twenty-seven years old. You’re single, recently broke up with your boyfriend, and I’m pretty sure you cut and dyed your hair to try and get over it. You’re not though.”

And he winced, expecting a rebuttal. When she stayed silent, he continued. “Actually wait – not your boyfriend. Your _girlfriend._ ”

Her face grew almost imperceptibly strained.

“Yeah. That’s correct.” He said sadly. “I’m guessing she wore glasses too and left you her old ones, either that or she bought you the ones you’re wearing, because they need to be replaced. But I don’t actually think you need them to see, because you haven’t been using them to read or look at anything. So they’re a keepsake that she may have forgotten at your house. You actually like your job a lot, I’m guessing you were a student here too, because you’re tired but you seem to have a good time asking me questions.”

He took a deep, steadying breath.

“And – I’m really sorry – you’re not dealing with things well, I think. You’re overworking yourself to deal with being lonely, and your clothes are wrinkled but clean, so I think you probably don’t spend a lot of time at home – you probably wear your clothes straight out of the dryer. You pull your hair back because it’s easier than having to style it. You’re not necessarily out of shape, and I’m not going to comment on your physique because I have some manners, but you’re emotionally and physically exhausted.”

He drummed his fingers on the desk, continuing, going with his gut.

“You’re not an emotional person, so being direct and straightforward is your preferred method of dealing with others, but you can’t stand when someone is rude to your face because you’re instinctually non-confrontational. I can tell because when Kuzuryu-kun cursed in front of you, and because his outer appearance is somewhat aggressive, you _frowned,_ but you never directly addressed him.” Her eyes flitted down, holding back a grimace.  
  
“And considering how your face looks, that was probably _exactly_ why your girlfriend left you."

He winced at his own bluntness, flushing slightly.  
  
"Again, I am _really_ sorry – and your last name ‘Shirogane’ is typically a name that comes from people of affluence - _oh._ ”

He leaned forward in his chair, and noticed her cross her arms slightly, as though she was protecting herself.

“You were in the Reserve Course and got _transferred in_. _That’s_ why you had that patronizing look! You hated that you had to pay your way in, you probably experienced what it was like to be looked down on, but you were never able to get over it. _That’s_ why you’re closed off. _That’s_ why you don’t like me. _That’s_ why you’re a proctor assessing Reserve Course students – if anyone is going to transfer, they need to prove _to you_ that they deserve to get in."

He took a deep breath, his eyes locked onto hers.

“You crossed your arms because I started picking you apart. No one likes that. This is a really cruel test, but you only use it as a last resort – it’s not an exam question. Because you were an Ultimate Analyst yourself.”  
  


He leaned back in his chair.

  
“Am I wrong?”

She began to type, he noticed her hands trembling slightly. After a few minutes, she closed the laptop, and looked up at him.

“That was… Remarkable.”  
  
His heart skipped a beat.

“Not only did you answer the first two questions right, but you were absolutely correct, the third question isn’t actually on the exam. I use it as a curveball for Reserve Course students. And yes, I was an Ultimate Analyst. My proctor gave me a similar assessment when I was younger. The Reserve Course was far smaller, and much more expensive in those days, and we were treated very poorly. I’m not saying it’s easy to be in the Reserve Course _now,_ but comparatively…”

She sighed, chuckling.

“Thank you for your candor. You are correct, it is a very cruel test, both to the examiner and the examinee. It is never comfortable to be asked to pick someone apart, but for an Analyst, it’s necessary. It’s why I’m the best proctor in my field. And it’s why I tend to be very hard on students that want to transfer. But you passed with flying colors, Hinata-kun. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll send in the paperwork and be mortified at my desk for half an hour, because typically this exercise is done in an isolated room, not in a packed classroom. Good day.”

She removed her glasses, looking at them with a sad smile, and put them away.

She left. Hinata suddenly felt very self-conscious, feeling like he’d been showing off. He nearly shot out of his skin when Kazuichi roared.

“You did it! Holy _shit_ bro – you – holy _shit!_ ”

“Fuck yes! Fuck _yes!_ ” And Kuzuryu hooked Kazuichi around the neck to give him a noogie. “Sonia was fucking _right!_ Yes!”

  
Sonia, meanwhile, was weeping from joy, and Nanami was patting her on the back and smiling.

  
Hinata’s eyes found Komaeda, who had a very peculiar expression, something between admiration and bewilderment.

His friends were collectively going bananas, it sounded like a zoo in the classroom.

Hinata felt like he was in a daze, and he got up.

  
“I – I need a drink or – or something, I’ll – Nagito can you come with me?”

  
He helped hoist Hinata up, whose legs were shaking from nerves, being hit by the situation all at once.

  
He walked him to the vending machine, where Hinata inserted a few coins with trembling hands, head still spinning with everything happening at once.  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is. My favorite chapter. This was the divergence I've been hinting at since chapter one.  
> I'll give a more detailed outline of my thoughts and feelings about the first installment when the final chapter is posted, and the second installment begins. 
> 
> I know things are a little plot heavy, but I believe(?) it was warranted, and I really wanted to explore the concept of 'talent'. We all have hidden things we're good at that we overlook, don't we? Well, that's my view on the matter, at least.
> 
> As always, be kind to yourselves and to others. I am so thankful for your continued support and care. Much love to you all! <3


	15. Domesticity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata discusses his anxieties. The Talent Course are very supportive.
> 
> A close couple contemplates domesticity and what the future holds.

“How do you feel?”  
  
Hinata blinked.  
  
“Huh?”

“The Ultimate Analyst. How do you feel?”  
  
He blinked again.  
  
“I’ve heard that your talent is pretty rare. I mean, Shirogane-sensei confirmed as much, but it’s supposed to be a talent that is highly desired due to being one of the scarcest. A few Hope’s Peak graduates that have it are actually pretty influential.”

“My what?”

“Your talent.” Komaeda was leaning against the wall. “Hinata Hajime’s _talent._ ”

“I – but – I don’t –”

“But you do. You just didn’t realize it. You were so convinced that you were talentless because I’m assuming you thought all of your observations were either lucky, or coincidental, right?”

“Uh.”

“But Hajime – thinking about it, I honestly should have _noticed._ Think back to some of your observations. We thought it was just empathy, or kindness, or being thoughtful, but that was because you always used your talent to help other people. Never judging. Never using it against others.”  
  
Hinata grabbed the soda from the vending machine, popping it open and sliding down the wall.  
  
“Nagito, I’m worried. If Munakata-san was right – if there’s someone targeting your class…”

“It’s not your job to protect us, Hajime.” Komaeda chided gently, sitting next to him. “The only the reason you agreed to the project in the first place is that you wanted to have a talent. And you had one! This _whole_ time, and we never – _I_ never…”

“I can hear the gears in your head turning, don’t you start berating yourself.” Hinata interjected, and Komaeda chuckled.

“Do you see what I mean? No wonder you get along with everyone! No wonder you always know what to say.” Hinata’s stomach churned slightly.

“You don’t like me more because of my talent, right?”

“What? No!” Komaeda flushed.

“Yeah, okay.” Hinata said dryly. “So if I had failed that test –”

“I wouldn’t care about that! I’m just proud of you! I won’t feel bad about feeling proud of you.” He snapped, frowning. “You’ve called yourself average _constantly_ , and I never thought Hajime was average. The Hajime I know is special, and warm, and – and perfect. Everyone should be so lucky. Well, not _as_ lucky. I _am_ the Ultimate Lucky Student for a reason.”

Hinata smiled, and Komaeda’s expression softened.

“And on top of that – I wouldn’t even be calling myself a real Ultimate if not for you. Your talent is just a part of you. It’s always been there, now it just has a name.”

“It’s just weird. I feel sort of like an imposter.”

“‘It’s just weird, I feel sort of like an imposter.’”  
  
Hinata raised his eyebrows.  
  
“Are you copying me?”

“Yes, but with a purpose. I’m you, I’m going to say the things you’re saying, and you’re going to debunk them. Now, again,” He sat up a little straighter. “It’s just weird, I feel sort of like an imposter.” Komaeda repeated, gesturing towards Hinata. Hinata sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.

“You’re not an imposter, you passed the test – you actually aced it. That’s not something anyone could do.”

“I’m just an average guy – I belong in the Reserve Course, I’m nothing special.” Komaeda continued.  
  
Hinata’s logic kicked in. He met Komaeda’s eyes sharply.  
  
“Being in the Reserve Course doesn’t make you worthless or ordinary, you clearly didn’t recognize you had a talent!” Hinata retorted fervently.

“Does it even count then? I’m just observant – all of these things could have been a fluke.”

“If being extremely observant isn’t a talent, then why is it recognized by the school?”

“The school could have made a mistake – I don’t belong in the Talent Course.”

“Saying you don’t belong in the Talent Course is an insult to everyone else who got in – assumptions like that are – are appalling…”

“Sound familiar?” Hinata gaped. “Yeah, I remember my reaction to those words." He reminisced with a chuckle.

"I remember I felt completely exposed. But you get it now, right? You were _always_ special, regardless of whether you had a talent or not. Maybe there are a ton of students like you, who just accept that they’re average, but actually have something really remarkable inside. I don’t really give a damn if you have a talent or not, but I’m _so_ _proud_ of you, I’m _so proud_ of what –”  
  
Hinata kissed him, putting his drink aside, gripping him by the collar. He deepened the kiss, adrenaline surging through his body, feeling Komaeda grab the back of his shirt to tighten the embrace. He moaned into him, loving him, his taste, the way his heart pounded hard enough that Hinata could feel it, tangling his fingers into his hair like they were the only two people in the _world_ –

  
“Found him! He’s just with Komaeda!”

Hinata tore himself away, stumbling backwards, Komaeda pink in the face and in a daze. Kazuichi waved.

“Sorry to interrupt, the others got a little worried, so I came to check on you. Seems like uh – you’re doing fine.”

“Kazu, _please_ don’t mention –”

“Don’t insult me man! Like I’d go around spilling my soul friend’s business. Komaeda _pull yourself together_ dude, if you get that wrecked after a kiss then Haji’s gonna think you’re easy.”

“We’re past that point.” Komaeda muttered, his blush receding slowly, standing up and smoothing his hair as much as he could.

“You’re just gonna own yourself? _Damn._ That’s brutal, but I respect it. Come on, Haji, up you get.” He grabbed his arm to help him stand. “There you go, _Ultimate Analyst_. Isn’t Sonia _the best?_ I mean, she managed to guess! She’s amazing…”

  
The three of them walked back into the classroom, where Hinata was noogied, hugged, slapped on the back, picked up and spun around, and smacked on the rear (by Hanamura, who got whacked by Nanami.)

Hinata was on cloud nine – not because he officially had a _talent_ – but because aside of the celebration, no one was treating him any _differently_.

He was just Hinata. After everything, he was still just Hinata.

“Hey, stupid! Mahiru is gonna take some pictures of you and your creepy boy-toy! And then some as a class! So straighten your shirt and fix your spiky-chestnut hair, you look like a homeless _bum._ ”

“Straightforward as always, Saionji-san...” He chuckled and he fixed his shirt , trying to brush his hair down to a more acceptable state. Komaeda sat close to him, posing for the picture, but Koizumi frowned.

“I don’t take pictures with those sorts of poses. Act natural. Just talk or whatever. Do something cute.”

“I really don’t want to have Hanamura’s commentary on my romantic life, Koizumi-san.” Hinata mumbled, feeling himself go warm in the face.

“Suck it up! Aren’t you a man? Just grin and bear it for a little while.”  
  
He laughed at her bluntness, and Komaeda grinned. He heard the snap of the shutter but tried not to pay attention to it.  
  
“Are you feeling a little better?” Komaeda asked gently, scratching the nape of his neck which he couldn’t help but lean into.

“Yeah. I was a little nervous that everyone would be acting differently about it but uh –”

“Some things never change, right?”

He nodded, bumping their foreheads together, smiling blissfully at the pleasant scratching against his neck. He heard another snapping sound.

“I really love you.” He mumbled.

“Hajime!” Komaeda chuckled. “Very forward!”

“I can be forward sometimes! You’ve kissed me in public.”

“You mean like _you_ did earlier?”

“It was an empty hallway – that doesn’t count!”

Komaeda kissed him, and Hinata saw him flick something up right as he heard the camera shutter again.

“Agh, Komaeda! That folder blocked the scene!”

“Sorry, sorry! But that adds a certain layer of mystique to it, doesn’t it Koizumi-san?”

“Yeah… Yeah, I guess that’s true. It’s kind of cute.” She smiled at her camera. Saionji mimed vomiting behind her but didn’t comment.  
  
Hinata knew she loved Koizumi far much to insult any of her photos.

  
  
Koizumi gathered everyone around, and took a few shots of different groups, then of everyone together, and finally set it to a timer where she ran in and joined. Komaeda held onto Hinata in each one.

And he felt completely peaceful. They made ridiculous poses in what Koizumi called “party shots”, where they made faces or posed dramatically. Yukizome-sensei returned, and everyone began talking about Hinata’s talent, about how he’d breezed the exam, how he was officially going to join the class…

And Hinata didn’t know if it was his newfound awareness of his talent, or simply paranoia, but when she finished congratulating him, he thought he saw a glint of pain in her eyes, a strain on her smile.  
  
Why? Why did she look -?  
  
“Hinata-kun, I’ll send you these photos digitally, okay? That way you can have them for your phone and stuff. I’ll develop them and send copies to everybody though!”

“Huh? Oh! Thanks, Koizumi-san, I’m really excited to see them.”

  
When class started back up, Hinata was the only one taking notes, actually happy that he was getting to take them.

He was a part of the class. Komaeda was _proud_ of him.

The brief moment of paranoia passed, and when the day ended, he stretched with immense satisfaction.

  
“You know, I was a disaster in the kitchen before you.” Komaeda said over dinner.

“I’m sure you weren’t that bad.” Hinata replied fondly, spooning soup into his mouth. This was a bit of a fib, he had been there when Komaeda first learned that Teflon skillets could _not_ be put in the oven.

“A lie, Pinocchio?” Komaeda joked through a mouth of bread. “Keep that up and you’ll never become a real boy.”

Hinata laughed. He relished moments like this, moments of domesticity and tenderness. He relaxed and just… Looked. Admiring Komaeda. Admiring his clever green eyes, his long nose, his high cheekbones, the length of his eyelashes, his cloudy white hair that curled in soft little wisps. He glanced up, chewing.

“What?” He swallowed, wiping his cheeks self-consciously. “Do I have something on my face?”  
  
He shook his head, smiling, he could just _feel_ his face looking dopily adoring. He shamelessly embraced it. His lips were so nice, and his smooth pale skin that would flush so _prettily_ –  
  
“Hajime, you’ll have plenty of pictures of me to stare at soon.” Komaeda mumbled, blushing. _There it is_.

“Not that I don’t like the attention, but – you know…”

“ _What_ do I know, Nagito?” He replied sweetly, drenching his voice in devoted affection.

“You know! It’s – I’m not used to being – you know.”

“Checked out?”

Komaeda sputtered, turning gradually red. “Come on, I check you out _constantly._ Don’t try to tell me you’re not at least a _little_ used to it.”

“Well, not my face, not so intently at least – or, you know, when we’re not –”

“So you’d prefer I look at the rest of you –?”

“I don’t have a preference!”

“ – Or is it just that you’re only okay with it while we’re having sex?”

“I didn’t say that either!”

“Look, this is your own fault.” Hinata teased, enjoying his reactions. “You _love_ me, you let me _stay_ with you, you can’t be surprised that I appreciate such fine works of art.”

“You – don’t say embarrassing stuff like – you see me _all the time!_ ”

“So? I see the sunset all the time, too. That doesn’t mean it ever stops being a marvel.”  
  
Komaeda gazed at him with a small, embarrassed smile, his eyes lingering over his face.  
  
“What is it, Nagito?”

“What? I’m just looking.”  
  
Hinata grinned.

  
  


He particularly enjoyed their nighttime ritual. Brushing their teeth, showering, throwing clothes in the wash. Many of Hinata’s clothes had slowly migrated there over time, and he found a strange pleasure in seeing them in the laundry hamper or folded between each other when they were clean. Like this was his home.

Komaeda was very invested in sharing. Sharing space, his books, his food, whatever he could. Hinata took it as another example of how lonely Komaeda had been throughout his life. He’d probably get annoyed with it in time, but it was still so new to him – he had someone to _share_ things with, someone who loved him and who wanted to read whatever he found interesting, who wanted to share a life with him.

Hinata froze on that thought, folding his clothes for the next day. Sharing his life. The domesticity he constantly craved...

He laid his clean, folded clothes on the end table, lying next to Komaeda, who seemed deeply invested in the book in his hands.

“What are you reading?”

“Agatha Christie. She’s an English writer who wrote a lot of detective novels. I’m reading _And Then There Were None,_ it’s one of her more famous books. I mean, they’re all famous, but in this one, characters get picked off of an island, one by one by a killer.”

“Are you enjoying it?”

“Very much. It may sound a little weird, but I sometimes like to imagine I’m in a murder mystery story. Not in real life, but whenever I read. Like I have to find a killer before they get me, or the people I care about.”

“Do you think you’d be good at it?”

“I _am_ very lucky. I’d probably make for a terrible character, I would just guess the killer and probably be correct.”

“Ah, but what if _I_ were the killer?” Hinata teased lovingly, grabbing his shoulder. Komaeda raised an eyebrow. “Would you rat me out or be my accomplice?”

“If you’re looking at create a scene for the bedroom, wouldn’t it make more sense for me to be a detective? That way there’s tension between the killer and the man looking to capture him. I can see that as being far more erotic, at least from a writer’s standpoint.”

Hinata laughed, stretching out happily on the mattress.  
  
“That’s just as well. I don’t think I’d make a very good murderer. I can’t lie worth a damn, for one.”

“I can attest to that. But that’s one of my favorite things about you.”  
  
  
He watched Komaeda read, feeling sleepy in the half-darkness. Sharing his life with him... He really _loved_ him, so maybe it wasn’t odd to think about. He’d never really thought about that sort of thing before. But it was becoming gradually obvious to him that, well, that sort of thing was _all_ he really wanted.

For all the time he’d spent bemoaning being average, the fact was he _craved_ that averageness. He didn’t want to have to be stressed about every day being radically different, and his friends were eccentric enough that he had plenty of variety to spice up any element of tedium. He had plenty of _physical excitement_ that most definitely added a layer of depth to it.

And he really could look at Komaeda forever, he felt, without ever getting tired of it. He was _perfect._ He was -  
  
“You’re looking at me again. Something on your mind, Hajime?”

“Marriage.” He replied simply, and Komaeda blinked, slowly turning red.

“C-come again?”

“Marriage.” He said a little louder, his head sunken into his pillow.

Komaeda stared at him.

“Just… In general?”

“Yeah. Well, and with you, but in general too.”

“That’s – you shouldn’t joke about things like that.”

“I wasn’t really joking. I’m not proposing or anything like that, I’m just thinking about it.”  
  
He closed his book over his thumb, keeping his place.

“About marriage.”

He nodded.

“In general.”

He nodded again.

“But also with me?”

“Yeah. Is that weird? I was wondering to myself if it was weird, but I don’t think it’s crazy. I’d be pretty happy if the rest of my life were like this. But again, I’m not proposing. We’re nineteen, there’s plenty of time for that later. I was just thinking about the idea of it."  
  
Komaeda was quiet, fiddling with his book.

“Sorry, that probably freaks you out, huh.”

“No – not in the way you’re thinking of.” Hinata stayed quiet, just listening. He really loved his voice.

“I’m pretty confident that you love me. I mean, it took a while. I think I realized I believed it a few weeks ago. I kept waiting for you to get tired of me, especially when we were staying in such close quarters, but then when you had – um.” He hesitated.  
Hinata scanned his face.

He was cautious and looked sad.

“The breakdown where I asked you to leave me?”

“There you go again.” And he chuckled with a slight somber note in his voice. “Yes, during that incident, I realized that I didn’t believe any of it. There wasn’t even a question, it was just a fact, I knew what your mind was doing to you because mine has pulled the same tricks. You could say that you hated me to my face, and unless I felt it coming straight from the heart, it wasn’t true. You don’t lie. You’re terrible at it. And, like I said earlier, that’s something I really love about you.”

He fiddled with his book again, looking contemplative.  
  
“But I still get nervous that, even if you love me, you’ll find someone who you love _more._ Who’s as special as you are. But you keep surprising me. What freaks me out is that I don’t want to get comfortable with being too happy. Then again,” and a small smile formed on his face. “I never thought I’d get this far. I had made peace with the idea of just loving you from afar. And you tell me you love me all the time. So…"  
  
  
He grinned and shrugged obnoxiously. He opened his book back up, and Hinata rested one of his hands against Komaeda’s shoulder, his thumb caressing him. Komaeda absently pecked his fingers, his eyes scanning each word on the page.

  
“Would you want to?”

“Want to what?”

“Would you want to get married. Later.”

He sputtered, his face turning crimson.  
  
“I thought you said it wasn’t a proposal!”

“It wasn’t. It still isn’t. I’m asking if you could imagine it at a later date. If you don’t get tired of me.”

Komaeda’s brow furrowed.  
  
“You’re not allowed to say that – how could I get tired of you?”

“Ditto.” He challenged.

“I – okay, yes, that’s – that’s fair.” He paused. “I – we’re sort of already a little married, alright? You know, the whole routine, being domestic, sleeping together.” He blushed deeply. “It’s not important to think about. I – I’m going to keep reading now, okay?”

“Don’t let me stop you.” He replied with a sleepy grin. He curled closer to him, nestling himself against his collar. He felt warm and soft. He’d put on some weight, no longer just skin and bones. It flooded Hinata with joy. He wrapped his arm over him, breathing in his comforting piney scent as he began to drift asleep.

“Hajime?”

“Mm?”

“I love you. I really, really love you.”

“Love you more.” He grumbled contentedly, pressing a kiss to his jaw, allowing himself to be enveloped in warmth and safety.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo, early update, babey. Also WRT Kazuichu, to quote Jake Peralta: "Ooh a self-burn! Those are rare!"
> 
> We're entering the final stretch of the first installment! Hopefully the second installment will be somewhat fun as well! I do find it a bit more action oriented, in multiple senses of the word. (Cue wiggling eyebrows)
> 
> Side note: though the book Komaeda is reading *is* actually relevant to the second installment, it's also one of my favorite books as well! Agatha Christie wrote some stellar mysteries.
> 
> As always, I love and appreciate every comment I receive, and the support I've been given is immeasurably kind. I do hope I'll be able to keep you interested in the coming updates!  
> Have a wonderful day, all of you, and be kind to yourselves and each other! <3


	16. Penultimate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A couple shares a wonderful morning.
> 
> Life can be chaotic and unpredictable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spice lies ahead - not for the whole chapter but a solid chunk of it! Please enjoy! <3

Hinata awoke to the feeling of having his face lightly kissed. He opened his eyes slowly. 

“Hey.” Komaeda was looking at him admiringly, he was already wearing his uniform.

“Pretty.” He mumbled groggily, ruffling his hair. “Pretty cotton hair. Pretty eyes.”

“Stop being cute for a second – look!”

Hinata sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“It’s a box.”

“ _‘It’s a box’_ he says – it’s not just a box! Look _within_ the box.” And he placed it on his lap. Hinata looked at it.

“Just a reminder, I can’t wear white to the wedding.” Komaeda spluttered. “I’m _kidding,_ Nagito. What is-?” He lifted the lid.

It was a uniform. A Talent Course uniform. He recognized the brown blazer the Komaeda wore and held it up slightly. “Holy shit.”

“You’re an Ultimate now, you’ve got to look the part.”  
  
“Did the school send this? Already?”

“No, I went to pick it up from the office yesterday. It would have gone to your parent’s house anyway, so I figured I’d cut out the middle man. I was excited to see you in it.”

“I guess we’re going to have to update the library.”

Komaeda tilted his head, confused.

“You know, the place where I mentally store all of your kinks. I know that ‘seducing the Reserve Course brat’ was a favorite, so –” Komaeda placed a hand over his mouth with a fierce look.

“Do not ruin this moment for me by being shameless.”

Hinata grinned against his hand. Komaeda slowly removed it from his mouth.

“You’ve probably noticed for a while now, but Talent Course students get a lot more lenience in the way they wear their uniforms. I usually wear a sweater vest or a tie, but –”

“ _God_ yeah, the sweater vest.”

“What? Is it weird?”

“No, just really attractive. I mean, you’re always handsome, but there’s something to the way you dress that acts as a reminder for me of all the things I find sexy about you. Also the way your slacks fit – I’m blessed with good eyesight, analytical prowess, and a good-looking boyfriend, so I have no complaints.”

“Put it on! Come on!” Komaeda ordered quickly, ignoring Hinata’s compliments. He noticed the pink rising in his cheeks with a rush of affection.

  
Hinata obeyed, noticing Komaeda’s eyes glittering. He got out of bed to put on the slacks, and decided that, since he had the choice, he’d leave the top button undone, leaving a small opening of skin because it made it look a little more casual. He adjusted the outfit a little more evenly and looked in the mirror.

Hinata didn’t think he was _ugly_ by any means, but he’d never thought of himself as particularly handsome either. He was average, just like the rest of him. But he felt a rush of confidence – the uniform actually _suited_ him. The brown blazer was flattering against his tan skin and eyes, the button up underneath fitting nicely over his chest. He smoothed the clothes over his body, noticing that the material was far less scratchy and starchy than the one provided by the Reserve Course.

  
“Ta-da. It’s pretty comfortable – I didn’t expect it to feel so different – Nagito?”

His eyes were very bright and focused, in a way that Hinata recognized with a pleasurable flush of heat across his body.

“You’re really an Ultimate.” He muttered breathlessly.

“I really am.” And he lowered his voice, slowly stepping toward Komaeda, his eyes gazing seductively down at him. “I’m Hinata Hajime, the Ultimate Analyst.”

“Yeah.” Komaeda’s voice was hoarse, his fingers brushing the edges of his blazer.

“You’re my classmate, right? You’re part of the 77th class in the Talent Course.” He bent over and dragged his lips against Komaeda’s ear. “You must feel pretty lucky.”

Komaeda’s breath became heavy. Hinata could feel Komaeda’s fingertips gently tracing up his spine.

“It is my talent, after all.” Hinata pressed his hand onto his chest, biting his earlobe, not hard, but enough to hear a soft groan of arousal.

“What a modest way of calling yourself an Ultimate. I’ve seen you –” His hand grazed the hair from Komaeda’s face. “– You’re pretty sharp. Smart, motivated, thoughtful, always looking out for others…” He straddled his lap, curling his fingers into his hair, nipping at his neck. “Since I’m just transferring in, please take care of me, alright?” He heard Komaeda breathe raggedly.

He sucked on the spot right below his ear – something he knew always drove him up the wall.

“ _Please._ Can I ask that of you, _Komaeda-senpai?_ ”

Komaeda moaned impatiently, and Hinata was thrown onto his back, his erection tenting his slacks. Komaeda kissed him hungrily, unbuttoning his newly donned blazer and button-up, unzipping his slacks and pulling them off. Hinata felt a note of amusement somewhere underneath his burning lust as Komaeda delicately and neatly placed everything back into the box.

  
He lunged over him again, his tongue heatedly seeking its way into Hinata’s mouth, who immediately responded with utmost relish. He undressed Komaeda frantically, groaning into his mouth, their tongues hotly meshing together as he pulled off his blazer, his vest, his shirt, sucking bruises onto his throat with a sort of maddened desperation. He was unzipping Komaeda’s slacks when the kiss was broken, and he heard a breathy – “ _Wait._ ”

Hinata immediately halted, moving his hands back to his waist.

“Do you want to stop?” He asked, with utmost tenderness.

“Absolutely not – I was just uh – I was wondering…” His face turned slightly pink, he was smiling sheepishly. “I’m often on top of you, which is great, but I wanted to see if you uh – if you wanted to switch things up a little.”

_YES, fucking yes, yes please, yes, yes_ –

“Oh, yeah! Yes.” His kissed Komaeda. “Wait, how much time do we have?”

“I – I might have anticipated this reaction and woke you up early.”

“God, I love you.” The kiss resumed, Komaeda broke it before he stood up and removed his slacks, falling back onto the bed, where Hinata slowly rolled on top of him.

For the first time in a while, Hinata was actually a little nervous. He felt butterflies in his stomach as he leaned over to open the drawer of the bedside table, looking for the bottle of lubricant. He found a bottle, but it was a neon pink color, not the normal white.

“I – that’s the same stuff. I found it online – it – it had good reviews.” He was looking away as he mumbled, his face growing gradually redder. He read the label on the bottle.

“ _Strawberry Slick_ …?” Komaeda groaned, but Hinata was pleasantly surprised. “Here, scoot back a little, Nagito.”

He did so, and Hinata licked a swipe of the lube from his finger, immediately kissing it into Komaeda, who moaned, his entire body quivering in anticipation.

“It’s good.” He mumbled against his lips, adding more to his fingers and massaging Komaeda’s entrance in slow circles with his index and middle fingers.

He slid a digit very slowly in and out, taking a moment to appreciate the level of control he had over his partner. Was this how Komaeda felt? Getting to torturously unravel him with the gradual buildup of anticipation? Wondering what would happen next? He bit down on Komaeda’s lip, slipping his tongue into his mouth as he dragged his finger in and out, a coil of heat writhing in his gut when he heard a deliciously filthy groan from his lover vibrate warmly against his chest. He pulled his lips away, and his finger out, ignoring the whine of protest, moving his mouth between his legs.

He took his cock into his mouth for a few self-indulgent sucks, lapping at the slit gingerly as Komaeda made a guttural sound of desire, languidly kissing and licking the shaft, before moving down, lifting Komaeda’s hips, and letting his tongue grind against his sweetened entrance, flicking against the rim of muscle, prying inside to taste more of him, and this was always his favorite part –

“F-fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, _fuck_ -!”

Komaeda didn’t swear much, and when he did, they were usually lower tier. ‘Damn’ or ‘shit’ was usually okay, albeit still rare, but he only said ‘fuck’ when he was repeating someone else verbatim _or_ –

“ _Fuck_ me that feels so _fucking_ good. H-Hajime, _please_ -!”

Hinata was relentless, in the sort of frenzy where all he cared about was hearing and tasting more of Komaeda. He added more lube to his hand, slicking his fingers as thoroughly as possibly, and deepthroated his dick as he worked two fingers deep inside of him, stretching and scissoring them as he bobbed his head hungrily. He looked up at Komaeda with wanton eyes, delighting in the mess he was making. Komaeda’s eyes were rolling back, his lashes fluttering, saliva pooling at the edge of his mouth as he panted and moaned and cursed.

“H-H-Hajime, I’m g-gonna _lose_ it i-if you keep –”

He raised his head very slowly, sucking in his cheeks so that he removed his lips with a loud and vulgar ‘pop’. He slid one more finger inside, three for three, and he felt for that bundle of nerves, swollen from arousal, circling it with his digits, pushing with varying levels of pressure until –

“ _Oh_ – oh my God. _Oh my God._ ” Hinata saw his cock twitch, his back arching. “Oh my _God – there – that’s – I want_ – I fucking _need you_ –”

He hit it harder, massaging his prostate with incredible purpose, Hinata bit his lip, feeling his nerves crackle with lust as Komaeda started to lose his mind, all sense of shame and dignity _magnificently_ forgotten.

“What do you need me to do, Nagito?” He husked, gliding his tongue along his dick. He saw a flash of something primal in Komaeda’s face, his teeth gritting.

“Fuck me.” He growled, and Hinata smirked, positively burning with arousal. “ _Fuck me,_ right fucking now – stop teasing me – I need – oh _fuck_ –” His head fell back onto his pillow, whining through his teeth as Hinata slathered his member with a generous amount of lubricant, his fingers still twisting deeply inside of his boyfriend, adjusting himself to get a good angle…

“Please Hajime.” His voice was trembling, his hands twisted in the sheets, his eyes wanton and maddened with urgency, his face stunningly flushed pink. “Please – no more prepping – please, _please, please – FUCK!_ ”

  
Hinata thrust into him, and for a second his heart skipped a beat at Komaeda’s expression, eyes wide, mouth open, his body shaking violently with every shuddering breath that he gasped in and out.

  
“Relax – just let yourself adjust –” Hinata choked out. He was insanely tight, warm, slick. He could feel every twitch inside of him. “Oh God – _oh God, Nagito._ ” They locked eyes, Komaeda’s expression wild, Hinata holding himself back, his dick throbbing at the sight of him. Komaeda bit his lip, his sharp green eyes glossy with tears of heat.

“Fuck me, _please._ ” He _begged it,_ and Hinata lost his damn mind.

He thrust fast and deep, aiming for that sweet spot, praising his boyfriend endlessly, how _gorgeous_ he was, how _good_ he felt, how _madly in love_ with him he was – and Komaeda went _berserk,_ moaning and screaming in an almost animalistic way, his fingernails feverishly clawing at his back, and Hinata lifted his hips up with one hand easily, the other grabbing Komaeda by the locks and forcing him to look directly into his eyes as he began to pound into him mercilessly, as ferociously as he could.

Komaeda was senseless, his words slurring together, wrapping his trembling arms around Hinata’s neck, and sucking every spot he could reach. Each shout of Komaeda’s mounting pleasure was breathed hot against Hinata’s ear, which drove him _up the wall._

“F-fuck me, _fuck_ me, o-oh God, _oh my God,_ yes – yes – _yes – Y-YES –!_ ”

Hinata let out a whine, his whole body quivering with the need of release, and Komaeda was nearly sobbing from bliss at this point.

“H-Hajime, Hajime _I love you,_ don’t stop, _please_ don’t stop, _please,_ I’m so – oh fuck, _fuck, fuck, FUCK!_ ”

Hinata released the white hair gripped between his fingers, licking his hand and pumping Komaeda’s dick, twisting his wrist, rubbing his thumb gently on the slit, going faster until Komaeda screamed, primal, animalistic, and insane, his body pleasurably, _beautifully_ convulsing, and Komaeda squeezed hard around Hinata’s cock, who thrust into him in a desperately frenetic and frenzied way, until the both of them came within intense seconds of one another, screaming, moaning and crying _so loudly_ that Hinata was worried someone might _actually_ call the fucking police.

He collapsed on top of him, panting raggedly against his ear, Komaeda heaving for air.

“Y- _yes. Yes._ Holy shit. Holy _shit._ ” Komaeda gasped, and Hinata laughed breathily, slowly pulling out. Komaeda whined at the feeling.

“Let me clean you up.” He whispered tenderly, kissing the corner of his eye. He got up and entered the bathroom, grabbing a rag and running it under hot water. He wiped himself completely clean, rinsed and wrung it out, and wet it afresh before re-entering the bedroom and swiping away any mess from Komaeda’s stomach, chest, and entrance.

Komaeda was completely blissed out, his eyelids drooping, his breathing finally slowing down.

“We – we have class in about an hour. You think you’ll be alright?” He asked before he wrapped his arms around him, peppering kisses across his cheeks and shoulder.

“I _may_ have overdone it, again.” Komaeda mumbled hoarsely, his words ending on a chuckle. “I think I should be okay. I might walk with a bit of a limp. I can say I fell or something.”

“ _Right_ onto my –” Komaeda groaned but began to laugh. “I’m going to get dressed and make us some breakfast. You want coffee? Cream but no sugar, right?”

Komaeda looked at him, his expression composed into something peculiar, like he was realizing something.

“I _love_ you.” He said it almost to himself, like he hadn’t thought about it before.

“I know. I love you too –”

“No, I really mean it. I am completely _in love_ with you. I _love_ you.”

Hinata raised his eyebrows, chuckling with confusion.

“I mean – you haven’t been just _saying_ it all this time, right?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” But he looked almost consternated. “I – I just –”

“Are you okay?” Hinata was buttoning up his shirt, pulling up his slacks. “I know you love me, Nagito. You’re really wonderful to me. After everything I’ve put you through, you could be promoted to sainthood –”

“I want to get married.” Hinata froze, one arm through his blazer.

“Er…Right now?”

“No, but – I actually want to _get married._ I’ve never thought about marriage, _ever._ It was off the table for me. I dismissed you talking about it yesterday because the thought of it _terrifies_ me. But – why did you – why did you say the stupid _coffee_ thing?”  
  
Komaeda was sitting up now, looking genuinely distressed. “ _Why_ did you say the coffee thing?!”

  
Hinata was completely at a loss but started laughing in spite of himself.

  
“I just know you don’t like sweets much – you always take your coffee that way –!”

“I’m not supposed to think about these kinds of things! It’s not – I don’t –”

“Is it because you think you’re not deserving of that sort of thing? Or because you don’t like the idea?”

  
Komaeda seemed to lose his breath. Hinata got the sense he was right about the former.

  
“It’s not bad to want domesticity, you know.” He continued soothingly. “I didn’t even bring up the idea of it to freak you out. I didn’t bring it up to put a time limit, or to put pressure on. I was just thinking about how I’m really happy, and I’d be happy if things stayed like this. Having the piece of paper, just like having a talent, is just a bonus. You don’t need to be afraid. I’m not going to change my mind about you. If I were, I would have forced myself to before we started dating. I decided that it is what it is.”

And he shrugged.

“I love you, and I’m at peace with that. I’m gonna go make breakfast, okay?”

“Okay.” Komaeda replied in a very small voice. He kissed his forehead, pulled on his socks, and went into the kitchen.

  
Hinata felt a deep sense of peace within the world as he walked to school with his boyfriend. It was a pleasant day outside, fresh, and fragrant with the smell of fall, his hand warmly interlocked with Komaeda’s, feeling comfortable in his new uniform. He wasn’t going to the Reserve Course. He didn’t have to be dragged into the Talent building. Nothing could ruin this. He was going to _actually_ be a part of –  
  


“Hajime, I might have _accidentally_ left a few visible marks on your neck.” Komaeda mumbled with a wince as they walked.  
  


Damn. Damn, _damn._

  
“Oh God. When you say ‘visible’, what do you mean?”

“Er. You know, maybe no one will notice. It’s not as though we aren’t an established couple, so it’s not strange that there could be –”

“Can you point them out, please?”

Wordlessly, and with an embarrassed grimace, Hinata felt him press on three different, very exposed places on his throat.

“Alright, well... Alright. Nothing to be done.” He sighed and braced himself when he walked into class.

  
Right on cue, as though being directed by a conductor, three separate voices chimed in.

  
Hanamura, obviously, was first. He imagined the conductor flourish their hands.

“Oh _ho!_ No wonder our newest addition was a little late! Komaeda-kun really went right for the _jugular,_ didn’t he, Hinata-kun?”

And Kazuichi. The conductor _leaned_ into the composition.

“Come on, dude, leave a little something to the imagination! You’re just gonna let someone put a collar on you?”

And, to his surprise, Kuzuryu. The conductor passed out after a magnificent twirl.

“Holy fucking _shit_ man, what’d you _do_ – get into a fight with a fucking _octopus?_ ”  
  


Humiliation in three distinct movements. A Maestro’s dream.

  
After his blush receded, waving away Komaeda’s sheepish string of apologies, Hinata opened his notebook eagerly, sitting next to his boyfriend, savoring the warm sunlight that spilled in through the window.

Hinata assumed that the Talent Course had less challenging work after learning that each student was assigned specific work based on their talent. Yukizome-sensei handed him a packet with his name and talent at the top, and he flipped through it to see a ridiculous number of scenarios that he had to solve. Out of curiosity, he asked to see everyone’s packets.

Komaeda’s packet was almost _nonsense,_ with extremely convoluted questions and multiple-choice answers.

“How – how do you study for this?”

“I don’t.” Komaeda replied simply. “They specifically assign me questions that are ridiculously challenging to understand without an in-depth knowledge of the subject. My job is to guess all of them correctly. Some of the questions don’t even have a scientifically proven answer yet! They do research based on my guesses! It’s very flattering.”

Owari’s packet was filled with physical exercises to try to see if they were humanly feasible. Saionji was tasked with coming up with certain traditional dances that would appeal to the description of a crowd, sometimes for different time periods.

Kuzuryu’s was… Alarming. The questions tasked him with specific tasks for his gang to perform, some of which were _definitely_ illegal, in order to identify just how much control he had over his followers and what they would draw the line at.

Each of them had two weeks to complete a packet, after which they would be given a new one. Yukizome-sensei informed Hinata that this work was how Hope’s Peak researched and identified different talents.

“Some talents are still evolving, or even undiscovered. For example, there’s a difference between the Ultimate Composer, the Ultimate Maestro, and the Ultimate Musician talents. The difference lies in what their strengths are. Building a car is different than building a computer, someone may appear to be the Ultimate Architect, but in reality, they could be the Ultimate Designer!” She explained all of this cheerfully.

“For example, I was the Ultimate Housekeeper, which is different from being an Ultimate Maid or an Ultimate Caregiver. It's interesting, right?”

Hinata suddenly understood why the Talent Course appeared to have so much free time. If they were true Ultimates, then a packet would pretty easily, probably even enjoyably, be completed. Hinata certainly felt that way as he went down the page, scribbling down answer after answer. Komaeda was, at times, just closing his eyes and circling something. He would glace at what he circled, think for a moment, nod to himself, and continue.

“Jeez Haji, you don’t have to blow through the whole thing already. We’ve got two weeks, you know.” Kazuichi said lazily, occasionally writing down an answer. “Aside of exam season we usually don’t have to do a whole lot at once.”

Hinata shrugged, still focused on his work. Some questions were focused on problem solving conflict, something he didn’t have as much experience in, but he enjoyed the work. It was certainly far more creative than the constant regurgitation of information that he’d been required to do in the Reserve Course.

Yukizome-sensei had stepped out of the room, and everyone was chatting as Hinata worked, solving problem after problem. He felt very motivated – he was honing _his_ talent.

He was actually _good_ at this. He chewed the end of his ballpoint as he thought, closing his eyes peacefully as Komaeda scratched the nape of his neck.

_How to predict how Girl A will react to Girl C if she pulls a weapon on her… The setting is_ –

“Hinata-kun?” He looked up, broken from his reverie. Yukizome-sensei was looking at him. “Can I speak to you for a moment in the hall?”

He suddenly felt a flutter of nervousness.

“Y-yeah. Yeah, of course.”

He closed his notebook, shuffled aside his packet. Komaeda watched him get up, and suddenly looked deeply uncomfortable.

“Nagito...?” He asked, pausing before he left the room. His eyes looked intensely unnerved. Komaeda didn’t say anything, just stared, and Hinata exited the classroom behind his teacher.

  
But if Komaeda had found his voice, he probably would have tried to explain the familiar sensation that he knew so well, the one that he used to be terrified of. He would have given a warning or physically held Hinata back.   
  
He would have said that sometimes, no matter how lucky he was, life and its chaotic circumstances, wasn’t always something he could control.

And an occurrence of very, _very_ bad luck was sometimes included in that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are. The penultimate chapter. Love me that SPICE.  
> I had a lot of fun exploring the school life of Ultimate students - that's definitely something that continues in the second installment. There are a lot of concepts in the DR series that are left more... Open to interpretation? So, I'll be expanding on a lot of things that I feel curious about and/or interested in!
> 
> Tomorrow, this installment will be wrapped up. I am quite nervous! I do hope that the ending of this installment spurs you wonderful and patient people to curiously delve into the next installment.  
> Unlike this one, I am not quite sure how many chapters there will be, but I have created a large enough buffer, I believe, in order to be able to update at least once a day. It has already surpassed the length of this one, and I'm working hard to keep it consistent and engaging.  
> I'll explain more tomorrow!  
> As always, please be kind to yourselves, and each other. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading, commenting, and giving kudos! It truly brightens my day so greatly, you have no idea! <3  
> Much love to you all, take care!


	17. Sunset

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We all make sacrifices for the ones we love. When the devil comes knocking, someone has to open the door.
> 
> The final chapter of the first installment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is. The end of the beginning. I'll explain some more at the end.

“But – but I have a – I’m part of –” 

Hinata was surrounded by three people. Sakakura Juzo, Yukizome Chisa, and Munakata Kyousuke.

“You signed a contract, Hinata-san.” Munakata said dryly. “I gave you two months, maximum. It has been over a month. Last night there was a murder of one of the girls in the Reserve Course. You may know her, Kuzuryu Nastumi.” Hinata felt the blood drain from his face. “There was also a supposed suicide. Another Reserve Course student – a Ms. Sato.”

_Kuzuryu… As in… Kuzuryu Fuyuhiko’s little sister? And… Sato-san?_

“The person, or persons, perhaps, that we have been referring to as ‘Ultimate Despair’ have already infiltrated Hope’s Peak. Several board members have gone missing. The situation is now becoming uneasy. I understand your trepidation, but I believe the school has been very lenient. When I saw that you had applied and been accepted as an Ultimate Analyst, I was surprised. But the procedure remains unchanged. If you were an Ultimate but were still receptive to the procedure in question, then you are still the primary candidate for the project.”

Yukizome-sensei looked very grave. He gazed at her desperately – she knew everything he’d been through, she knew how hard everyone had _worked_ –

“I would not be here if we had another option.”

Was there a note of apology in his voice? Hinata felt like he was going to throw up. What if he ran? What if –

But he thought of Komaeda. He thought of his friends. He loved them. He couldn’t –

“I don’t want to have to use force on you, kid.” Sakakura interrupted his thoughts. “It’s best if you just… Do what needs to be done.”

He looked blankly up at Sakakura. He looked resigned. Hinata's voice was foreign in his own ears.

“Can I have until the rest of the day?”

Munakata’s stoic expression changed, almost undetectably. He didn’t answer immediately.

“Yes. I can… I can come and collect you. Please stay on-grounds.”

“Okay.” He said numbly. “I understand.”

“Please wait by the fountain at around nine. We will go to the research facility together. Is that acceptable?”

“Yes, sir.”

Munakata nodded, hesitating, and then placed a hand on his shoulder. Hinata barely felt it. Time was moving strangely. One moment, Sakakura and Munakata were there, and then suddenly, they weren’t.  
  
“Yukizome… sensei.” He said quietly.

“Hinata-kun?”

“I know you’re a teacher. I – I know.” He was in a daze, forgetting his words as soon as they left his mouth. “Can I have the day with everyone? Before…?”

Was she crying? No, her face was dry. She was just shaking. Why was she shaking? What was going on?

“Yes. I’ll – please give me a moment to inform everyone.”

  
She stepped inside. How long was she in there for? A second? Ten minutes? An hour? He stared out the window.

He had gotten his affairs in order. He had written down his memories. He had said goodbye to his parents. He had spent as much time as possible with the man he loved.  
  
If this was how he was going to go… At least it wasn’t so bad.

  
“ _-Nata-kun?_ ”

“Huh?”

“Hinata-kun, everyone is caught up. You – you have the day.”

And she hugged him, but he barely felt it. He tried to awkwardly pat her on the back. When he entered the classroom, he expected talking, the usual confusion of overlapping voices and laughter.

But it was quiet.

  
  
Kuzuryu was sobbing silently, Peko gripping his shaking shoulder, probably at the news of his sister. Koizumi was staring into space with a horrified expression, her fingers trembling over her mouth. Everyone looked grave.  
  
Hinata stood there, in front of his friends, and dug his voice out from the thick numbness that was buried into his every crevice.

“Everyone, I’d like to say thanks.” He said it matter-of-factly, his voice more logical, and blunt than he’d ever heard it. “You all treated me really well. You’re all amazing. Good friends. The best friends. Thank you for that.” He couldn’t look at Komaeda. Not yet.

“I probably won’t remember any of you. Not at first. But, if it isn’t too much trouble, I’d like to request that you don’t give up. Nanami-san, no, Chiaki. If it weren’t for you, I would never have met anyone. Thank you. And…”

Finally the hazel met the green, Komaeda was sitting frozen in the back, his face so pale he looked like a ghost. “Nagito, you’ve quite _literally_ saved my life. On multiple occasions. Thank you. All of you, really.”

He was done talking. He suddenly felt the embrace of many people.

For the next few hours, they tried to speak as normally as possible. For the next few hours, Hinata gripped Kuzuryu into a hug and apologized. For the next few hours, Hinata talked to Koizumi about how kind Sato had been when he’d so needed it. For the next few hours, he finished his Ultimate Analyst packet, and asked Komaeda to hold onto it for him, so that he could one day turn it in. For the next few hours, he ate Hanamura’s cooking and played games with Chiaki and talked about girls with Kazuichi and sang along with Ibuki’s songs and tried to dance with Saionji.

For the next few hours, for just those _few hours_ , Hinata Hajime _lived._

And then, with Komaeda, he walked to the bench where they had first met. Where he was to be taken away later.

“It’s a beautiful day.” He said quietly. It was warm with a fresh breeze shuffling the leaves of the trees surrounding the bench they were sitting on. The sun glowed golden against the fountain in the center of the courtyard.

Komaeda didn’t say anything. Hinata felt, under the numbness, the familiar warmth of love. “You’ve always been so beautiful to look at.” He was still silent.

“Nagito?”

He looked at Hinata in a daze, his eyes flitting over his features as though he was going to vanish into thin air.

“It’s okay to cry, if you need to.”

“Why are you… So _calm?_ ” His voice trembled, but he didn’t break.

“I don’t know.” He answered honestly. “I think I got everything out of my system.”

“Got what out?” Komaeda was so quiet, so vulnerable.

“I’ve cried and despaired and even tried to kill myself. But I think, after all that, I did the best I could. I got to say goodbye. I have people to say goodbye _to_. I wrote down my memories. I even have a _talent_. I got everything I wanted. Well, almost everything.”

He let out a shaky laugh, suddenly feeling his eyes prick with tears. “I would have been happy to spend at least a few more years with you. I would have been happy to get married. Maybe have a job, and wake up with you, and then have us all meet once a week to drink and play games. I would have been happy with more time. But – but I got a lot more out of these last few months than I ever thought I would have.”

His voice was completely steady, but when Komaeda lifted his shivering hands to wipe his cheeks, he realized he was swiping away tears.

“I got to fall in love and be happy. How could I be sad after a month like this?”

Komaeda was gritting his teeth, shaking horribly, and Hinata held him the way that he had those months ago, rocking him gently.

“I love you. You’re safe. I’m here.” And Komaeda finally broke, sobbing through clenched teeth, gripping him with such force that Hinata ached. He cried with him, not out of misery, but just… To feel. To let himself feel.

He kissed him wetly, not with heat or lust, but just love. Hinata kissed him back, stroking his hair, feeling Komaeda reflexively scratch the nape of his neck. They stayed this way for a while, rocking gently, until Komaeda had no tears left to cry, saying ‘I love you’ back and forth until it couldn’t be said anymore.

Komaeda composed himself just as the sun began to disappear beyond the horizon.

“Do you know how long it’s going to take?”

“I don’t. They gave me a window between a month and a year. I know it’s supposed to be painless. One day I’ll wake up and… Just be someone new. But maybe I’ll still be somewhere in there. Maybe if you see me again, and you say you love me, I’ll instinctively say it back.”

Komaeda nodded.

“I’m going to add a few notes to your memoir. I hope that’s okay.”

“Of course. Just make sure to specify it’s you writing it, I don’t want my future self to get confused if the voice sounds different. And if I’ll be the Ultimate… Well, _Everything,_ I’m sure I’ll be able to distinguish a difference in writing style.”

“I love you, Hajime.”

“I love you too.”

They watched the sun go down, holding one another. Hinata felt a sense of irony. The sun setting on his life.

But at least it had been a _truly_ beautiful day.

When Munakata arrived, Hinata kissed Komaeda, squeezed his hand, and stood up.

“It’s time.”

“Yeah.” Hinata sighed. Komaeda suddenly looked very lost. “Hey, Nagito.” He looked up at him, shaking again. “Every time you start blaming yourself, or hating yourself, any time your mind starts to be cruel to you – I want you to hear my voice shooting those things down, okay? Don’t question yourself. Please. Can you do that for me?”

He nodded.

“’Bye, Nagito. I love you.” And he kissed his forehead, nodded at Munakata, and they walked away.

  
Komaeda Nagito sat alone on the bench in the dark. The air had gotten colder, the shadows of the trees moving eerily in the wind.

It was an hour before he walked back to his apartment, and found himself expectantly grabbing at the air, looking for Hinata’s hand, before remembering it was no longer there.  
  


_**Entry 1 – Komaeda Nagito**_

It’s been a month. Hajime’s not back yet. Tsumiki-san has gone missing. Our exams were coming up. I caused an accident at the school. I was trying to help. Hajime would have understood. I’ve been suspended. Hajime’s record says he’s been expelled. They still have him listed as a Reserve Course student. They’re bastards. They’re all fucking bastards.

_**Entry 2 – Komaeda Nagito**_

It’s been six months. I don’t know where Hajime is. The guy we thought was Mitarai-kun is actually the Ultimate Imposter. I only just got back to school. I was in another plane accident. I don’t care. My luck cycle is screwed up because I don’t care. Every time I try to write something bad about myself, I hear Hajime’s voice telling me off. I miss him. Everyone misses him. I’m spending all my time with Nanami-san. I think she misses him almost as much as I do.

_**Entry 3 – Komaeda Nagito**_

A bunch of Reserve Course students committed suicide. No one knows why. Hajime’s name wasn’t in the report. We found Tsumiki-san. She’s acting strangely. She hasn’t been going home. We’re trying to find out where she’s been staying. The Imposter (that’s their actual name, I guess) said they might have an idea where she is. Nanami-san and I are trying to get to the bottom of it.

  
Komaeda hesitated and closed his laptop with a soft ‘clack’. It was raining heavily outside. He had a gun stashed in his bag, which he’d found by pure chance in an alley near his apartment. He trusted his luck that it meant he might need it.  
Nanami was outside, under an awning of a small market, wearing her hood but with no umbrella. Komaeda shared his.

“Where to, Komaeda-kun?”

“That way.” And he pointed to where his luck was telling him to point. They sloshed onwards.

“You’re not doing well, are you.” It wasn’t a question.

“Is anyone doing well, Nanami-san?”

“You tried to bomb the school.”

“I actually succeeded. It’s more that thankfully no one was injured. But I didn’t want anyone to be, anyway. So my luck did exactly what I needed it to. Just… Just like he taught me.” He didn’t need to say his name for her to understand.

“I thought…” She paused, and for a moment it was just the sound of splashing puddles and intense rainfall. “I thought that the whole reason Hajime did the experiment was to prevent bad things from happening.”

“Maybe it will. Maybe these things aren’t as bad as they could be.”  
  
But his instincts were swinging in two very different directions. He was right that things could be worse, but he was wrong in his initial thought. Things were only going to go downhill from here.

“…We’re at school.”

Komaeda had been listening to his luck, and he wasn’t stopping now. They stood in front of a large statue. He wandered over to it, the rain saturating his hair, touching the side, and something slid into place. A stairwell opened up in the ground.

“The others are keeping an eye out, right?”

“Yup. Peko should be close by, and Hanamura-kun went with The Imposter. Kazuichi should be with Gundham and Sonia. Akane and Nekomaru went together, and Kuzuryu-kun went off somewhere too... I think.”

“Right, well. I’m going down there.”

Nanami’s brow furrowed, and she clasped his arm. He gently tugged it loose from her grasp.

“That’s dumb, Komaeda-kun – wait for the others. We should stick –”

But he was already going down the stairs, and Nanami chased after him. “Komaeda-kun – _Nagito!_ ” He froze. “Listen to me! Stop – stop doing these sorts of things. Hajime wouldn’t be happy to see you being so reckless.”

“Hajime isn’t here, Nanami-san.” There was no accusation or anger in his voice, only resignation. “I don’t know where he is, but… I’m going. You can stay behind if you –”

“I’m the class representative. I’m not letting you go down there alone.” She stamped her foot, puffing out her cheeks.

He smiled sadly but felt a rush of fondness towards her loyalty.

“I understand. Sorry to inconvenience you.” And he truly meant it.

  
The stairs went down for a while. It was chilly on the surface, but could he feel… Heating? No, more than that – he could hear _voices._

  
“Isn’t it good? Isn’t it _amazing,_ Kamukura-kun? What you saw was just the start! It’ll be – it’ll be –!” And he heard an obscene moan of depraved pleasure.

Was something… Happening?

“Stay here, stay here!” The voice was feminine, trilling in a sing-song tone that was equal parts lighthearted and… Cruel.

He got to the bottom, slightly relieved that he hadn’t walked into an orgy. There was a small, skinny man with a pallid, sickly complexion sitting behind a desk, and he looked absolutely terrified, lunging at Nanami and Komaeda like he was possessed.

“Help me! Please! Please, help me! She’s – I didn’t – it’s not my fault! I –”

“Mitarai…kun?” He uttered slowly, the man gripping his collar so hard he was making his footing uneven. His eyes bulged in horror, mouth open in a silent scream of agony. When his eyes met the opened stairwell, he threw Komaeda aside and scrambled up, up towards the entrance, sobbing and screaming for help.

  
And Komaeda, reflexively, pulled out the gun in his bag.

  
“Komaeda-kun – what… Why do you – have that…?” But Nanami’s voice trailed off at the person before them.

  
Staring down at them was a man that Komaeda sensed was deeply dangerous. He had no posture of aiming to hurt them, but his energy was very disturbing. Menacing. Long black hair flowed over his shoulders and back, his eyes an almost luminescent scarlet cast across his… Across…

  
“H-Hajime…”

Nanami was gripping the sleeve of his shirt, his gun pointed directly at the heart of…

“N-no that’s not – H-Hajime? _M-my_ Hajime?”

“Komaeda-kun, we need to go. We _need_ to _go_. ” She whispered frantically.

“But – Nanami-san, that’s… Isn’t that?”

“I don’t – that can’t be. He… It _can’t_ be.” Her whispers were frantic, like she was trying to convince herself.

  
He _needed_ to put the gun down, but his luck was screaming not to. His brain, his heart told him to drop the gun, _drop the gun_ –

  
“Who are you?”

That _voice._

“H-Hajime, it’s Nagito. You r-remember? You remember? And look – Nanami-san! Chiaki!” And he pointed at her as though she wouldn’t be visible otherwise.

“I don’t know who that is.” It was his voice, it was _his voice_ but – but it was so _cold._

Komaeda’s gut was screaming.

“H-Hajime, I don’t – I don’t want to shoot, but you’re – why are you here? Why – what have you… Been doing?”

“Boring.” The man said finally.

_  
Despair. That’s all. That’s all he is. Just shoot. Just shoot. Just **shoot.**_

  
“You – you’re the Ultimate Despair, aren’t you.” Komaeda said roughly, beginning to shake. “You’re behind this. Everything.”

“Komaeda-kun!” Nanami whispered urgently.

“You’re half-right!” The sing-song voice was back.

  
He was faced with a petite, charming-looking woman that he recognized. A student? The Ultimate Fashionista?

  
“Kamukura Izuru-kun has been _sooo_ great! And _you_ – huh. I know you.” Her smile turned very cold, her blue eyes like chips of ice. “You’re the boy who, what was it…? Blew up the school in the name of ‘hope’, _right?_ ”  
  
Komaeda didn’t answer. He felt a surge of hatred bubble up from his stomach.

“You’re the sort of person who _loves_ hope, even when it’s pointless.” She draped her arms around Kamukura like a spider enveloping its prey. “But hey, hey! Test your theory. Try and shoot down despair! Put _aaalllll_ your hopes and dreams into that shot! Do it – _do it – do it – do it -_!” Her voice shifted from something baby-like and cutesy into something ragged, almost sexual.

He pulled the trigger without thinking, horror coursing through him – _No, no, no, that’s Hajime – that’s –_

  
The gun didn’t fire.

  
“It’s… Jammed?” He looked at the gun, and in a fluid motion he saw a blur. Kamukura disarmed him, and barely above a breath, he heard it –

“If it’s good luck, I have that too.” And in the next few moments, several things happened.

  
The bang of a gun.

Searing pain in his chest.

Nanami’s voice crying out to him, saying his name, telling him to hang in there… Hang in there from what?

And the man staring down at him. Izuru Kamukura. No, no it was Hajime. _His Hajime._

Komaeda could see the tears in his eyes, it _had_ to be.

He reached out his hand, hearing the blood pounding in his ears.

And the world was dark.

  
  


_**Entry 4 – Komaeda Nagito**_

Nanami-san is dead. We’re graduating soon! Everything is wonderful. I wish Hajime were here to see this.

  
  


**FIN. Continue on disc 2: Logically Lucky**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early update...? Yaaaay...?
> 
> Anyways, first of all, I'd like to thank everyone who has been following along as I've been posting! Your kindness and support - I've been in quite a rough place lately, and honestly I didn't expect to write a fanfiction, let alone *post* one. For all of your support, I am truly, wholeheartedly grateful, and I cherish every comment and kudos I receive!
> 
> Now: time to talk about what just happened!
> 
> When I started this fanfiction, I was entirely determined not to reveal spoilers as to where the story divergence began, and where the canon compliance ended. I never intended to make an alternate universe, because I simply wanted to play around with what Hinata was capable of, and what I felt the true sin of Hope's Peak was.  
> This story is, like what it is based on, a prologue of sorts. The second installment, which the first chapter of will be posted later today under the "When I Don't Remember You" series, is where things go a little wild! I wanted to write a story that kept as much canon as possible while exploring other avenues. 
> 
> Logically Lucky, or part 2, will take place during the Neo-World Program. It is in the process of being written, and is taking me a little longer, because I am actually including the trials in the fanfic to further develop certain characters. And, since I am determined to keep things as close to canon as possible (barring the obvious) I actually have to go through each trial piece by piece to see what I have to cut, and what I can include.  
> And, allow me to clarify, the events of part 1 are very relevant to part 2. There are multiple events from this story that will be tying into the next! There will also be plenty of sugar AND spice.  
> Hopefully that will keep the interest of some of you! I'm writing these stories purely out of self-indulgence, because they make me happy. If they interest others, then that's just a wonderful bonus that, again, I am very grateful for!  
> Whether you choose to continue or not, I am very happy I ended up sharing this story. I hope to see some interest in part 2!
> 
> As always, please be excellent to one another, and kind to yourselves! <3  
> \- Sage

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if you enjoyed. This is my first time writing fanfiction, and my first time sharing anything of this sort. If you liked it, or if you have any feedback please tell me! I don't want to give spoilers but there is going to be a little bit of divergence regarding Hinata's character - if you're the main character of a Danganronpa game then you're probably a lot smarter and more observant than you get credit for, so I'm leaning into that.


End file.
